Don't worry about your text or about making it easier for me. It's not on your end. All's good

Quote Originally Posted by grafrich
Or can it just be '- Нет, подождём пока он сам его скажет.' because we know she's talking about his name?
Yes, this. Его just refers back to "name".

Quote Originally Posted by grafrich
Почему он такой тихий? Думаешь ему грустно из-за шока?
There are 2 related concepts covered by the word 'shock'; the first is a sudden intense surprise, the second is a medical term for the physiological after effects of trauma. I think I just assumed that 'шок' would mean both in Russian too.
It does mean these two things in Russian as well. The thing is грустно means sadly. Do you feel sad from shock? I mean it doesn't make sense. Fear, surprise, pain... yes, but sadness? Not as a direct result of shock at the very least.

Quote Originally Posted by grafrich
зайчик как раз бросился наземь
When I first got a 'house rabbit', we brought him home in a box, and after a long while, he jumped out of the box, sat still for a moment, and then threw himself violently onto his side, as if he'd just died of a massive heart attack! Very alarming, but it seems to be what rabbits do.
Point taken I'm just not very familiar with rabbits. From what you said there it seems like you chose a perfect word in your Russian sentence, so great job!

Quote Originally Posted by grafrich
зайчик как раз бросился наземь/ как раз когда пришли вошли в комнату другие
I had intended 'как раз' to mean 'just then' or 'just at that time'. Would it need to be 'как раз когда' in both these sentences?
This is very hard to explain... Let's look at the whole sentences.

Они улыбнулись друг другу на такое чудо, а зайчик как раз бросился наземь.
Он вскрикнул, как раз когда вошли в комнату другие...

They're both fine now. You see both sentences are compound. The first sentence looks like it consists of two fully independent clauses, so no need to put in some extra "stitching" words. The second sentence seems like the first clause is independent, but the second is not. So you need a connecting word like "когда". But it's sketchy and I'm not entirely sure I'm not talking nonsense now