Thread: Missing parts in English translation of Pushkin's "The daughter of the commandant"

Originally Posted by Inego

Между тем собрались и прочие приглашенные. Между ими, кроме самого генерала, не было ни одного военного человека. Когда все уселись и всем разнесли по чашке чаю, генерал изложил весьма ясно и пространно, в чем состояло дело. «Теперь, господа, — продолжал он, — надлежит решить, как нам действовать противу мятежников: наступательно или оборонительно?

During this time the other guests had assembled. There were no military men among them except for the General. When all were seated, and each one had been offered a cup of tea, the General explained lengthily and minutely what was the affair in hand. "Now, gentlemen, we must decide how we mean to act against the rebels. Shall it be offensively or defensively?

Originally Posted by Inego

Я умирал со скуки. Время шло. Писем из Белогорской крепости я не получал. Все дороги были отрезаны. Разлука с Марьей Ивановной становилась мне нестерпима. Неизвестность о ее судьбе меня мучила.

I was dying of ennui. The time passed but slowly. I could not get any letter from Bélogorsk, for all the roads were blocked, and the separation from Marya became unbearable. The uncertainty of her fate tortured me.

Originally Posted by Inego

— Господа енаралы! — провозгласил важно Пугачев. — Полно вам ссориться. Не беда, если б и все оренбургские собаки дрыгали ногами под одной перекладиной: беда, если наши кобели меж собою перегрызутся. Ну, помиритесь. Хлопуша и Белобородов не сказали ни слова и мрачно смотрели друг на друга.

"Gentlemen," said Pugatchéf, with dignity, "stop quarrelling. It would not be a great misfortune if all the mangy curs of Orenburg dangled their legs beneath the same cross-bar, but it would be a pity if our good dogs took to biting each other. Now, make your peace." Khlopúsha and Béloborodoff said nothing, and exchanged black looks.

+ I'm curious, how could one render Pugachev's address "енаралы" into English. "Енаралы" is an illiterate folk form of "генералы".

I can't think of anything similar about the general; no matter how ignorant someone is they are not likely to mispronounce the word. It's more understandable that a Russian peasant would make a mistake as it's a word borrowed from another language.

Originally Posted by Inego

— То-то! — сказал я Пугачеву. — Не лучше ли тебе отстать от них самому, заблаговременно, да прибегнуть к милосердию государыни? Пугачев горько усмехнулся. — Нет, — отвечал он, — поздно мне каяться. Для меня не будет помилования. Буду продолжать как начал. Как знать? Авось и удастся! Гришка Отрепьев ведь поцарствовал же над Москвою. — А знаешь ты, чем он кончил? Его выбросили из окна, зарезали, сожгли, зарядили его пеплом пушку и выпалили! — Слушай, — сказал Пугачев с каким-то диким вдохновением. — Расскажу тебе сказку, которую в ребячестве мне рассказывала старая калмычка. Однажды орел спрашивал у ворона: скажи, ворон-птица, отчего живешь ты на белом свете триста лет, а я всего-навсе только тридцать три года? — Оттого, батюшка, отвечал ему ворон, что ты пьешь живую кровь, а я питаюсь мертвечиной. Орел подумал: давай попробуем и мы питаться тем же. Хорошо. Полетели орел да ворон. Вот завидели палую лошадь; спустились и сели. Ворон стал клевать да похваливать. Орел клюнул раз, клюнул другой, махнул крылом и сказал ворону: нет, брат ворон; чем триста лет питаться падалью, лучше раз напиться живой кровью, а там что бог даст! — Какова калмыцкая сказка? — Затейлива, — отвечал я ему. — Но жить убийством и разбоем значит по мне клевать мертвечину. Пугачев посмотрел на меня с удивлением и ничего не отвечал. Оба мы замолчали, погрузясь каждый в свои размышления.

