Thread: Jokes. Issue 5. Rebranding

So, as I realized, it's too hard to correct all my mistakes in posts. It
takes a lot of time, which is expensive etc. Therefore, I'm having another
request for you now. Would you please emphasize only ONE the most important
mistake in this post or only ONE the most frequently mistake. Thank you.

And one more thing. The main goal, why I post jokes, is imroving my
English talking skills. I think, one of the goals of this forum is the same,
more or less. I'll also accept any suggestions, which can help me to talk
in English. Do you have it?

5.1
A student's taking an exam. The teacher's giving an F to him. The student
talks to the teacher:
- I think, I can get the other grade, not an F. It's the wrong grade for
me.
- Unfortunately, I haven't grades, which's below than F.

5.2
A student's taking the Chemistry exam. The teacher's giving an D and says:
- That's OK. You may be a good man, and you may not know the Chemistry
well.
- But it would be vice versa...

5.3
What is the exam? It's the conversation of two smart men. If one of them is
not really smart, then the other will get an F.

5.4
How do you recognize the Soviet engineer if you're looking at your ID? It's
pretty simple. He's in the same suite in all 2 photos.

5.5
The teacher's giving a lesson. He talks to students:
- If you think, that you're a stupid, stand up, please.
Nobody don't standing up during the same time. After a while, the big
tall student is standing up.
- Why did you stand up? Do you think, that you're a stupid?
- No. It was strange that you was standing alone. I decided to help you.

5.6
- The bus broke down on the street.
- Who was inside? Men?
- No, students.

5.7
It's finals in the medicine college. The teacher shows 2 skeletons (male
skeleton and female skeleton) to student and asks him:
- How do you think? Whose are this skeletons?
- I don't know... Blah-blah-blah...
- You have to remeber! What have you been studying for almost six years?
- It's Marx and Engles, isn't it?

So, as I realized, it's too hard to correct all my mistakes in posts. It
takes a lot of time, which is expensive etc. Therefore, I'm having another
request for you now. Would you please emphasize only ONE the most important
mistake in this post or only ONE the most frequently mistake. Thank you.

And one more thing. The main goal, why I post jokes, is imroving my
English talking skills. I think, one of the goals of this forum is the same,
more or less. I'll also accept any suggestions, which can help me to talk
in English. Do you have it?

Do you have ANY?

In English writing we use "quote marks" for what people say and not - dashes, but I won't change all of those. Just remember that if you are writing to English speakers.

I'll just change some things and bold them or put comments (in parentheses).

5.1
A student's taking an exam. The teacher's giving an F to him. The student
talks to the teacher:
- I think I should get some other grade. F is the wrong grade for me.
- Unfortunately, I don't have any grades lower than an F.

5.2
A student's taking the Chemistry exam. The teacher gives him a D and says:
- That's OK. You may be a good man, but you don't know Chemistry
well.
- I wish it was vice versa...

5.3
What is the exam? It's the conversation of two smart men. If one of them is
not really smart (no comma here) then the other will get an F. (Grammar is fine, but it just doesn't sound funny in English.)

5.4
How do you recognize the Soviet engineer if you're looking at your ID? It's
pretty simple. He's in the same suit in both photos. (I don't really understand this one.)

5.5
The teacher's giving a lesson. He talks to students:
- If you think, that you're stupid (or a dummy, stand up, please.
Nobody stands up (you don't need to say anything about time here). After a while, the big
tall student stands up.
- Why did you stand up? Do you think, that you're stupid?
- No. I felt bad that you were standing alone, so I decided to help you.

5.6
- A bus broke down on the street.
- Who was inside? Men?
- No, students.

5.7
It's finals in the med school. The teacher shows 2 skeletons (amale
skeleton and a female skeleton) to a student and asks him:
- What do you think? Whose skeletons are these?
- ummm...I don't know...
- You must remember! ("have to remember" is ok, but "must" is better here) What have you been studying for almost six years?
- It's Marx and Engels, isn't it?

I hope that helps. I think you are getting better at this.

Originally Posted by astronomer

5.6
- The bus broke down on the street.
- Who was inside? Men?
- No, students.

I think "men" should be replaced by "people" here. I am pretty sure the Russian version says "люди".

Originally Posted by paulb

5.4
How do you recognize the Soviet engineer if you're looking at your ID? It's
pretty simple. He's in the same suit in both photos. (I don't really understand this one.)


I hope that helps. I think you are getting better at this.

Thank you for the answer. That's good to hear.

