I'm feeling cognitive dissonance when reading that article.
As for me, the article contains a bunch of mutually exclusive statements, and I hardly understand how a person can draw such conclusions as the author did.

She expects a man to be gentle and respectful to his woman and at the same time passionate in bed. She also expects a man not to be rude and jealous. Fairly reasonable desire! So what's the problem?
IMHO, the problem is that she just doesn't believe such a man can exist. And instead of believing in her ideal and trying to find it, she engages in relationships with all those strange "patriarchal alpha males".
As it-ogo already said, "What you like is what you get". Looks like she likes to disappoint herself.

Let's have a look at the image of a "patriarchal" Russian man she draws. In a nutshell, he is:
* gentleman; behaves respectfully and has good manners
* passionate and sexual
* rude, jealous and ignorant

Can you see any contradictions? I see two ones.

First, could a real gentleman be rude and ignorant? I think the answer is obvious: he couldn't!
Second, how can it be that being a gentleman is called "patriarchal style" now? I don't know what's going on in USA, maybe they actually have some problems with that insane feminism etc. If I were told that from American point of view being a gentleman and having good manners is patriarchal, I would decide something is totally wrong with America.

As far as I can remember, feminism is about equality of rights, not about being unmannered jerks. Feminism is a result of development of our civilization: the same civilization that teaches us to be kind and respectful to each other. So gentleman's attitude does not conflict with feminism and is not "patriarchal".
In fact, any educated reasonable person in the modern world is a feminist "by default". We all grown up in the same cultural context: kindness, honesty, human rights, science, arts etc. So if a person smart enough, he/she is able to decide by him/herself that equality of rights is a Good Idea. Even if he/she has never listened the word "feminism".

But something went wrong. Feminism mutated from idea of human rights into a bloodthirsty monster, who requires us to sacrifice all our conceptions of friendship, love, respect and honor. When did we take the wrong turn to that weird way where idea of "take care of each other" became patriarchal and idea of "disregard each other" became acceptable?
That's disappointing!


But enough whining. Let's go back to "alpha males" stories.
"You do not meet a Russian man, you are chosen by one. You could be sitting in a banya, or at a café..."
Uh... Well... Ok. But I have some questions. What kind of men and women make acquaintance in a banya? The answer is obvious, isn't it? And how did the decent girl get in a banya with some strangers? Maybe should her not be waiting to be chosen by a pick-up man in a banya, but take a few steps to meet somebody by herself? Did she ever try?

The similar questions I'd like to ask on those "doing business-just-business" men too. We all understand what kind of men they are, don't we? The only thing I don't understand is her reason to meet with them. But if she does, there is nothing surprising in the fact those "alpha males" are rude and ignorant. Gangsters usually are.

The same with the story of "standing on a dirt path in a Russian country village". The same with the story of being harassed for years. And so on.
All those men didn't arise from nowhere, she allowed them to appear in her life. They "chosen" her with her consent.


That all is not about patriarchal society, alpha males or Russian mentality. That is about здравый смысл.
Don't get in a sauna with strangers, if you don't want to be raped.
Don't mess with gangsters.
Don't walk at night with a person you couldn't completely trust.
Don't tell your phone number to odd people.
Simple and resonable rules, whatever country you live in.


And one more thing. When I looked at the clock last time, there was 21st Century there. Facebook, twitter, skype, dating services, laptops, iphones, all that stuff, you know. I just wonder what the hell she has to hang around pick-up men, gangsters and villagers to be chosen by someone. We live such a wonderful time when one can make acquaintance with thousands of people around the world without leaving oneself's home. So why?

Maybe my words sound too offensive. I'd like to clarify I have nothing against her and I don't blame her for her troubles. That woman seems to be unhappy, so I'd like to wish her to be happy with a man she looking for. My point is that her conclusions about Russian men are totally wrong because of her strange attitude and limited experience.


First of all, there is no patriarchal society in big cities. But there are people who knows how to take care of his/her partner. And I don't think it is a patriarchal tradition. I'm sure such people there are in USA too, although the author of the article does not seem to believe that.
Maybe villagers can be named as patriarchal society, and I think this society presents in any country. If you drive off from big American cities for a hundred of miles, you'll find the same patriarchal society there. Won't you?

So we are not patriarchal. We are European people, maybe somewhat angered because of our recent history, but we are. And as in any other country, there are all sectors of society here. If you want to meet with gangsters, there are gangsters; if you want to meet with intellectuals, there are intellectuals.

I believe no one of my female friends encounter troubles similar to ones she described. Of course, not all of them happily married, but I hardly can imagine one of them could be tolerant to such replies as "What were you doing talking to that guy? Did I tell you you could talk to him?!" That is absolutely no-no.
For sure, there are lot of men who behaves such unpleasant way. And there are a lot of women who likes such behaviour. So if they can find each other and be happy, that is fine. But in my environment and in the environment of my friends, there are no such people.

One shouldn't think all Russian can be described with a couple of cliches.