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Thread: Missing parts in English translation of Pushkin's "The daughter of the commandant"

  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Inego View Post
    Марья Ивановна пошла проститься с могилами своих родителей, похороненных за церковью. Я хотел ее проводить, но она просила меня оставить ее одну. Через несколько минут она воротилась, обливаясь молча тихими слезами. Повозка была подана. Отец Герасим и жена его вышли на крыльцо. Мы сели в кибитку втроем: Марья Ивановна с Палашей и я. Marya went to bid a last farewell to the tomb of her parents, buried behind the church.
    I wished to escort her there, but she begged me to let her go alone, and soon came back, weeping quiet tears.
    The carriage was ready or The carriage was driven up. Father Garasim and his wife came to the door to see us off. We took our seats, three abreast, inside the "kibitka," Marya, Polashka and I,
    The carriage arrived.
    Кому - нары, кому - Канары.

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    For батюшка I think you could use Elder.
    For енерал I think you could use Genrl.
    Кому - нары, кому - Канары.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Inego View Post
    Эй, плюнь. Послушайся меня: развяжись ты с капитанскою дочкой. Дорога в Симбирск мною очищена и безопасна. Отправь ее завтра ж одну к родителям твоим; а сам оставайся у меня в отряде. В Оренбург возвращаться тебе незачем. Попадешься опять в руки бунтовщикам, так вряд ли от них еще раз отделаешься. Таким образом любовная дурь пройдет сама собою, и все будет ладно». Give up the idea. Listen to me; part with the Commandant's daughter. I have cleared and made safe the road to Simbirsk; send her to-morrow to your parents alone, and you stay in my detachment. There is no reason for you to go back to Orenburg. If you fall again into the hands of the rebels it will not be easy for you to get off another time. In this way, your love fit will cure itself, and all will be for the best."
    There's no reason for you to return to Orenburg.
    Кому - нары, кому - Канары.

  4. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by Inego View Post
    Отряд Зурина должен был выступить из города в тот же день. Нечего было медлить. Я тут же расстался с Марьей Ивановной, поручив ее Савельичу и дав ей письмо к моим родителям. Марья Ивановна заплакала. «Прощайте, Петр Андреич! — сказала она тихим голосом. — Придется ли нам увидаться, или нет, бог один это знает; но век не забуду вас; до могилы ты один останешься в моем сердце». Я ничего не мог отвечать. Люди нас окружали. Я не хотел при них предаваться чувствам, которые меня волновали. As Zourine's detachment was to leave the town that same day, and it was no longer possible to hesitate, I parted with Marya after entrusting her to Savéliitch, and giving him a letter for my parents. Marya Ivanovna began to cry. "Farewell, Pyotr Andreich!" said she in her quiet voice, "God only knows whether we shall see each other again, but I shall never forget you; and you will remain in my heart to the grave." I could answer her nothing, not wishing to give way to the feelings of my heart before the bystanders.

    Notice the sudden change of "вы" into "ты" in the last sentence Marya Ivanovna spoke. It means a lot, and I cannot imagine any way how it could be rendered into English.
    Zourine's detachment was to leave that day. The was no reason to linger. I parted with Marya, entrusting her to Savéliitch and giving her a letter for my parents. Marya Ivanovna began to cry. "Farewell, Pyotr Andreich!" said she quietly. "Whether we will meet again, God alone knows. But I will never forget you; 'til my dying day, you alone will be in my heart." I couldn't respond as people were surrounding us and I didn't want to give in to the feelings that were rising in me.

    Sorry, English only has little old "you"...
    Кому - нары, кому - Канары.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Inego View Post
    Наконец она уехала. Я возвратился к Зурину, грустен и молчалив. Finally, she departed. I returned to Zourine's silent and thoughtful;

