Thread: Please check out my text

I have to prepare a small text about any operating system. Here is what I gave birth to. Could someone read it and correct mistakes?

Introductory.

I want to tell about Linux operating system. It's my current operating system, and I haven't seen anything better, be sure! The plan of my report is:
a) why I choose open source?
b) shortcomings.
c) conclusion

Why I choose open source?

The main thing of open source for me is that I don't have to pay money for software. Moreover, I always can read sources and modify the software I use. It doesn't matter that I maybe won't do it. I can do it, and it's wonderful. For me open source means:

1.Quality. There is a large number of high-qualified developers which do high-quality things. There is no software company which can make such developers community in its offices.

2.Independent. I'm free of marketing strategies of large corporations, no one makes me to buy another version of a “mega-cool program”, no one makes my choice for me.

3.Confidence. I always know what my system do, I am able to tune even very insignificant patterns of my system's behavior. In fact, I am able to make my own system based on the system template which I have.

4.Lack of unfair competition. I have some idea and want to tell you about it. Take, for example, Microsoft. There are various cases when it used unfair competition in order to make users use its products. But what does it mean? If corporation leaders think that unfair competitive struggle is necessary to promote their product, it means that they aren't sure that their product is better than rival's one. But if even the main leaders aren't sure in it, how can an ordinary user be sure? And notice the last fact: open source world doesn't know the term “unfair competition”. These guys just do their work, nothing more. And I like it very much.

Shortcomings.

For me the main shortcoming of free software in general and Linux in particular is that the most part of the world use proprietary software. Open source guys try to make their products compatible with proprietary ones, but corporations try not to tolerate this.

The second and more important (for others, not for me ) shortcoming is that usually open source products demand more qualification of users than proprietary ones. I have tried to install and tune Linux on my PC for six times, and only seven attempt was successful. But now, when I understood the spirit of Linux, tuning of my system became an easy and pleasant deal.

But it's well known fact, that a system can't be secure without qualified users. That means that if the most part of PC users knew more about white boxes they use every day, hackers attacks and viruses epidemics would be far more infrequent. From this point of view demand of qualified users seems not critical shortcoming, but barrier which helps us, Linux users, to protect ourselves from dummies which can destroy our happy world

Conclusion

My own negative experience of word-of-mouth Linux advertising showed me, that each person must come to Linux by himself, without any side advices, and it isn't possible to make people love Linux. But I think everyone must at least try it...

Wow, I started studying Linux just recently so it's topical for me. I'm glad I did.

Мой совет: отложи текст на пару дней и перечитай его свежим взглядом ещё раз . Я уверен, ты сам заметишь многие из своих ошибок.

Их не так уж мало, хотя они не настолько серьёзны, чтобы сделать текст непонятным.

Начнём сначала:

Why I choose open source?

Why do I choose

"The main thing of open source" - в общем, не то чтобы совсем неправильно, просто звучит как-то неестественно. Может быть, "The most important feature of open source software" или как-то в этом роде.

"To pay money" - "масло масляное", по крайней мере, в данном контексте. Напиши просто "to pay for software."

"Quality, independent, confidence." Не ряд. Вопрос на засыпку: какое слово выбивается из ряда? (Тонкий намёк: "жёлтый, синева, зелёный".

" I always know what my system do" - "does" (или, ещё лучше, "is doing").

"very insignificant patterns" - что ты тут имеешь в виду? Слово "patterns" мне тут не совсем нравится.

In fact, I am able to make my own system...

Вместо "make" я бы использовал другое слово, например, "create",
"build" или что-то в этом роде.

...based on the system template which I have. Может быть, "based on an existing system/configuration"?

И т.д... ещё одна ошибка, о которой в этом форуме ещё говорилось: "квалифицированный" (в смысле, умелый, обладающий достаточными навыками для чего-то) - это "skilled", не "qualified."

Мне сейчас некогда весь текст разбирать, но, я надеюсь, найдутся добровольцы из числа native speakers .

