Thread: Why I love (and hate) dating Russian men (article)

It's strange that some members here think Ms. Bruk's account is 'exaggerated' (it's worth noticing that she is Russian only by blood, and American by all the rest). I find it a most sincere and well written essay and it's great that Deb found the link. Here is the author's personal page for those interested Diana Bruk | writer. editor. life enthusiast

What the author says is 100% true as she knows what she is writing about. She might be a tiny bit frustrated (which is small wonder considering she is quite educated), but it's mostly a sober and analytical account. It seems however that she is attracted by men with certain traits (and her description is very sincere, don't you think?); i think she is honest in her analysis of her relationships. She often describes the notorious cultural differences that are always there.

Originally Posted by alexsms

It's strange that some members here think Ms. Bruk's account is 'exaggerated' (it's worth noticing that she is Russian only by blood, and American by all the rest). I find it a most sincere and well written essay and it's great that Deb found the link. Here is the author's personal page for those interested Diana Bruk | writer. editor. life enthusiast

What the author says is 100% true as she knows what she is writing about. She might be a tiny bit frustrated (which is small wonder considering she is quite educated), but it's mostly a sober and analytical account. It seems however that she is attracted by men with certain traits (and her description is very sincere, don't you think?); i think she is honest in her analysis of her relationships. She often describes the notorious cultural differences that are always there.

"***What the author says is 100% true*** as she knows what she is writing about."

How come I don't believe you?

Originally Posted by 14Russian

"***What the author says is 100% true*** as she knows what she is writing about."

How come I don't believe you?

I think all she writes is true cos I live in Russia. No reason to think she might make up something. Very close to real state of affairs.

Originally Posted by alexsms

It's strange that some members here think Ms. Bruk's account is 'exaggerated' (it's worth noticing that she is Russian only by blood, and American by all the rest). I find it a most sincere and well written essay and it's great that Deb found the link. Here is the author's personal page for those interested Diana Bruk | writer. editor. life enthusiast

What the author says is 100% true as she knows what she is writing about. She might be a tiny bit frustrated (which is small wonder considering she is quite educated), but it's mostly a sober and analytical account. It seems however that she is attracted by men with certain traits (and her description is very sincere, don't you think?); i think she is honest in her analysis of her relationships. She often describes the notorious cultural differences that are always there.

Her experience reminded me a lot of my own experience, although we are separated by a generation (or two). Russian guys were not all that much different in Soviet times than they are now, really, if what she is saying is true. I am not sure what motive she would have to lie about her experience or "exaggerate." But then, in life, men have often accused me of lying or exaggerating whenever I called them on their bullshit, too

In my experience, American men were more understanding of women's rights issues and more encouraging of my career goals and dreams than Russian guys were.

But Russian guys, frankly, turned me on more than American guys. They were more romantic, more tender and sensual, more gentlemanly and protective. Russian guys would get so offended (!!!) if I offered to "dutch treat" (share expenses, for those unfamiliar with this expression) on a date. They treated me like a "lady" and that was refreshing after so many American guys were treating me (pretty much) like another guy. The downside of that, is Russian guys usually thought that my sole purpose in life should be having babies.

On the other hand, I have also dated a lot of sexist PIGS in the US. One guy I briefly dated in my 20's, a Navy cadet who worked on submarines, told me the following: "A guy should stick with his buddies. If it comes down to a (life or death) choice, a guy should save his buddy, not his girlfriend."

So I asked him, "What if your girlfriend IS your buddy?"

He could not believe that it was possible to have the same level of affection for a woman, as for a man. I did not date him again. In fact, I threw him out of my apartment one fine day when he thought he would leave his dirty clothing there for me to wash.

Another American guy I dated, this one was a state trooper (cop) screwed me one time and then dumped me. It left me heartbroken for at least a year. He saw me as a "trophy" and he even told me so. He just wanted to screw me once, and frankly he was not any good in bed. But I had feelings for him, which scared him and he ran away like a cowardly little rabbit.

Russian guys broke my heart, but American guys broke my heart just as badly, so I completely understand this writer's frustrations as a woman. She wants someone who will love her like a Russian, but let her achieve her dreams like an American.

Does such a man exist? I don't know.

Originally Posted by Deborski

Another American guy I dated, this one was a state trooper (cop) screwed me one time and then dumped me. It left me heartbroken for at least a year. He saw me as a "trophy" and he even told me so. He just wanted to screw me once, and frankly he was not any good in bed. But I had feelings for him, which scared him and he ran away like a cowardly little rabbit.

You did a similar thing (you wrote about it in your blog), didn't you? I don't accuse you, of course.
It's iteresting that in Soviet Russia nearly all the women worked and had few children.

Originally Posted by Marcus

You did a similar thing (you wrote about it in your blog), didn't you? I don't accuse you, of course.
It's iteresting that in Soviet Russia nearly all the women worked and had few children.