"Well," I said to Pugatchéf, "would it not be better to forsake them yourself, ere it be too late, and throw yourself on the mercy of the Tzarina?" Pugatchéf smiled bitterly. "No," said he, "the day of repentance is past and gone; they will not give me grace. I must go on as I have begun. Who knows? It may be. Grischka Otrépieff certainly became Tzar at Moscow." "But do you know his end? He was cast out of a window, he was massacred, burnt, and his ashes blown abroad at the cannon's mouth, to the four winds of heaven." "Listen," said Pugatchéf in a sort of wild inspiration. "I will tell you a tale told me by an old Kalmyk woman when I was a kid. Once upon a time an eagle asked a raven: Tell me, raven bird, why do you live three hundred years in this world, and I only thirty-three? — That is, father, because you drink hot blood, and I eat carrion. — The eagle thought for a while: Let us try to eat the same as you. Good. They flew, the eagle and the raven. Presently, they saw a dead horse; they descended and sat near it. The raven began to peck praising what it ate. The eagle pecked one time, pecked two times, flapped its wing and told the raven: No, brother raven, instead of eating carrion for three hundred years, it's better to drink fresh blood one's fill — and then come what may! Now, how do you find this Kalmyk tale?" "A fanciful one," I told him. "But to live by murder and robbery means to me to peck carrion." Pugatchéf looked at me in astonishment, and didn't reply anything. We both kept silence for a while, each of us being lost in thought.

"Listen," said Pugatchéf in a sort of wild inspiration. "I will tell you a tale told me by an old Kalmyk woman when I was a kid. Once upon a time an eagle asked a raven, "Tell me, raven bird, why do you live three hundred years in this world, and I only thirty-three?"
"That is because you drink hot blood and I eat carrion," answered the raven.
The eagle thought for a while and then said, "Let's try and eat the same food."
"OK," said the raven.
They flew, the eagle and the raven. Presently, they saw a dead horse; they descended and sat near it. The raven began to peck, praising what it ate. The eagle pecked once, twice, flapped its wing and told the raven, "No, brother raven. Instead of eating carrion for three hundred years it's better to drink one's fill of fresh blood and then come what may!"
"Now, how do you find this Kalmyk tale?" Pugatchéf asked.
"A fanciful one," I told him. "But to live by murder and robbery means the same thing to me as pecking carrion."
Pugatchéf looked at me in astonishment and didn't reply. We both kept silent for a while, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

Note: In English, the term father, when addressed to someone is only used with one's father, hence the raven can't call the eagle father.

Originally Posted by Inego

Изменник помог Пугачеву вылезть из кибитки, в подлых выражениях изъявляя свою радость и усердие. Увидя меня, он смутился; но вскоре оправился, протянул мне руку, говоря: «И ты наш? Давно бы так!» Я отворотился от него и ничего не отвечал.

The traitor helped Pugatchéf to get out of the carriage, expressing by obsequious words his zeal and joy. Seeing me he became uneasy, but soon recovered himself, held out his hand and said, "You are one of us, it should have been long ago." I turned away my head without answering him.

Originally Posted by Inego

Отговориться было невозможно. Швабрин повел Пугачева в светлицу Марьи Ивановны. Я за ними последовал. Швабрин остановился на лестнице. — Государь! — сказал он. — Вы властны требовать от меня, что вам угодно; но не прикажите постороннему входить в спальню к жене моей. Я затрепетал. — Так ты женат! — сказал я Швабрину, готовяся его растерзать. — Тише! — прервал меня Пугачев. — Это мое дело. А ты, — продолжал он, обращаясь к Швабрину, — не умничай и не ломайся: жена ли она тебе, или не жена, а я веду к ней кого хочу. Ваше благородие, ступай за мною.

It was impossible to hesitate. Chvabrine led Pugatchéf to Marya Ivánofna's room. I followed them. Chvabrine stopped on the stairs. "Tzar," said he, "you can constrain me to do as you list, but do not permit a stranger to enter my wife's room." I shuddered. "You are married!" cried I, ready to tear him in pieces. "Hush!" interrupted Pugatchéf, "it is my concern. And you," continued he, turning towards Chvabrine, "do not swagger; whether she be your wife or no, I take whomsoever I please to see her. Your lordship, follow me."

"Tzar," said he, "you can constrain me to do as you wish, but do not permit a stranger to enter my wife's room."
I started to shake with anger.

