Russian jokes. Issue 3. Part I

Hello, everybody!

English is not my native language, consequently, my translations have some
mistakes. Please, correct me. Thanks.

3.1
A teacher came to the doctor. The teacher says:
- Doctor, nightmares follow me.
- What are your nightmares?
- Well... I'm sleeping and I'm having the dream. I'm giving the lesson and
I can't say anything, because I forget words. It's so depressing...
- That's OK. You just work very hard. Relax, go home. Take easy...
- But Doc, my nightmare is not the same.
- (The doc is wondering).
- When I'm waking up, I'm really giving the lesson!

3.2
Students study programming. The teacher says:
- You're in the airplane. The plane will board half an hour. Suddenly
somebody talk you: "You wrote the program, which drives the plane's
on-board computer". What's your next step?
Almost all students say: I'll try leave the plane as soon as possible. And
only one student say: I'll do absolutely nothing. The teacher asks him:
- Why?
- Because the plane can't go anyway, if my program will drive it.

3.3
It's the Soviet Union. Two georgians passed the exam about history of communism.
- Givi, how was your exam?
- Greate. I didn't pass it!
- Why are you so glad?
- I'm glad, because Gogi had been arrested right there!

3.4
A student wrote the letter to home: "I feel depressed. I have nothing to
eat. Send me something, please". His parents ask:
- We can't send food to you, because it's spoiled in transit.
- Send money! Money are not spoiled in transit!

3.5
It's an exam soon. The student is preparing for it.
- What's you read?
- The "Quantum physics" (or something like that).
- Why are you holding it upside down?
- What's different?

3.6
It's a classroom. The inscription on the desk: Time was killed here.

3.7
It's a prison. Two men are talking. One of them is a student.
- Why are you here?
- I missed a class.
- You're kidding! Nobody moves you in the prison, when you miss a class.
- Well... I stealed the TV in the same time.

Hello Astronomer, here are my suggested corrections and alternative or optional words:

3.1
A teacher went to the doctor. The teacher says:
- Doctor, nightmares follow/haunt me/Doctor, I have nightmares.
- What are your nightmares?
- Well... I'm sleeping and I'm having a dream/and I'm dreaming. I'm giving/teaching a lesson and I can't say anything, because I forget the words. It's so depressing...
- That's OK. You just work very hard. Relax, go home. Take it easy...
- But Doc, my nightmare is not the same.
- (The doc is wondering).
- When I'm waking up/When I wake up, I'm really giving/teaching a lesson!

3.2
Students study programming. The teacher says:
- You're in the airplane. The plane will board in half an hour. Suddenly somebody says to you: "You wrote the program, which drives/runs on the plane's on-board computer". What's your next step?
Almost all students say: I'll try leave the plane as soon as possible. And only one student says: I'll do absolutely nothing. The teacher asks him:
- Why?
- Because the plane can't go/fly anywhere, if my program will drive/control it.

3.3
It's the Soviet Union. Two Georgians took the exam about the history of communism.
- Givi, how was your exam?
- Great. I didn't pass it!
- Why are you so glad?
- I'm glad, because Gogi was arrested right there!

3.4
A student wrote a letter to home: "I feel depressed. I have nothing to eat. Send me something, please".
His parents reply:
- We can't send food to you, because it will spoil in transit.
The student wrote back:
- Send money! Money does not spoil in transit!

3.5
There will be an exam soon. The student is preparing for it.
- What's that you read/you are reading?
- "Quantum Physics" (or something like that).
- Why are you holding it upside down?
- What's different?

3.6
It's a classroom. An inscription on the desk reads: Time was killed here.

3.7
It's a prison. Two men are talking. One of them is a student.
- Why are you here?
- I missed a class.
- You're kidding! Nobody puts you in prison when you miss a class.
- Well... I stole the TV at the same time.

Thanks a lot, Ken. It's very helpful, that you thought out two kinds of corrections: corrections itself and optional words.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by astronomer

3.5
It's an exam soon. The student is preparing for it.
- What's you read?
- The "Quantum physics" (or something like that).
- Why are you holding it upside down?
- What's different?

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Shouldn't the last question sound "What's the difference?"

Quote:

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3.6
It's a classroom. The inscription on the desk: Time was killed here.

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Maybe 'wasted' is better. The Russian idiom ("убивать время") means 'to waste time' (or can I also say 'to kill time' with the same effect)?

Quote:

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- Well... I stole the TV at the same time.

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Shouldn't it be 'I was stealing the TV at that time'?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ramil

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by astronomer

3.5
It's an exam soon. The student is preparing for it.
- What's you read?
- The "Quantum physics" (or something like that).
- Why are you holding it upside down?
- What's different?

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Shouldn't the last question sound "What's the difference?"

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You're absolutely right, Ramil. It's my mistake - I make a slip. The last question should be "What's the difference" (Какая разница?).