Yeah, but Marcus, I felt terrible about it and I said so in my blog. The cop who screwed me didn't feel bad about what he did at all. He was actually PROUD of himself for using me! And also, I didn't see Sasha as a "trophy"... I even told him up front that it was only a fling. The cop intentionally manipulated my feelings so I would love him and have sex with him, and then he bragged to me that it was all a game and I was just a trophy to him and nothing more. He was deliberately hurtful. I made an unintentional, though stupid, mistake. There is a difference.

Originally Posted by Deborski

So I asked him, "What if your girlfriend IS your buddy?"

A buddy girlfriend is a chimeric dream of most men. Basically you can tell your buddy whatever BS you like and still be h(is) best friend, because ()he accepts you as you are, that is what buddies are for. It is hardly the case with women in my experience.

Originally Posted by it-ogo

A buddy girlfriend is a chimeric dream of most men. Basically you can tell your buddy whatever BS you like and still be h(is) best friend, because ()he accepts you as you are, that is what buddies are for. It is hardly the case with women in my experience.

My husband can tell me anything he wants and vice versa. We are definitely buddies and I've had other male (non sexual) buddies, so yeah, it is very much possible! But I guess a lot of guys think women are not really human, but some sort of "other" creature which can't be trusted. Sad for therm.

Originally Posted by Deborski

My husband can tell me anything he wants and vice versa. We are definitely buddies and I've had other male (non sexual) buddies, so yeah, it is very much possible! But I guess a lot of guys think women are not really human, but some sort of "other" creature which can't be trusted. Sad for therm.

ORLY? Didn't you remember any situation when you felt pain (at least a little) because of his words and actions until he made special efforts to earn your forgiveness? (Just don't ask him - he knows what he have to answer.) Women like such kind of game and play it automatically, while for men it is often frustrating. But then a man is trained by the society to handle such situations. It is his duty. Most women enjoy emotions in a volume that frustrates most men. We are one species of sentinent creatures but we are different in something. And it is good because it is natural. Normally a man can feel happy with a woman and feel free with another men.

Yes, of course there are exceptions. Yes, individual differences can be bigger than gender-based. Yes, a woman can handle her emotions and talkativeness as a favor or being scared by male rage. But then it makes HER feel not free. There are exceptions and there are norms. And opposing natural norms because of ideological/idealistic reasons mostly can only make people unhappy.

That is my view and my experience.

Originally Posted by it-ogo

ORLY? Didn't you remember any situation when you felt pain (at least a little) because of his words and actions until he made special efforts to earn your forgiveness? (Just don't ask him - he knows what he have to answer.) Women like such kind of game and play it automatically, while for men it is often frustrating. But then a man is trained by the society to handle such situations. It is his duty. Most women enjoy emotions in a volume that frustrates most men. We are one species of sentinent creatures but we are different in something. And it is good because it is natural. Normally a man can feel happy with a woman and feel free with another men.

Yes, of course there are exceptions. Yes, individual differences can be bigger than gender-based. Yes, a woman can handle her emotions and talkativeness as a favor or being scared by male rage. But then it makes HER feel not free. There are exceptions and there are norms. And opposing natural norms because of ideological/idealistic reasons mostly can only make people unhappy.

That is my view and my experience.

Of course there is pain. There is pain in every relationship. We argue, we fight, sometimes we scream at each other. But we are still best friends and after the fireworks end we make up again. That's the thing about relationships - too many people expect that it has to be peaceful all the time and that there should never be disagreements or arguments or hurt feelings. But in reality, it's impossible to have a relationship without those things! I do not trust or believe couples who say they never fight. I think they are either lying, or someone is so oppressed (usually the woman, though not always) that they are just going along with the other partner and never disagreeing.

Even best buddies (men) argue and fight sometimes, so why should they expect this not to occur with women? As for emotions, yeah, I realize they are "scary" for some men, but why is that? Is it because men are afraid to face their own feelings or admit they have feelings in the first place? My husband has a very hard time sharing his emotions but he is very accepting of mine, even though he doesn't always understand.

As for game playing... lol... I was never any good at it. I know some women are skilled at this passive/aggressive coy bullshit, but I suck at it. I tend to be direct, honest, even blunt. I don't have the energy to expend on endless manipulating of people. But in my experience, a lot of men prefer dishonest women who play games. These girls will pretend to be one way (sweet, adoring, worshipful of your manliness) but in reality they are using you and manipulating you. Men marry women like this and then all they do is complain and whine about their manipulative wife. LOL Well, it took me a longer time to find someone who loved me, because I was honest and direct and I didn't lie, and men ran away from all that honesty. But the cool thing about being honest, is that you attract honest friends. You may not have as many friends, but the ones you have are the kinds you can trust with your life!