    Or "Finally, she left."?
    "Finally, she left." sounds better to me.
    Кому - нары, кому - Канары.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Inego View Post
    Это было в конце февраля. Зима, затруднявшая военные распоряжения, проходила, и наши генералы готовились к дружному содействию. Пугачев все еще стоял под Оренбургом. Между тем около его отряды соединялись и со всех сторон приближались к злодейскому гнезду. Бунтующие деревни, при виде наших войск, приходили в повиновение; шайки разбойников везде бежали от нас, и все предвещало скорое и благополучное окончание.
    Вскоре князь Голицын, под крепостию Татищевой, разбил Пугачева, рассеял его толпы, освободил Оренбург, и, казалось, нанес бунту последний и решительный удар.
    It was near the end of the month of February. The winter, which had rendered manoeuvres difficult, was drawing to a close, and our Generals were making ready for a combined campaign.
    Pugatchéf was still to be found before Orenburg. Meanwhile around, his merging troops gradually approached the evil nest from every quarter. At the sight of our forces the disaffected villages returned to their allegiance;
    gangs of robbers fled from us everywhere, and everything promised a quick and happy ending. Soon Prince Galítsyn won a complete victory over Pugatchéf, who had ventured near Fort Talitcheff; the victor relieved Orenburg, and appeared to have given the finishing stroke to the rebellion.
    Does около его refer to Пугачев or Оренбургом. Does гнезду refer to Оренбургом?
    Кому - нары, кому - Канары.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Inego View Post
    Но Пугачев не был пойман. Он явился на сибирских заводах, собрал там новые шайки и опять начал злодействовать. Слух о его успехах снова распространился. Мы узнали о разорении сибирских крепостей. Вскоре весть о взятии Казани и о походе самозванца на Москву встревожила начальников войск, беспечно дремавших в надежде на бессилие презренного бунтовщика. Зурин получил повеление переправиться через Волгу. But Pugatchéf had not been taken; he reappeared very soon in the mining country of the Ural, on the Siberian frontier. He reassembled new bands, and again began his robberies. Rumors of his success were being spread again. We learnt about the destruction of Siberian forts. Soon the news of the fall of Kazan and the march of the usurper on Moscow alarmed military commanders dallying carelessly in hopes on the weakness of the despicable rebel. Zourine received orders to cross the River Volga.
    Rumors of his success started to spread again.
    Soon the news of the fall of Kazan and the march of the usurper on Moscow alarmed the military commanders, who were dilly-dallying around carelessly, pinning their hopes on the weakness of the despicable rebel.
    Кому - нары, кому - Канары.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Inego View Post
    Не стану описывать нашего похода и окончания войны. Скажу коротко, что бедствие доходило до крайности. Мы проходили через селения, разоренные бунтовщиками, и поневоле отбирали у бедных жителей то, что успели они спасти. I shall not stay to relate the events of the war.
    I shall only say that misery reached its height. We passed settlements ravaged by the rebels, and by perforce took away from the poor inhabitants what they managed to save.
    We passed settlements ravaged by the rebels, and, forced by need, we took from the poor inhabitants what they had managed to save.
    Кому - нары, кому - Канары.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Inego View Post
    Правление было повсюду прекращено: помещики укрывались по лесам. Шайки разбойников злодействовали повсюду; начальники отдельных отрядов самовластно наказывали и миловали; состояние всего обширного края, где свирепствовал пожар, было ужасно... The authorities had no longer any power anywhere: the gentry hid in the woods. Gangs of robbers did their evil deeds everywhere; the leaders of solitary detachments punished or pardoned without giving account of their conduct. All this extensive and beautiful country-side was laid waste with fire and sword.
    Gangs of robbers were committing outrages everywhere.
    Кому - нары, кому - Канары.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Inego View Post
    This fragment was not missing, I just disliked the translation. This is the key phrase of the whole novel and its rhythm in Russian is very powerful.
    Не приведи бог видеть русский бунт, бессмысленный и беспощадный! May God grant we never see again so senseless and pitiless a revolt.
    I am quite sure the definite article must be used here, because Pushkin wrote about the Russian revolt in general, as a whole. Besides, "русский" was not translated.
    So my suggestion is this: Heaven save us from witnessing the Russian revolt, senseless and merciless!
    God forbid we see a Russian revolt, so senseless and merciless!

    The thing is, the revolt already occurred so he must be talking about the chance of another one, in which case the definite article would not be appropriate. I didn't use the word "another" because I think it's clear that we're talking about the concept of another Russian revolt or Russian revolts in general.
    Кому - нары, кому - Канары.

