I really like it. It creates a certain mood, and that's what poetry should do. Great job!

I tried to make some "poetic"corrections, so I made a few assumptions that might have been wrong. As alexsms said an English version could help.


Я - лодкa без воды, лошадь без поля, [I believe you tried to say "I'm a boat..." as opposed to "I'm in a boat"]
Во сне, я слышу, мои предки, воя [воя requires some action after it, i.e. something that your ancestors did while howling. Otherwise the phrase seems truncated)]
Знакомые вещи здесь видят [so if that's what they do (see familiar things) it should be "видят" - plural. If you want to say that YOU see familiar things it will be "вижу", but it does not rhyme and the problem with "воя" will remain]
Которых здесь не должно быть [=which (things) should not be here]
Я помню дни до моего рождения [or any other noun - всё, события, etc.]
Я знаю аромат, как древние каждения [unknown word "каждения"]
Лошади в снегу, огонь, луна,
Размытые мечты на границе ума [or maybe в закоулках ума - sounds poetic enough]
Я помню дни до моего рождения
Я слышу слова, как святые моления [= like holy prayers]
Невозможные вещи, мои воспоминания [=my recollections]
Слезы, стенания, последние свидания [стенания=cries, moans]