Thread: Missing parts in English translation of Pushkin's "The daughter of the commandant"

Originally Posted by Inego

— То-то! — сказал я Пугачеву. — Не лучше ли тебе отстать от них самому, заблаговременно, да прибегнуть к милосердию государыни? Пугачев горько усмехнулся. — Нет, — отвечал он, — поздно мне каяться. Для меня не будет помилования. Буду продолжать как начал. Как знать? Авось и удастся! Гришка Отрепьев ведь поцарствовал же над Москвою. — А знаешь ты, чем он кончил? Его выбросили из окна, зарезали, сожгли, зарядили его пеплом пушку и выпалили! — Слушай, — сказал Пугачев с каким-то диким вдохновением. — Расскажу тебе сказку, которую в ребячестве мне рассказывала старая калмычка. Однажды орел спрашивал у ворона: скажи, ворон-птица, отчего живешь ты на белом свете триста лет, а я всего-навсе только тридцать три года? — Оттого, батюшка, отвечал ему ворон, что ты пьешь живую кровь, а я питаюсь мертвечиной. Орел подумал: давай попробуем и мы питаться тем же. Хорошо. Полетели орел да ворон. Вот завидели палую лошадь; спустились и сели. Ворон стал клевать да похваливать. Орел клюнул раз, клюнул другой, махнул крылом и сказал ворону: нет, брат ворон; чем триста лет питаться падалью, лучше раз напиться живой кровью, а там что бог даст! — Какова калмыцкая сказка? — Затейлива, — отвечал я ему. — Но жить убийством и разбоем значит по мне клевать мертвечину. Пугачев посмотрел на меня с удивлением и ничего не отвечал. Оба мы замолчали, погрузясь каждый в свои размышления.

"Well," I said to Pugatchéf, "would it not be better to forsake them yourself, ere it be too late, and throw yourself on the mercy of the Tzarina?" Pugatchéf smiled bitterly. "No," said he, "the day of repentance is past and gone; they will not give me grace. I must go on as I have begun. Who knows? It may be. Grischka Otrépieff certainly became Tzar at Moscow." "But do you know his end? He was cast out of a window, he was massacred, burnt, and his ashes blown abroad at the cannon's mouth, to the four winds of heaven." "Listen," said Pugatchéf in a sort of wild inspiration. "I will tell you a tale told me by an old Kalmyk woman when I was a kid. Once upon a time an eagle asked a raven: Tell me, raven bird, why do you live three hundred years in this world, and I only thirty-three? — That is, father, because you drink hot blood, and I eat carrion. — The eagle thought for a while: Let us try to eat the same as you. Good. They flew, the eagle and the raven. Presently, they saw a dead horse; they descended and sat near it. The raven began to peck praising what it ate. The eagle pecked one time, pecked two times, flapped its wing and told the raven: No, brother raven, instead of eating carrion for three hundred years, it's better to drink fresh blood one's fill — and then come what may! Now, how do you find this Kalmyk tale?" "A fanciful one," I told him. "But to live by murder and robbery means to me to peck carrion." Pugatchéf looked at me in astonishment, and didn't reply anything. We both kept silence for a while, each of us being lost in thought.

"Listen," said Pugatchéf in a sort of wild inspiration. "I will tell you a tale told me by an old Kalmyk woman when I was a kid. Once upon a time an eagle asked a raven, "Tell me, raven bird, why do you live three hundred years in this world, and I only thirty-three?"
"That is because you drink hot blood and I eat carrion," answered the raven.
The eagle thought for a while and then said, "Let's try and eat the same food."
"OK," said the raven.
They flew, the eagle and the raven. Presently, they saw a dead horse; they descended and sat near it. The raven began to peck, praising what it ate. The eagle pecked once, twice, flapped its wing and told the raven, "No, brother raven. Instead of eating carrion for three hundred years it's better to drink one's fill of fresh blood and then come what may!"
"Now, how do you find this Kalmyk tale?" Pugatchéf asked.
"A fanciful one," I told him. "But to live by murder and robbery means the same thing to me as pecking carrion."
Pugatchéf looked at me in astonishment and didn't reply. We both kept silent for a while, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

Note: In English, the term father, when addressed to someone is only used with one's father, hence the raven can't call the eagle father.

