Thread: Please, check my example of letter

My previous thread was disappeared and I've decided to repeat it. I'm practising in 'writing' and below is my example of letter. If you don't mind, check it, please.

The task is:

You have recently started in a new company. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter
- explain why you changed jobs
- describe your new job
- tell him/her your other news.

And now is my letter:

Dear Jim,

I would like to tell you about my new job.

If you remember, recent time I have been working for ‘OldTelecom’ company in a ‘Fitter’ position. There was a hard job, but main reason why I have decided to leave from ‘Oldtelecom’ - it my recent job was so boring! You cannot believe how I was tired after my work.

Meanwhile, Oldtelecom had given me very significant experience in telecommunications technologies and at present time I am working for ‘NewTelecom’ company in ‘Expert’ position. It is a great opportunity for my self-development and it is the most interesting job that I had. Now I am responsible for correct work the most modern telecom equipment.

In addition, I should say that I have bought a new car. It is a sport coupe with a powerful engine. I would like kindly invite you to make a test drive in my new car. I am sure you would be liked it.
Well, at this point I have to end my letter. I hope to hear from you soon.

All the best,
Oleg.

Many thanks for help!

WBR, Oleg.

Privet!

Dear Jim,

I would like to tell you about my new job.

If you remember, in recent time('in recent time' можно, но по-моему как-то формально и не так уж много употребляется в разговорном языке. В большинстве случаев лучше нп. recently, lately, или, если речь идет о немножнко более продолжительном сроке, for some time now ) I have been working for ‘OldTelecom’ company in a ‘Fitter’ position as a fitter. There It was a hard job, but the main reason why I have decided to leave from ‘Oldtelecom’ is that my recent job was so boring! You cannot believe how tired I was after my work.

Meanwhile, Oldtelecom had given me very significant experience in telecommunications technologies and at the present time I am working for ‘NewTelecom’ company in ‘Expert’ position?? It is a great opportunity for my self-development and it is the most interesting job that I ['ve] ever had. Now I am responsible for the correct functioning of the most modern telecom equipment.

In addition, I should say that I have bought a new car. It is a sport coupe with a powerful engine. I would like to kindly invite you to make(BETTER: take, go out for) a test drive in my new car. I am sure you would like it.
Well, at this point I have to end my letter. I hope to hear from you soon.

All the best,
Oleg.