Originally Posted by Inego

В самую эту минуту дверь отворилась, и Марья Ивановна пошла с улыбкою на бледном лице. Она оставила свое крестьянское платье и одета была по-прежнему просто и мило. Я схватил ее руку и долго не мог вымолвить ни одного слова. Мы оба молчали от полноты сердца. Хозяева наши почувствовали, что нам было не до них, и оставили нас. Мы остались одни. Все было забыто. Мы говорили и не могли наговориться. Марья Ивановна рассказала мне все, что с нею ни случилось с самого взятия крепости; описала мне весь ужас ее положения, все испытания, которым подвергал ее гнусный Швабрин.

At this moment the door opened, and Marya Ivánofna appeared, with a smile on her pale face. She had changed her peasant dress, and was dressed as usual, simply and suitably. I seized her hand, and could not for a while say a single word. We were both silent, our hearts were too full. Our hosts felt we had other things to do than to talk to them; they left us. We remained alone, forgetting the rest of the world. We talked and couldn't stop. Marya told me all that had befallen her since the taking of the fort; painted me the horrors of her position, all the torment the infamous Chvabrine had made her suffer.

Originally Posted by sperk

The eagle thought for a while and then said, "Let's try and eat the same food."
"OK," said the raven.
They flew, the eagle and the raven.

In the Russian original "Хорошо." is not what the Raven said, it's a remark by the narrator meaning something like "Now, I go on with the story".
That's why I translated it literally since I didn't (and don't) know the English equivalent.

Originally Posted by Inego

In the Russian original "Хорошо." is not what the Raven said, it's a remark by the narrator meaning something like "Now, I go on with the story".
That's why I translated it literally since I didn't (and don't) know the English equivalent.

I would just leave it out. That sort of thing isn't found in English. You could say something like, "moving on with the story..." but it's unnecessary.

Originally Posted by sperk

I would just leave it out. That sort of thing isn't found in English. You could say something like, "moving on with the story..." but it's unnecessary.

The problem is that this translation is a part of a parallel book, and I try to stay as close to the original as possible. What the readers will think when they see "Хорошо." in Russian without any translation in English?
Maybe just use "So"?

So, they flew, the eagle and the raven.

Марья Ивановна пошла проститься с могилами своих родителей, похороненных за церковью. Я хотел ее проводить, но она просила меня оставить ее одну. Через несколько минут она воротилась, обливаясь молча тихими слезами. Повозка была подана. Отец Герасим и жена его вышли на крыльцо. Мы сели в кибитку втроем: Марья Ивановна с Палашей и я.

Marya went to bid a last farewell to the tomb of her parents, buried behind the church. I wished to escort her there, but she begged me to let her go alone, and soon came back, weeping quiet tears. The carriage was ready or The carriage was driven up. Father Garasim and his wife came to the door to see us off. We took our seats, three abreast, inside the "kibitka," Marya, Polashka and I,

Эй, плюнь. Послушайся меня: развяжись ты с капитанскою дочкой. Дорога в Симбирск мною очищена и безопасна. Отправь ее завтра ж одну к родителям твоим; а сам оставайся у меня в отряде. В Оренбург возвращаться тебе незачем. Попадешься опять в руки бунтовщикам, так вряд ли от них еще раз отделаешься. Таким образом любовная дурь пройдет сама собою, и все будет ладно».

Give up the idea. Listen to me; part with the Commandant's daughter. I have cleared and made safe the road to Simbirsk; send her to-morrow to your parents alone, and you stay in my detachment. There is no reason for you to go back to Orenburg. If you fall again into the hands of the rebels it will not be easy for you to get off another time. In this way, your love fit will cure itself, and all will be for the best."

Отряд Зурина должен был выступить из города в тот же день. Нечего было медлить. Я тут же расстался с Марьей Ивановной, поручив ее Савельичу и дав ей письмо к моим родителям. Марья Ивановна заплакала. «Прощайте, Петр Андреич! — сказала она тихим голосом. — Придется ли нам увидаться, или нет, бог один это знает; но век не забуду вас; до могилы ты один останешься в моем сердце». Я ничего не мог отвечать. Люди нас окружали. Я не хотел при них предаваться чувствам, которые меня волновали.

As Zourine's detachment was to leave the town that same day, and it was no longer possible to hesitate, I parted with Marya after entrusting her to Savéliitch, and giving him a letter for my parents. Marya Ivanovna began to cry. "Farewell, Pyotr Andreich!" said she in her quiet voice, "God only knows whether we shall see each other again, but I shall never forget you; and you will remain in my heart to the grave." I could answer her nothing, not wishing to give way to the feelings of my heart before the bystanders.