Ну да, понятно. За поласа просто слабал, да и спать хочу. Завтра (точнее, уже сегодня) сдавать, так что отложить не могу. Фиг с ним, прорвемся как-нибудь

Originally Posted by pranki

Conclusion

My own negative experience of word-of-mouth Linux advertising showed me, that each person must come to Linux by himself, without any side advices, and it isn't possible to make people love Linux. But I think everyone must at least try it...

I have just picked this at random for corrections.

My own negative experience with Linux's word of mouth advertising has shown me that each person must make the decision to come to Linux by himself and that it isn't possible to make someone love Linux. I think that everyone must at least try it!

I'll make the corrections below that are grammatical errors. I will try to bold any changes that I make.

In addition, some of your setences are not necessarily incorrect but they are akward in that you can tell that English is not your native language. I hope this helps some.


Introduction.

I want to tell you about the Linux operating system. It's my current operating system [no comma necessary] and I haven't seen anything better, to be sure!

The outlineof my report is:
a) why did I choose open source?
b) shortcomings.
c) conclusion

Why did I choose open source?

The main thing of open source for me is that I don't have to pay money for software. Moreover, I always can read sources and modify the software I use. It doesn't matter that I maybe won't do it. I can do it [no comma necessary] and it's wonderful. For me open source means:

1.Quality. There is a large number of highly-qualified developers who can do high-quality things. There is not a software company that can make such developers community in its offices. [I'm not sure what you mean by this sentence the second half of it doesn't make sense.]

2.Independent. I'm free of marketing strategies of large corporations, no one makes me to buy another version of a “mega-cool program”, and no one makes my choice for me. [Note: Mega-Cool is phrase that is used primarily by teenagers and young people. It would not be appropriate in a business or professional setting.]

3.Confidence. I always know what my system does. [You need a period here not a comma.] I am able to tune even very insignificant [minute would be a better would to use than insignificant - insignficant means not important] patterns of my system's behavior. In fact, I am able to make my own system based on the system template which I have ['which I have' can be deleted, it isn't necessary.]

4.Lack of unfair competition. I have some ideas and want to tell you about them. Take [no comma necessary] for example, Microsoft. There are various cases when it used unfair competition in order to make users use [you shouldn't use users followed by use - perhaps say people use] its products. But what does that mean? If corporation leaders [executives is a better word than leaders - we usually call the heads of a company executives] think that unfair competition is necessary to promote their product, then they aren't sure that their product is better than their competition's . Even if the main leaders aren't sure [don't need the words 'in it'], how can an ordinary user be sure? [Don't start a sentence with the world 'and' ] Notice the last fact: the open source world doesn't know the term “unfair competition”. These guys just do their work and nothing more. [Again, don't start a sentence with the word 'and'] I like it very much.

Shortcomings.

For me the main shortcoming of free software in general and Linux in particular is that the most parts of the world use proprietary software. Open source guys try to make their products compatible with proprietary ones, but corporations try not to tolerate this. [This paragraph is really awkward and I'm not really sure what you are trying to say.]

The second and more important (for others, not for me) shortcoming is that usually open source products demand more qualification of users than proprietary ones. I have tried to install and tune Linux on my PC [don't need the word 'for'] six times, and only the seven attempt was successful. But now that I understood the spirit of Linux, tuning my system is an easy and pleasant deal.

But it's a well known fact, that a system can't be secure without qualified users. That means that for the most part if PC users knew more about the white boxes they use every day, hackers, [need a comma] attacks, [need a comma] and virus [not plural] epidemics would be far more infrequent. [By the way many of our computers are no longer white. Computers here come in many colors especially black. Thus white box is not a good analogy.] From this point of view, demand of qualified users seems not critical shortcoming, but barrier which helps us Linux users to protect ourselves from dummies which can destroy our happy world . [I'm not sure what you are trying to say in this last sentence. It is not worded correctly.]

Conclusion

My own negative experience from word-of-mouth Linux advertising showed me [don't need a comma] that each person must come to Linux by himself, without any side advices, and it isn't possible to make people love Linux. But I think everyone should at least try it...
[/b]

I'm adding further corrections to ancestry's corrected version

Introduction.

I want to tell you about the Linux operating system. It's my current operating system and I surely haven't seen anything better!