Originally Posted by sperk

The eagle thought for a while and then said, "Let's try and eat the same food."
"OK," said the raven.
They flew, the eagle and the raven.

In the Russian original "Хорошо." is not what the Raven said, it's a remark by the narrator meaning something like "Now, I go on with the story".
That's why I translated it literally since I didn't (and don't) know the English equivalent.

Originally Posted by Inego

In the Russian original "Хорошо." is not what the Raven said, it's a remark by the narrator meaning something like "Now, I go on with the story".
That's why I translated it literally since I didn't (and don't) know the English equivalent.

I would just leave it out. That sort of thing isn't found in English. You could say something like, "moving on with the story..." but it's unnecessary.

Originally Posted by sperk

I would just leave it out. That sort of thing isn't found in English. You could say something like, "moving on with the story..." but it's unnecessary.

The problem is that this translation is a part of a parallel book, and I try to stay as close to the original as possible. What the readers will think when they see "Хорошо." in Russian without any translation in English?
Maybe just use "So"?

So, they flew, the eagle and the raven.

Изменник помог Пугачеву вылезть из кибитки, в подлых выражениях изъявляя свою радость и усердие. Увидя меня, он смутился; но вскоре оправился, протянул мне руку, говоря: «И ты наш? Давно бы так!» Я отворотился от него и ничего не отвечал.

The traitor helped Pugatchéf to get out of the carriage, expressing by obsequious words his zeal and joy. Seeing me he became uneasy, but soon recovered himself, held out his hand and said, "You are one of us, it should have been long ago." I turned away my head without answering him.

Originally Posted by Inego

Изменник помог Пугачеву вылезть из кибитки, в подлых выражениях изъявляя свою радость и усердие. Увидя меня, он смутился; но вскоре оправился, протянул мне руку, говоря: «И ты наш? Давно бы так!» Я отворотился от него и ничего не отвечал.

The traitor helped Pugatchéf to get out of the carriage, expressing by obsequious words his zeal and joy. Seeing me he became uneasy, but soon recovered himself, held out his hand and said, "You are one of us, it should have been long ago." I turned away my head without answering him.

Отговориться было невозможно. Швабрин повел Пугачева в светлицу Марьи Ивановны. Я за ними последовал. Швабрин остановился на лестнице. — Государь! — сказал он. — Вы властны требовать от меня, что вам угодно; но не прикажите постороннему входить в спальню к жене моей. Я затрепетал. — Так ты женат! — сказал я Швабрину, готовяся его растерзать. — Тише! — прервал меня Пугачев. — Это мое дело. А ты, — продолжал он, обращаясь к Швабрину, — не умничай и не ломайся: жена ли она тебе, или не жена, а я веду к ней кого хочу. Ваше благородие, ступай за мною.

It was impossible to hesitate. Chvabrine led Pugatchéf to Marya Ivánofna's room. I followed them. Chvabrine stopped on the stairs. "Tzar," said he, "you can constrain me to do as you list, but do not permit a stranger to enter my wife's room." I shuddered. "You are married!" cried I, ready to tear him in pieces. "Hush!" interrupted Pugatchéf, "it is my concern. And you," continued he, turning towards Chvabrine, "do not swagger; whether she be your wife or no, I take whomsoever I please to see her. Your lordship, follow me."

