Thread: Please inspect and correct these verses for me.

Из-за своей любви к Венере
Марс спотыкается;
Благодаря многиям любвям
Меркурий скорее двигается.

Because of his love for Venus
Mars stumbles;
Thanks to his many loves
Mercury races along.

The last line is not translated literally.

Originally Posted by Martin Miles

Благодаря многиям любвям
Меркурий скорее двигается.

Is it translating from English into Russian???

If so, try to avoid using "любовь" in plural. любвям sounds very awkward.

There can be many variants, for example:

У Меркурия не одна любовь -
И он движется легко и свободно

(Lit., Mercury has more than one love, so he moves along easily and freely)

The first 2 lines are OK.

Из-за своей любови к Венере
Марс спотыкается
У Меркурия не одна любовь
Так легко он движется.

Originally Posted by Martin Miles

Thanks to his many loves

"Благодаря своей любвеобильности"

may be that better? : )

That word might do to translate the sense, but the composition requires a shorter word. Nevertheless, bol'shoe spassibo!

Очень любит Марс Венеру -
Вот и спотыкается.
А Меркурий любит многих -
и вполне справляется!

(частушка)

Eto - prekrasniy, dondublon. Spassibo! And you taught me something too. I looked up chastushka on Yandex. It said that a chastushka is a humorous composition, usually only four verses long, developed as an independent genre in the last third of the 19th century.

Martin -- you could also add that "chastushki" often have a bawdy element! This, and their short structure, makes them comparable to limericks, even though they have a different poetic meter.

Metrically, chastushki are quite similar to such humorous quatrains as:

Lizzie Borden took an axe
And gave her mother forty whacks.
When she saw what she had done,
She gave her father forty-one.

or

Will fell down the elevator --
Wasn't found till six days later
Neighbors sniffed and said, "Gee whiz!
What a spoiled child Willy is!"

But thematically, chastushki are often closer to such limericks as:

A plumber whose name was McGee
Was plumbing a girl by the sea.
Said she, "Cease your plumbing --
I hear someone coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me."

or

There once was a beautiful lass
Who possessed a remarkable ass
It was not round and pink,
As you probably think,
But was gray, had long ears, and ate grass!

Throbert McGee
you absolutely right.

Sorry, Martin. I didn't especially want to compose chastushka. It turned out itself