Thread: Russian jokes. Issue 3. Part I

Hello, everybody!

English is not my native language, consequently, my translations have some
mistakes. Please, correct me. Thanks.

3.1
A teacher came to the doctor. The teacher says:
- Doctor, nightmares follow me.
- What are your nightmares?
- Well... I'm sleeping and I'm having the dream. I'm giving the lesson and
I can't say anything, because I forget words. It's so depressing...
- That's OK. You just work very hard. Relax, go home. Take easy...
- But Doc, my nightmare is not the same.
- (The doc is wondering).
- When I'm waking up, I'm really giving the lesson!

3.2
Students study programming. The teacher says:
- You're in the airplane. The plane will board half an hour. Suddenly
somebody talk you: "You wrote the program, which drives the plane's
on-board computer". What's your next step?
Almost all students say: I'll try leave the plane as soon as possible. And
only one student say: I'll do absolutely nothing. The teacher asks him:
- Why?
- Because the plane can't go anyway, if my program will drive it.

3.3
It's the Soviet Union. Two georgians passed the exam about history of communism.
- Givi, how was your exam?
- Greate. I didn't pass it!
- Why are you so glad?
- I'm glad, because Gogi had been arrested right there!

3.4
A student wrote the letter to home: "I feel depressed. I have nothing to
eat. Send me something, please". His parents ask:
- We can't send food to you, because it's spoiled in transit.
- Send money! Money are not spoiled in transit!

3.5
It's an exam soon. The student is preparing for it.
- What's you read?
- The "Quantum physics" (or something like that).
- Why are you holding it upside down?
- What's different?

3.6
It's a classroom. The inscription on the desk: Time was killed here.

3.7
It's a prison. Two men are talking. One of them is a student.
- Why are you here?
- I missed a class.
- You're kidding! Nobody moves you in the prison, when you miss a class.
- Well... I stealed the TV in the same time.

Hello Astronomer, here are my suggested corrections and alternative or optional words:

3.1
A teacher went to the doctor. The teacher says:
- Doctor, nightmares follow/haunt me/Doctor, I have nightmares.
- What are your nightmares?
- Well... I'm sleeping and I'm having a dream/and I'm dreaming. I'm giving/teaching a lesson and I can't say anything, because I forget the words. It's so depressing...
- That's OK. You just work very hard. Relax, go home. Take it easy...
- But Doc, my nightmare is not the same.
- (The doc is wondering).
- When I'm waking up/When I wake up, I'm really giving/teaching a lesson!

3.2
Students study programming. The teacher says:
- You're in the airplane. The plane will board in half an hour. Suddenly somebody says to you: "You wrote the program, which drives/runs on the plane's on-board computer". What's your next step?
Almost all students say: I'll try leave the plane as soon as possible. And only one student says: I'll do absolutely nothing. The teacher asks him:
- Why?
- Because the plane can't go/fly anywhere, if my program will drive/control it.

3.3
It's the Soviet Union. Two Georgians took the exam about the history of communism.
- Givi, how was your exam?
- Great. I didn't pass it!
- Why are you so glad?
- I'm glad, because Gogi was arrested right there!

3.4
A student wrote a letter to home: "I feel depressed. I have nothing to eat. Send me something, please".
His parents reply:
- We can't send food to you, because it will spoil in transit.
The student wrote back:
- Send money! Money does not spoil in transit!

3.5
There will be an exam soon. The student is preparing for it.
- What's that you read/you are reading?
- "Quantum Physics" (or something like that).
- Why are you holding it upside down?
- What's different?

3.6
It's a classroom. An inscription on the desk reads: Time was killed here.

3.7
It's a prison. Two men are talking. One of them is a student.
- Why are you here?
- I missed a class.
- You're kidding! Nobody puts you in prison when you miss a class.
- Well... I stole the TV at the same time.

Thanks a lot, Ken. It's very helpful, that you thought out two kinds of corrections: corrections itself and optional words.

Originally Posted by astronomer

3.5
It's an exam soon. The student is preparing for it.
- What's you read?
- The "Quantum physics" (or something like that).
- Why are you holding it upside down?
- What's different?

Shouldn't the last question sound "What's the difference?"

3.6
It's a classroom. The inscription on the desk: Time was killed here.

Maybe 'wasted' is better. The Russian idiom ("убивать время") means 'to waste time' (or can I also say 'to kill time' with the same effect)?

- Well... I stole the TV at the same time.

Shouldn't it be 'I was stealing the TV at that time'?

Originally Posted by Ramil

Originally Posted by astronomer

3.5
It's an exam soon. The student is preparing for it.
- What's you read?
- The "Quantum physics" (or something like that).
- Why are you holding it upside down?
- What's different?

Shouldn't the last question sound "What's the difference?"

You're absolutely right, Ramil. It's my mistake - I make a slip. The last question should be "What's the difference" (Какая разница?).