About 5.4.
In the meantime in Russia you can get an ID when you're fourteen (your age is
14 years). As you will 20 and 45, you have to replace your passport (get
the new passport). In the Soviet Union times this bounds was 18, 25 and 45.
Your also give your photo when you're replacing an ID. Usually the Soviet
engineer was gotten a small salary therofore he can't buy new suites
often. In that case (the joke 5.4) he's in the same suit in 2 or 3 photos...
In other words, he has not been buying the new suite for more than 20
years.

Originally Posted by translations.nm.ru

Originally Posted by astronomer

5.6
- The bus broke down on the street.
- Who was inside? Men?
- No, students.

I think "men" should be replaced by "people" here. I am pretty sure the Russian version says "люди".

Yes, you're right. The original joke is the following.
- Вчера на проспекте автобус разбился.
- С людьми?
- Нет, со студентами...

Originally Posted by astronomer

As you will 20 and 45, you have to replace your passport (get the new passport). In the Soviet Union times this bounds was 18, 25 and 45.

Actually you the passport was the same, you just had to paste a new, more up-to-date photo into it.

Originally Posted by translations.nm.ru

Originally Posted by astronomer

5.6
- The bus broke down on the street.
- Who was inside? Men?
- No, students.

I think "men" should be replaced by "people" here. I am pretty sure the Russian version says "люди".

Last night I thought about how to make this better in English:

-A bus broke down on the street yesterday.
-Were any people on it? (or, Any people on it?)
-No, just some students.

Thanks for the explanation of the joke about id pictures.

Astronomer,

1-
When you say:

The student
talks to the teacher
He talks to the students

-it is gramatically correct, but I don't think that it is what you want to say:

"he talks to the teacher/students" means: he moves his mouth, forms words, and has some conversation - but it's not specified what he is saying. If it's followed by a quote of what he is saying, we would usually use "he says to the teacher/students" or "he tells the teacher/students".

2-

автобус разбился / A bus broke down

Is разбиться just "breaking down" (engine stops working, but nothing dramatic)? I always thought it was more "to crash or to have an accident"?

3-

You must remember! ("have to remember" is ok, but "must" is better here)

I agree - because there could also be a slight difference in meaning:
"You have to remember" = "it's an obligation fior you to remember"
"You must remember" = "Surely you remember?! It's not possible that you do not remember!"

Originally Posted by BabaYaga

1-
When you say:

The student
talks to the teacher
He talks to the students

-it is gramatically correct, but I don't think that it is what you want to say:

"he talks to the teacher/students" means: he moves his mouth, forms words, and has some conversation - but it's not specified what he is saying. If it's followed by a quote of what he is saying, we would usually use "he says to the teacher/students" or "he tells the teacher/students".

Yes, I agree with you. It's the my fault.

2-
[quote:16m23jfa]автобус разбился / A bus broke down

Is разбиться just "breaking down" (engine stops working, but nothing dramatic)? I always thought it was more "to crash or to have an accident"?
[/quote:16m23jfa]
You're right again When I've been writing this snippet of text I was having one thing on my mind: "My car broke down"

Конечно, broke down - это о поломке двигателя.

Просто про поломку/внештатную ситуацию на дороге помнил только одну фразу: "My car broke down", поэтому и сфомировались такие ассоциации : "Если автобус разбился - My car broke down - A bus broke down ".

3-
[quote:16m23jfa]You must remember! ("have to remember" is ok, but "must" is better here)

I agree - because there could also be a slight difference in meaning:
"You have to remember" = "it's an obligation for you to remember"
"You must remember" = "Surely you remember?! It's not possible that you do not remember!"
[/quote:16m23jfa]

OK. I realized that. Thank you!

two things struck me
1) problems with the use of a/the/#
2) problems with use of present simple and present continuous.

Jokes are a peculiar genre with their own grammatical characteristics. Writing about your everyday life experiences will be more meaningful and I think more useful for advancing your English.

Originally Posted by chaika

Writing about your everyday life experiences will be more meaningful and I think more useful for advancing your English.

Good idea! I'll try it too.

Originally Posted by chaika

two things struck me
1) problems with the use of a/the/#
2) problems with use of present simple and present continuous.

Jokes are a peculiar genre with their own grammatical characteristics. Writing about your everyday life experiences will be more meaningful and I think more useful for advancing your English.

I just noticed your location, chaika. Is Чапелхилловка "little Chapel Hill", or maybe Carrboro?

I'm just 20 miles to the northwest and go to Chapel Hill pretty often.