Notice the sudden change of "вы" into "ты" in the last sentence Marya Ivanovna spoke. It means a lot, and I cannot imagine any way how it could be rendered into English.

Наконец она уехала. Я возвратился к Зурину, грустен и молчалив.

Finally, she departed. I returned to Zourine's silent and thoughtful;

Or "Finally, she left."?

Это было в конце февраля. Зима, затруднявшая военные распоряжения, проходила, и наши генералы готовились к дружному содействию. Пугачев все еще стоял под Оренбургом. Между тем около его отряды соединялись и со всех сторон приближались к злодейскому гнезду. Бунтующие деревни, при виде наших войск, приходили в повиновение; шайки разбойников везде бежали от нас, и все предвещало скорое и благополучное окончание. Вскоре князь Голицын, под крепостию Татищевой, разбил Пугачева, рассеял его толпы, освободил Оренбург, и, казалось, нанес бунту последний и решительный удар.

It was near the end of the month of February. The winter, which had rendered manoeuvres difficult, was drawing to a close, and our Generals were making ready for a combined campaign. Pugatchéf was still to be found before Orenburg. Meanwhile around, his merging troops gradually approached the evil nest from every quarter. At the sight of our forces the disaffected villages returned to their allegiance; gangs of robbers fled from us everywhere, and everything promised a quick and happy ending. Soon Prince Galítsyn won a complete victory over Pugatchéf, who had ventured near Fort Talitcheff; the victor relieved Orenburg, and appeared to have given the finishing stroke to the rebellion.

Но Пугачев не был пойман. Он явился на сибирских заводах, собрал там новые шайки и опять начал злодействовать. Слух о его успехах снова распространился. Мы узнали о разорении сибирских крепостей. Вскоре весть о взятии Казани и о походе самозванца на Москву встревожила начальников войск, беспечно дремавших в надежде на бессилие презренного бунтовщика. Зурин получил повеление переправиться через Волгу.

But Pugatchéf had not been taken; he reappeared very soon in the mining country of the Ural, on the Siberian frontier. He reassembled new bands, and again began his robberies. Rumors of his success were being spread again. We learnt about the destruction of Siberian forts. Soon the news of the fall of Kazan and the march of the usurper on Moscow alarmed military commanders dallying carelessly in hopes on the weakness of the despicable rebel. Zourine received orders to cross the River Volga.

Не стану описывать нашего похода и окончания войны. Скажу коротко, что бедствие доходило до крайности. Мы проходили через селения, разоренные бунтовщиками, и поневоле отбирали у бедных жителей то, что успели они спасти.

I shall not stay to relate the events of the war. I shall only say that misery reached its height. We passed settlements ravaged by the rebels, and by perforce took away from the poor inhabitants what they managed to save.

Правление было повсюду прекращено: помещики укрывались по лесам. Шайки разбойников злодействовали повсюду; начальники отдельных отрядов самовластно наказывали и миловали; состояние всего обширного края, где свирепствовал пожар, было ужасно...

The authorities had no longer any power anywhere: the gentry hid in the woods. Gangs of robbers did their evil deeds everywhere; the leaders of solitary detachments punished or pardoned without giving account of their conduct. All this extensive and beautiful country-side was laid waste with fire and sword.

This fragment was not missing, I just disliked the translation. This is the key phrase of the whole novel and its rhythm in Russian is very powerful.

Не приведи бог видеть русский бунт, бессмысленный и беспощадный!

May God grant we never see again so senseless and pitiless a revolt.

I am quite sure the definite article must be used here, because Pushkin wrote about the Russian revolt in general, as a whole. Besides, "русский" was not translated.
So my suggestion is this: Heaven save us from witnessing the Russian revolt, senseless and merciless!

Originally Posted by Inego

The problem is that this translation is a part of a parallel book, and I try to stay as close to the original as possible. What the readers will think when they see "Хорошо." in Russian without any translation in English?
Maybe just use "So"?

So, they flew, the eagle and the raven.

And so, away they flew, the eagle and the raven.