Please inspect and correct these verses for me.

Из-за своей любви к Венере
Марс спотыкается;
Благодаря многиям любвям
Меркурий скорее двигается.

Because of his love for Venus
Mars stumbles;
Thanks to his many loves
Mercury races along.

The last line is not translated literally.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Martin Miles

Благодаря многиям любвям
Меркурий скорее двигается.

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Is it translating from English into Russian???

If so, try to avoid using "любовь" in plural. любвям sounds very awkward.

There can be many variants, for example:

У Меркурия не одна любовь -
И он движется легко и свободно

(Lit., Mercury has more than one love, so he moves along easily and freely)

The first 2 lines are OK.

Из-за своей любови к Венере
Марс спотыкается
У Меркурия не одна любовь
Так легко он движется.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Martin Miles

Thanks to his many loves

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"Благодаря своей любвеобильности"

may be that better? : )

That word might do to translate the sense, but the composition requires a shorter word. Nevertheless, bol'shoe spassibo!

Очень любит Марс Венеру -
Вот и спотыкается.
А Меркурий любит многих -
и вполне справляется!

(частушка)

Eto - prekrasniy, dondublon. Spassibo! And you taught me something too. I looked up chastushka on Yandex. It said that a chastushka is a humorous composition, usually only four verses long, developed as an independent genre in the last third of the 19th century.

Martin -- you could also add that "chastushki" often have a bawdy element! This, and their short structure, makes them comparable to limericks, even though they have a different poetic meter.

Metrically, chastushki are quite similar to such humorous quatrains as:

Lizzie Borden took an axe
And gave her mother forty whacks.
When she saw what she had done,
She gave her father forty-one.

or

Will fell down the elevator --
Wasn't found till six days later
Neighbors sniffed and said, "Gee whiz!
What a spoiled child Willy is!"

But thematically, chastushki are often closer to such limericks as:

A plumber whose name was McGee
Was plumbing a girl by the sea.
Said she, "Cease your plumbing --
I hear someone coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me."

or

There once was a beautiful lass
Who possessed a remarkable ass
It was not round and pink,
As you probably think,
But was gray, had long ears, and ate grass!

Throbert McGee
you absolutely right.

Sorry, Martin. I didn't especially want to compose chastushka. It turned out itself :oops: