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Thread: Why I love (and hate) dating Russian men (article)

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    Властелин Deborski's Avatar
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    Why I love (and hate) dating Russian men (article)

    I found this article while randomly googling an unrelated subject...

    I love (and hate) dating Russian men - Salon.com

    The article is written by a woman who was born in Russia but was raised in the US. She shares her experiences dating Russian men and the many cultural differences which make it so difficult for these couples to find understanding.

    While American men often date and marry Russian women, it is very rare to find an American woman with a Russian man. Our different understandings of feminism are just the tip of the iceberg.

    Having dated a few Russian guys myself in my younger years living in the then-USSR, I can completely appreciate and relate to this woman's experiences and frustrations. In fact, it sounds as if the guys are even more anti-feminist than they were in Soviet times.

    Comments?
    Вот потому, что вы говорите то, что не думаете, и думаете то, что не думаете, вот в клетках и сидите. И вообще, весь этот горький катаклизм, который я здесь наблюдаю, и Владимир Николаевич тоже…

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    Завсегдатай it-ogo's Avatar
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    Here is the translation. In fact I never dated Russian men but I feel like that woman made special efforts to find such kind of men. Her experience looks quite exaggerated. What you like is what you get, no?
    "Россия для русских" - это неправильно. Остальные-то чем лучше?

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    Властелин Deborski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by it-ogo View Post
    Here is the translation. In fact I never dated Russian men but I feel like that woman made special efforts to find such kind of men. Her experience looks quite exaggerated. What you like is what you get, no?
    I dunno... I loved some Russian guys with all my heart, but they could never accept me for who I am. To be with them, I would have to turn myself into a pretzel and I just couldn't do it... so I left Russia...

    I don't think American guys are better... they don't try to change me as much and they are not as controlling, but on the other hand they are often not very romantic either.

    I understood her frustrations.
    Вот потому, что вы говорите то, что не думаете, и думаете то, что не думаете, вот в клетках и сидите. И вообще, весь этот горький катаклизм, который я здесь наблюдаю, и Владимир Николаевич тоже…

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    A strange article. There are some things I agree, and there are way more things I strongly disagree. I am too lazy to provide detailed comments now. But the overall impression is the article is too exaggerated and is written by someone who hates men. It is just an impression the article gives me.

    If you do not know Russian men at all, please do not believe that article!

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    One line that I found in a certain way interesting made me kind of curious about this feature of Russian way relationships, so any Russians here, could you please shed some light on it, is that true that if you stare at a Russian girl in public, her boyfriend might punch you?

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    Властелин Deborski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eric C. View Post
    One line that I found in a certain way interesting made me kind of curious about this feature of Russian way relationships, so any Russians here, could you please shed some light on it, is that true that if you stare at a Russian girl in public, her boyfriend might punch you?
    I've seen American guys behave that way.
    Вот потому, что вы говорите то, что не думаете, и думаете то, что не думаете, вот в клетках и сидите. И вообще, весь этот горький катаклизм, который я здесь наблюдаю, и Владимир Николаевич тоже…

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    Властелин Deborski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Боб Уайтман View Post
    A strange article. There are some things I agree, and there are way more things I strongly disagree. I am too lazy to provide detailed comments now. But the overall impression is the article is too exaggerated and is written by someone who hates men. It is just an impression the article gives me.

    If you do not know Russian men at all, please do not believe that article!
    I didn't get the impression that she "hates" men... I got the impression that she is frustrated, and hurt, and heartbroken and running out of hope.
    Вот потому, что вы говорите то, что не думаете, и думаете то, что не думаете, вот в клетках и сидите. И вообще, весь этот горький катаклизм, который я здесь наблюдаю, и Владимир Николаевич тоже…

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deborski View Post
    I've seen American guys behave that way.
    You have to memorize a few things to survive in this world, and one of them is not to harass quarterbacks' girlfriends.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deborski View Post
    I didn't get the impression that she "hates" men... I got the impression that she is frustrated, and hurt, and heartbroken and running out of hope.
    What I got was that she's in search for what fits just for her, and she's analyzing all of her previous experiences to combine all their good sides into a perfect one, leaving out all the bad sides. She didn't sound pessimist enough to me. =))

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    Best "snark" from the comments:

    I've learned more from Yakov Smirnov. [...] "In America, you choose boyfriend! In Post-Soviet Russia, boyfriend choose you!"
    Beyond that, I don't have much to offer from my personal experience! In my final months in Moscow, I did briefly date a Russian guy, but things didn't get too deeply involved because we knew that I would be returning to the US before too long. And, as you'd imagine, the Relationship Dynamic is different when it's two males.

    He was a very nice guy, though. One thing I found very endearing is that he really admired black men and had a crush on Denzel Washington -- which was a refreshing change from the rather casual "обезьяны" racism I'd heard from some Russian people.

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    Властелин Deborski's Avatar
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    It would be different if you are a man, indeed.

    I loved my Russian friends.

    I would have taken a bullet for any one of them.