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    Fragment 27 (updated translation)

    Now that you have asked me what "около" referred to, I've understood that my original translation was wrong.
    Troops mentioned were not of Pugachev, they were of government, and closing and encircling him (Pugachev). Pushkin just used an archaic form "около его" instead of modern "вокруг него" and that confused me. So,

    Между тем около его отряды соединялись и со всех сторон приближались к злодейскому гнезду. Meanwhile troops were merging (closing) around him and approached the evil nest from all directions.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sperk View Post
    God forbid we see a Russian revolt, so senseless and merciless!
    The thing is, the revolt already occurred so he must be talking about the chance of another one, in which case the definite article would not be appropriate. I didn't use the word "another" because I think it's clear that we're talking about the concept of another Russian revolt or Russian revolts in general.
    Googling "God forbid Russian senseless and merciless" returned many results (none of them being a quote from a complete translation, though) and they all had the indefinite article indeed. Thanks for the explanation.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Inego View Post
    Now that you have asked me what "около" referred to, I've understood that my original translation was wrong.
    Troops mentioned were not of Pugachev, they were of government, and closing and encircling him (Pugachev). Pushkin just used an archaic form "около его" instead of modern "вокруг него" and that confused me. So,

    Между тем около его отряды соединялись и со всех сторон приближались к злодейскому гнезду. Meanwhile troops were merging (closing) around him and approached the evil nest from all directions.
    that sounds good.
    Кому - нары, кому - Канары.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Inego View Post
    Отряд Зурина должен был выступить из города в тот же день. Нечего было медлить. Я тут же расстался с Марьей Ивановной, поручив ее Савельичу и дав ей письмо к моим родителям. Марья Ивановна заплакала. «Прощайте, Петр Андреич! — сказала она тихим голосом. — Придется ли нам увидаться, или нет, бог один это знает; но век не забуду вас; до могилы ты один останешься в моем сердце». Я ничего не мог отвечать. Люди нас окружали. Я не хотел при них предаваться чувствам, которые меня волновали. As Zourine's detachment was to leave the town that same day, and it was no longer possible to hesitate, I parted with Marya after entrusting her to Savéliitch, and giving him a letter for my parents. Marya Ivanovna began to cry. "Farewell, Pyotr Andreich!" said she in her quiet voice, "God only knows whether we shall see each other again, but I shall never forget you; and you will remain in my heart to the grave." I could answer her nothing, not wishing to give way to the feelings of my heart before the bystanders.

    Notice the sudden change of "вы" into "ты" in the last sentence Marya Ivanovna spoke. It means a lot, and I cannot imagine any way how it could be rendered into English.
    maybe somethng like:
    Zourine's detachment was to leave that day. The was no reason to linger. I parted with Marya, entrusting her to Savéliitch and giving her a letter for my parents. Marya Ivanovna began to cry. "Farewell, Pyotr Andreich!" she said quietly. "Whether we will meet again, God alone knows," she added. Then growing more affectionate: "But I will never forget you; 'til my dying day, you alone will be in my heart." I couldn't respond as people were surrounding us and I didn't want to give in to the feelings that were rising in me.
    Кому - нары, кому - Канары.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sperk View Post
    maybe somethng like:
    Zourine's detachment was to leave that day. The was no reason to linger. I parted with Marya, entrusting her to Savéliitch and giving her a letter for my parents. Marya Ivanovna began to cry. "Farewell, Pyotr Andreich!" she said quietly. "Whether we will meet again, God alone knows," she added. Then growing more affectionate: "But I will never forget you; 'til my dying day, you alone will be in my heart." I couldn't respond as people were surrounding us and I didn't want to give in to the feelings that were rising in me.
    This sounds more like a script

    EDIT: Wow, you've corrected a mistake made by Milne-Home that I didn't notice! Really: in Russian, Grinyov gave the letter to Masha while in English it suddenly appears he gave it to Savelyich

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    Fragment 32

    Но между тем странное чувство отравляло мою радость: мысль о злодее, обрызганном кровию стольких невинных жертв, и о казни, его ожидающей, тревожила меня поневоле: «Емеля, Емеля! — думал я с досадою, — зачем не наткнулся ты на штык или не подвернулся под картечь? Лучше ничего не мог бы ты придумать». Что прикажете делать? Мысль о нем неразлучна была во мне с мыслию о пощаде, данной мне им в одну из ужасных минут его жизни, и об избавлении моей невесты из рук гнусного Швабрина. And I must confess a strange feeling embittered my joy.
    The recollection of the man covered with the blood of so many innocent victims, and the thought of the punishment awaiting him, never left me any peace.
    "Emélya," I said to myself, in vexation, "why did you not cast yourself on the bayonets, or present your heart to the grapeshot. That had been best for you."
    What could I do? Thoughts of him were inseparably connected in my mind with thoughts of the mercy shown by him to me during one of the horrible moments of his life, and of rescue of my fiancée from the hands of villainous Chvabrine.