Originally Posted by Inego

Отговориться было невозможно. Швабрин повел Пугачева в светлицу Марьи Ивановны. Я за ними последовал. Швабрин остановился на лестнице. — Государь! — сказал он. — Вы властны требовать от меня, что вам угодно; но не прикажите постороннему входить в спальню к жене моей. Я затрепетал. — Так ты женат! — сказал я Швабрину, готовяся его растерзать. — Тише! — прервал меня Пугачев. — Это мое дело. А ты, — продолжал он, обращаясь к Швабрину, — не умничай и не ломайся: жена ли она тебе, или не жена, а я веду к ней кого хочу. Ваше благородие, ступай за мною.

It was impossible to hesitate. Chvabrine led Pugatchéf to Marya Ivánofna's room. I followed them. Chvabrine stopped on the stairs. "Tzar," said he, "you can constrain me to do as you list, but do not permit a stranger to enter my wife's room." I shuddered. "You are married!" cried I, ready to tear him in pieces. "Hush!" interrupted Pugatchéf, "it is my concern. And you," continued he, turning towards Chvabrine, "do not swagger; whether she be your wife or no, I take whomsoever I please to see her. Your lordship, follow me."

"Tzar," said he, "you can constrain me to do as you wish, but do not permit a stranger to enter my wife's room."
I started to shake with anger.

В самую эту минуту дверь отворилась, и Марья Ивановна пошла с улыбкою на бледном лице. Она оставила свое крестьянское платье и одета была по-прежнему просто и мило. Я схватил ее руку и долго не мог вымолвить ни одного слова. Мы оба молчали от полноты сердца. Хозяева наши почувствовали, что нам было не до них, и оставили нас. Мы остались одни. Все было забыто. Мы говорили и не могли наговориться. Марья Ивановна рассказала мне все, что с нею ни случилось с самого взятия крепости; описала мне весь ужас ее положения, все испытания, которым подвергал ее гнусный Швабрин.

At this moment the door opened, and Marya Ivánofna appeared, with a smile on her pale face. She had changed her peasant dress, and was dressed as usual, simply and suitably. I seized her hand, and could not for a while say a single word. We were both silent, our hearts were too full. Our hosts felt we had other things to do than to talk to them; they left us. We remained alone, forgetting the rest of the world. We talked and couldn't stop. Marya told me all that had befallen her since the taking of the fort; painted me the horrors of her position, all the torment the infamous Chvabrine had made her suffer.

Originally Posted by Inego

В самую эту минуту дверь отворилась, и Марья Ивановна пошла с улыбкою на бледном лице. Она оставила свое крестьянское платье и одета была по-прежнему просто и мило. Я схватил ее руку и долго не мог вымолвить ни одного слова. Мы оба молчали от полноты сердца. Хозяева наши почувствовали, что нам было не до них, и оставили нас. Мы остались одни. Все было забыто. Мы говорили и не могли наговориться. Марья Ивановна рассказала мне все, что с нею ни случилось с самого взятия крепости; описала мне весь ужас ее положения, все испытания, которым подвергал ее гнусный Швабрин.

At this moment the door opened, and Marya Ivánofna appeared, with a smile on her pale face. She had changed her peasant dress, and was dressed as usual, simply and suitably. I seized her hand, and could not for a while say a single word. We were both silent, our hearts were too full. Our hosts felt we had other things to do than to talk to them; they left us. We remained alone, forgetting the rest of the world. We talked and couldn't stop. Marya told me all that had befallen her since the taking of the fort; painted me the horrors of her position, all the torment the infamous Chvabrine had made her suffer.

Марья Ивановна пошла проститься с могилами своих родителей, похороненных за церковью. Я хотел ее проводить, но она просила меня оставить ее одну. Через несколько минут она воротилась, обливаясь молча тихими слезами. Повозка была подана. Отец Герасим и жена его вышли на крыльцо. Мы сели в кибитку втроем: Марья Ивановна с Палашей и я.