    It meant nothing.
    Вот потому, что вы говорите то, что не думаете, и думаете то, что не думаете, вот в клетках и сидите. И вообще, весь этот горький катаклизм, который я здесь наблюдаю, и Владимир Николаевич тоже…

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eric C. View Post
    One line that I found in a certain way interesting made me kind of curious about this feature of Russian way relationships, so any Russians here, could you please shed some light on it, is that true that if you stare at a Russian girl in public, her boyfriend might punch you?
    Perhaps if the guy is a quarterback type... and a dumbass.

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    It's strange that some members here think Ms. Bruk's account is 'exaggerated' (it's worth noticing that she is Russian only by blood, and American by all the rest). I find it a most sincere and well written essay and it's great that Deb found the link. Here is the author's personal page for those interested Diana Bruk | writer. editor. life enthusiast

    What the author says is 100% true as she knows what she is writing about. She might be a tiny bit frustrated (which is small wonder considering she is quite educated), but it's mostly a sober and analytical account. It seems however that she is attracted by men with certain traits (and her description is very sincere, don't you think?); i think she is honest in her analysis of her relationships. She often describes the notorious cultural differences that are always there.

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    Завсегдатай it-ogo's Avatar
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    Душа у женщины легка, но вечно склонна к укоризне: то нету в жизни мужика, то есть мужик, но нету жизни.
    "Россия для русских" - это неправильно. Остальные-то чем лучше?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deborski View Post
    Comments?
    В статье много правды.
    Есть интересная книжка о природе женщин, если кому интересно.

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    Постепенное исчезновение мужской гигиены и трудовой этики, которое происходит, когда соотношение мужчин и женщин составляет 1:3, должно стать предметом изучения антропологов по всему миру.
    Что за бред?!
    Именно поэтому в России процветают организации, занимающиеся преподаванием английского языка: главной целью любого россиянина, обладающего хотя бы какими-нибудь амбициями, всегда было выучить английский язык, потому что он является золотым билетом на выезд за границу.
    Золотым билетом?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
    Что за бред?!

    Золотым билетом?
    Marcus, the original text is in English.

    The translation sucks as is customary with most of the material translated from other languages into Russian on Russian sites. Even yesterday i've repeatedly seen the word "стрелок" on Russian websites featuring news on mass shooting at Navy Yard in Washington DC. That's how they had translated the word 'gunman'/'shooter'. This sounds absolutely stupid as "стрелок" in Russian is used to indicate a person who shoots for sports, hunting, as a soldier who is operating a gun in cavalry vehicles, tanks, or aircraft, and also it is used to describe a marksman. The examples like that really abound in Russian articles on the internet. So I prefer the material in the original language. Especially those who learn Russian might want to avoid reading such translated material of dubious quality.
    Deborski likes this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by alexsms View Post
    Marcus, the original text is in English.

    The translation sucks as is customary with most of the material translated from other languages into Russian on Russian sites. Even yesterday i've repeatedly seen the word "стрелок" on Russian websites featuring news on mass shooting at Navy Yard in Washington DC. That's how they had translated the word 'gunman'/'shooter'. This sounds absolutely stupid as "стрелок" in Russian is used to indicate a person who shoots for sports, hunting, as a soldier who is operating a gun in cavalry vehicles, tanks, or aircraft, and also it is used to describe a marksman. The examples like that really abound in Russian articles on the internet. So I prefer the material in the original language. Especially those who learn Russian might want to avoid reading such translated material of dubious quality.
    Общие слова, не имеющие отношения к моим комментариям.

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    The disintegration of male hygiene and work ethic that occurs when there is (by some counts) a 3:1 female:male ratio should be noted by anthropologists worldwide.
    Какие еще "some counts"?! Есть же официальная статистика по количеству мужчин и женщин в России в каждом возрасте на каждый год. Из нее четко видно, что мужчин больше в возрасте до 30, женщин - после. 3:1 - это соотношение годам к 80.

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    Quote Originally Posted by alexsms View Post
    ... This sounds absolutely stupid as "стрелок" in Russian is used to indicate a person who shoots for sports, hunting, as a soldier who is operating a gun in cavalry vehicles, tanks, or aircraft, and also it is used to describe a marksman...
    СТРЕЛОК, -лка.л<. 1. Человек, который умеет стрелять; тот, кто стреляет. Стрелок из пистолета, из лука. Искусный стрелок 2. Военнослужащий стрелковых или мотострелковых войск. Горный стрелок Стрелок-гранатомётчик. 3. Военнослужащий, ведущий огонь из танка или с самолёта. Башенный стрелок Стрелок-радист. 4. Служащий военизированной охраны.

    Многоократно встречал употребление этого слова к ответственным за криминальную стрельбу, стрельбу по неосторожности и даже попытки самоубийства из огнестрела. Никаких возражений не вызывало. Стрелок - тот, кто стрелял/стреляет.
    "Россия для русских" - это неправильно. Остальные-то чем лучше?

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