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Thread: An awkward-sounding sentence.

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    An awkward-sounding sentence.

    "I would like to specifically mention that we in the Russian exhibition industry view the goals of this book with great sympathy."

    I am not happy with the way it it now, and any help of English speakers will be greatly appreciated. I want to make it sound more or less natural in English.

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    It's not too bad actually, and certainly contains nothing that would raise an eyebrow. Prescriptivists might take exception to your split infinitive and demand that you change the first clause to "I would specifically like to mention..." or "I would like to mention specifically...".

    And maybe "... have great sympathy for the goals of this book" would be marginally more idiomatic.

    Splitting hairs though, like I said it's really not too bad in the first place.

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    Thanks!

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    не согласен. Слово sympathy или даже sympathetic это не то слово. Может быть что-то вроде

    I would like to specifically mention that we in the Russian exhibition industry appreciate the goals of this book very much.
    are very appreciative of ...
    fully agree with ...
    are in full agreement with ....
    fully support
    are fully supportive of ....
    are in full support of...

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    Quote Originally Posted by chaika
    не согласен. Слово sympathy или даже sympathetic это не то слово. Может быть что-то вроде

    I would like to specifically mention that we in the Russian exhibition industry appreciate the goals of this book very much.
    are very appreciative of ...
    fully agree with ...
    are in full agreement with ....
    fully support
    are fully supportive of ....
    are in full support of...
    Thanks for suggestions, Chaika.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chaika
    не согласен. Слово sympathy или даже sympathetic это не то слово. Может быть что-то вроде

    I would like to specifically mention that we in the Russian exhibition industry appreciate the goals of this book very much.
    are very appreciative of ...
    fully agree with ...
    are in full agreement with ....
    fully support
    are fully supportive of ....
    are in full support of...
    I take your point, but I don't think that's necessarily right. Without any wider context some of your suggested corrections are exact synonyms of the original text.

    sym·pa·thy /ˈsɪmpəθi/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[sim-puh-thee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, plural -thies, adjective
    –noun 1. harmony of or agreement in feeling, as between persons or on the part of one person with respect to another.
    2. the harmony of feeling naturally existing between persons of like tastes or opinion or of congenial dispositions.
    3. the fact or power of sharing the feelings of another, esp. in sorrow or trouble; fellow feeling, compassion, or commiseration.
    4. sympathies, a. feelings or impulses of compassion.
    b. feelings of favor, support, or loyalty: It's hard to tell where your sympathies lie.
    5. favorable or approving accord; favor or approval: He viewed the plan with sympathy and publicly backed it.
    6. agreement, consonance, or accord.
    7. Psychology. a relationship between persons in which the condition of one induces a parallel or reciprocal condition in another.
    8. Physiology. the relation between parts or organs whereby a condition or disorder of one part induces some effect in another.
    That was the sense/ nuance of the word "sympathy" that I assumed when I first read the sentence, which is why it didn't stand out. Your sentences are certainly more neutral, but I can think of contexts where the original would be a better choice.

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    Re: An awkward-sounding sentence.

    Quote Originally Posted by translationsnmru
    "I would like to specifically mention that we in the Russian exhibition industry view the goals of this book with great sympathy."

    I am not happy with the way it it now, and any help of English speakers will be greatly appreciated. I want to make it sound more or less natural in English.
    I think it might be improved like this:

    I would like to mention that we in the Russian exhibition industry are quite sympathetic to the aims of this book.

    or

    ...mention that the Russian exhibition industry is quite sympathetic ...

    You can use the latter if you feel you can speak for the whole industry (or if the original author can if this is someone else's text.)

    But I agree with scotcher that the original isn't bad. English speaking business people write worse sentences every day.

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    Re: An awkward-sounding sentence.

    Quote Originally Posted by paulb
    But I agree with scotcher that the original isn't bad. English speaking business people write worse sentences every day.
    Isn't that true about business people anywhere? :P
    And thanks for your input.

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    Yeah, thanks guys. I would agree that "sympathetic to" is good. Just the noun form ("with great sympathy") struck me as weird. I try to avoid words longer than two sylla....

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