Marya went to bid a last farewell to the tomb of her parents, buried behind the church. I wished to escort her there, but she begged me to let her go alone, and soon came back, weeping quiet tears. The carriage was ready or The carriage was driven up. Father Garasim and his wife came to the door to see us off. We took our seats, three abreast, inside the "kibitka," Marya, Polashka and I,

Originally Posted by Inego

Марья Ивановна пошла проститься с могилами своих родителей, похороненных за церковью. Я хотел ее проводить, но она просила меня оставить ее одну. Через несколько минут она воротилась, обливаясь молча тихими слезами. Повозка была подана. Отец Герасим и жена его вышли на крыльцо. Мы сели в кибитку втроем: Марья Ивановна с Палашей и я.

Marya went to bid a last farewell to the tomb of her parents, buried behind the church. I wished to escort her there, but she begged me to let her go alone, and soon came back, weeping quiet tears. The carriage was ready or The carriage was driven up. Father Garasim and his wife came to the door to see us off. We took our seats, three abreast, inside the "kibitka," Marya, Polashka and I,

The carriage arrived.

For батюшка I think you could use Elder.
For енерал I think you could use Genrl.

Эй, плюнь. Послушайся меня: развяжись ты с капитанскою дочкой. Дорога в Симбирск мною очищена и безопасна. Отправь ее завтра ж одну к родителям твоим; а сам оставайся у меня в отряде. В Оренбург возвращаться тебе незачем. Попадешься опять в руки бунтовщикам, так вряд ли от них еще раз отделаешься. Таким образом любовная дурь пройдет сама собою, и все будет ладно».

Give up the idea. Listen to me; part with the Commandant's daughter. I have cleared and made safe the road to Simbirsk; send her to-morrow to your parents alone, and you stay in my detachment. There is no reason for you to go back to Orenburg. If you fall again into the hands of the rebels it will not be easy for you to get off another time. In this way, your love fit will cure itself, and all will be for the best."

Originally Posted by Inego

Эй, плюнь. Послушайся меня: развяжись ты с капитанскою дочкой. Дорога в Симбирск мною очищена и безопасна. Отправь ее завтра ж одну к родителям твоим; а сам оставайся у меня в отряде. В Оренбург возвращаться тебе незачем. Попадешься опять в руки бунтовщикам, так вряд ли от них еще раз отделаешься. Таким образом любовная дурь пройдет сама собою, и все будет ладно».

Give up the idea. Listen to me; part with the Commandant's daughter. I have cleared and made safe the road to Simbirsk; send her to-morrow to your parents alone, and you stay in my detachment. There is no reason for you to go back to Orenburg. If you fall again into the hands of the rebels it will not be easy for you to get off another time. In this way, your love fit will cure itself, and all will be for the best."

There's no reason for you to return to Orenburg.

Отряд Зурина должен был выступить из города в тот же день. Нечего было медлить. Я тут же расстался с Марьей Ивановной, поручив ее Савельичу и дав ей письмо к моим родителям. Марья Ивановна заплакала. «Прощайте, Петр Андреич! — сказала она тихим голосом. — Придется ли нам увидаться, или нет, бог один это знает; но век не забуду вас; до могилы ты один останешься в моем сердце». Я ничего не мог отвечать. Люди нас окружали. Я не хотел при них предаваться чувствам, которые меня волновали.

As Zourine's detachment was to leave the town that same day, and it was no longer possible to hesitate, I parted with Marya after entrusting her to Savéliitch, and giving him a letter for my parents. Marya Ivanovna began to cry. "Farewell, Pyotr Andreich!" said she in her quiet voice, "God only knows whether we shall see each other again, but I shall never forget you; and you will remain in my heart to the grave." I could answer her nothing, not wishing to give way to the feelings of my heart before the bystanders.

Notice the sudden change of "вы" into "ты" in the last sentence Marya Ivanovna spoke. It means a lot, and I cannot imagine any way how it could be rendered into English.

Originally Posted by Inego

Отряд Зурина должен был выступить из города в тот же день. Нечего было медлить. Я тут же расстался с Марьей Ивановной, поручив ее Савельичу и дав ей письмо к моим родителям. Марья Ивановна заплакала. «Прощайте, Петр Андреич! — сказала она тихим голосом. — Придется ли нам увидаться, или нет, бог один это знает; но век не забуду вас; до могилы ты один останешься в моем сердце». Я ничего не мог отвечать. Люди нас окружали. Я не хотел при них предаваться чувствам, которые меня волновали.