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    Fragment 33

    Я был уверен, что виною всему было самовольное мое отсутствие из Оренбурга. Я легко мог оправдаться: наездничество не только никогда не было запрещено, но еще всеми силами было ободряемо. Я мог быть обвинен в излишней запальчивости, а не в ослушании. Но приятельские сношения мои с Пугачевым могли быть доказаны множеством свидетелей и должны были казаться по крайней мере весьма подозрительными. Во всю дорогу размышлял я о допросах, меня ожидающих, обдумывал свои ответы и решился перед судом объявить сущую правду, полагая сей способ оправдания самым простым, а вместе и самым надежным. I did not doubt that the cause of my arrest was my departure from Orenburg without leave. Thus I could easily exculpate myself, for not only had we not been forbidden to make sorties against the enemy, but were encouraged in so doing.
    They could accuse me of excessive enthusiasm, but not of disobedience. Still my friendly understanding with Pugatchéf seemed to be proved by a crowd of witnesses, and must appear at least suspicious. All the way I pondered the questions I should be asked, and mentally resolved upon my answers. I determined to tell the judges the whole truth, convinced that it was at once the simplest and surest way of justifying myself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Inego View Post
    Но между тем странное чувство отравляло мою радость: мысль о злодее, обрызганном кровию стольких невинных жертв, и о казни, его ожидающей, тревожила меня поневоле: «Емеля, Емеля! — думал я с досадою, — зачем не наткнулся ты на штык или не подвернулся под картечь? Лучше ничего не мог бы ты придумать». Что прикажете делать? Мысль о нем неразлучна была во мне с мыслию о пощаде, данной мне им в одну из ужасных минут его жизни, и об избавлении моей невесты из рук гнусного Швабрина. And I must confess a strange feeling embittered my joy.
    The recollection of the man covered with the blood of so many innocent victims, and the thought of the punishment awaiting him, never left me any peace.
    "Emélya," I said to myself, in vexation, "why did you not cast yourself on the bayonets, or present your heart to the grapeshot. That had been best for you."
    What could I do? Thoughts of him were inseparably connected in my mind with thoughts of the mercy shown by him to me during one of the horrible moments of his life, and of rescue of my fiancée from the hands of villainous Chvabrine.
    Thoughts of him were inseparably connected in my mind with thoughts of the mercy he showed me during one of the most horrible moments of his life, and of the rescue of my fiancée from the hands of villainous Chvabrine.
    Кому - нары, кому - Канары.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Inego View Post
    Я был уверен, что виною всему было самовольное мое отсутствие из Оренбурга. Я легко мог оправдаться: наездничество не только никогда не было запрещено, но еще всеми силами было ободряемо. Я мог быть обвинен в излишней запальчивости, а не в ослушании. Но приятельские сношения мои с Пугачевым могли быть доказаны множеством свидетелей и должны были казаться по крайней мере весьма подозрительными. Во всю дорогу размышлял я о допросах, меня ожидающих, обдумывал свои ответы и решился перед судом объявить сущую правду, полагая сей способ оправдания самым простым, а вместе и самым надежным. I did not doubt that the cause of my arrest was my departure from Orenburg without leave. Thus I could easily exculpate myself, for not only had we not been forbidden to make sorties against the enemy, but were encouraged in so doing.
    They could accuse me of excessive enthusiasm, but not of disobedience. Still my friendly understanding with Pugatchéf seemed to be proved by a crowd of witnesses, and must appear at least suspicious. All the way I pondered the questions I should be asked, and mentally resolved upon my answers. I determined to tell the judges the whole truth, convinced that it was at once the simplest and surest way of justifying myself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sperk View Post
    Thoughts of him were inseparably connected in my mind with thoughts of the mercy he showed me during one of the most horrible moments of his life, and of the rescue of my fiancée from the hands of villainous Chvabrine.
    You mean "What could I do?" in the beginning is not needed? Or it is OK?

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