As Zourine's detachment was to leave the town that same day, and it was no longer possible to hesitate, I parted with Marya after entrusting her to Savéliitch, and giving him a letter for my parents. Marya Ivanovna began to cry. "Farewell, Pyotr Andreich!" said she in her quiet voice, "God only knows whether we shall see each other again, but I shall never forget you; and you will remain in my heart to the grave." I could answer her nothing, not wishing to give way to the feelings of my heart before the bystanders.

Notice the sudden change of "вы" into "ты" in the last sentence Marya Ivanovna spoke. It means a lot, and I cannot imagine any way how it could be rendered into English.

Zourine's detachment was to leave that day. The was no reason to linger. I parted with Marya, entrusting her to Savéliitch and giving her a letter for my parents. Marya Ivanovna began to cry. "Farewell, Pyotr Andreich!" said she quietly. "Whether we will meet again, God alone knows. But I will never forget you; 'til my dying day, you alone will be in my heart." I couldn't respond as people were surrounding us and I didn't want to give in to the feelings that were rising in me.

Sorry, English only has little old "you"...

Originally Posted by Inego

Отряд Зурина должен был выступить из города в тот же день. Нечего было медлить. Я тут же расстался с Марьей Ивановной, поручив ее Савельичу и дав ей письмо к моим родителям. Марья Ивановна заплакала. «Прощайте, Петр Андреич! — сказала она тихим голосом. — Придется ли нам увидаться, или нет, бог один это знает; но век не забуду вас; до могилы ты один останешься в моем сердце». Я ничего не мог отвечать. Люди нас окружали. Я не хотел при них предаваться чувствам, которые меня волновали.

As Zourine's detachment was to leave the town that same day, and it was no longer possible to hesitate, I parted with Marya after entrusting her to Savéliitch, and giving him a letter for my parents. Marya Ivanovna began to cry. "Farewell, Pyotr Andreich!" said she in her quiet voice, "God only knows whether we shall see each other again, but I shall never forget you; and you will remain in my heart to the grave." I could answer her nothing, not wishing to give way to the feelings of my heart before the bystanders.

Notice the sudden change of "вы" into "ты" in the last sentence Marya Ivanovna spoke. It means a lot, and I cannot imagine any way how it could be rendered into English.

maybe somethng like:
Zourine's detachment was to leave that day. The was no reason to linger. I parted with Marya, entrusting her to Savéliitch and giving her a letter for my parents. Marya Ivanovna began to cry. "Farewell, Pyotr Andreich!" she said quietly. "Whether we will meet again, God alone knows," she added. Then growing more affectionate: "But I will never forget you; 'til my dying day, you alone will be in my heart." I couldn't respond as people were surrounding us and I didn't want to give in to the feelings that were rising in me.

Originally Posted by sperk

maybe somethng like:
Zourine's detachment was to leave that day. The was no reason to linger. I parted with Marya, entrusting her to Savéliitch and giving her a letter for my parents. Marya Ivanovna began to cry. "Farewell, Pyotr Andreich!" she said quietly. "Whether we will meet again, God alone knows," she added. Then growing more affectionate: "But I will never forget you; 'til my dying day, you alone will be in my heart." I couldn't respond as people were surrounding us and I didn't want to give in to the feelings that were rising in me.

This sounds more like a script

EDIT: Wow, you've corrected a mistake made by Milne-Home that I didn't notice! Really: in Russian, Grinyov gave the letter to Masha while in English it suddenly appears he gave it to Savelyich

Наконец она уехала. Я возвратился к Зурину, грустен и молчалив.

Finally, she departed. I returned to Zourine's silent and thoughtful;

Or "Finally, she left."?