The outline of my report is:
a) why did I choose open source?
b) shortcomings.
c) conclusion

Why did I choose open source?

The main reason I chose open source is that I don't have to pay [no need to say "money" here] for software. Moreover, I always can read source code and modify the software I use. It doesn't matter that I might not. I can do it and it's wonderful. For me open source means:

1.Quality. There are a large number of highly-qualified developers who can do high-quality work. There is not a software company that can make such developers community in its offices. [I'm not sure what you mean by this sentence the second half of it doesn't make sense.]

2.Independence. I'm free from marketing strategies of large corporations; no one makes me [no 'to' needed] buy another version of a “mega-cool program”, and no one makes my choice for me. [Note: Mega-Cool is phrase that is used primarily by teenagers and young people. It would not be appropriate in a business or professional setting.]
[Note 2: Being a teenager and young person I can honestly say we don't use it.]

3.Confidence. I always know what my system is doing. I am able to tune even very minute patterns of my system's behavior. In fact, I am able to make my own system based on the system template.

4.Lack of unfair competition. I have some ideas and want to tell you about them. Take for example, Microsoft. There are various cases of Microsoft using unfair competition in order to make consumers buy their [I think corporations are referred to in the plural] products. But what does that mean? If corporation executives think that unfair competition is necessary to promote their products, then they aren't sure that their product is better than their competition's. [No even needed] If the main executives aren't sure, how can an ordinary user be sure? Notice the last fact: the open source world doesn't know the term “unfair competition”. These guys just do their work and nothing more. [Again, don't start a sentence with the word 'and'] I like it very much.

Shortcomings.

For me the main shortcoming of free software in general and Linux in particular is that the most parts of the world use proprietary software. Open source developers try to make their products compatible with proprietary ones, but corporations do not tolerate this.

The second and more important (for others, not for me) shortcoming is that usually open source products demand more qualification of users than proprietary ones. I have tried to install and tune Linux on my PC [don't need the word 'for'] six times, and only the seven attempt was successful. But now that I understand the spirit of Linux, tuning my system is an easy and pleasant deal.

But it's a well known fact that a system can't be secure without qualified users. That means that for the most part if PC users knew more about the white boxes they use every day, hackers, attacks, and virus epidemics would be far more infrequent. From this point of view, demand of qualified users is not a critical shortcoming, but a barrier which helps Linux users protect themselves from dummies who can destroy our happy world .

Conclusion

My own negative experience from word-of-mouth Linux advertising showed me that each person must come to Linux by himself, without any outside influences, and it isn't possible to make people love Linux. But I think everyone should at least try it...

Just one more thing that I noticed: your contractions (I'm, haven't, etc.) may not be appropriate. It depends on the formality of your article -- if you are submitting this formally, you are not supposed to use contractions but the full form of the words (I am, I have not, etc.). If it's just a casual article, practice for your writing, etc., then by all means use them.

Originally Posted by BlackMage

I'm adding further corrections to ancestry's corrected version

Introduction.

I want to tell you about the Linux operating system. It's my current operating system and I surely haven't seen anything better!

The outline of my report is:
a) why did I choose open source?
b) shortcomings.
c) conclusion

Why did I choose open source?

The main reason I chose open source is that I don't have to pay [no need to say "money" here] for software. Moreover, I always can read source code and modify the software I use. It doesn't matter that I might not. I can do it and it's wonderful. For me open source means:
...

There are no grammer erros and it sounds ok, but I think stylistically it would be a little bit better to say the following:

Introduction.

I currently use Linux as my operating system and I have to say that I surely have not seen anything better!

The purpose of this report is to explain:
a) why I choose Open Source?
b) its shortcomings
c) my conclusions

Why did I choose Open Source?

The primary reason I chose Open Source is because it is free. Moreover, I always can read and modify the source code. Whether or not I modify the software, I find it wonderful that the capability is available.

For me open source means:
...

I personally do not like saying "is because" but I could not find a better way to phrase the sentence. Any suggestions would be welcome.

Originally Posted by BlackMage

1.Quality. There are a large number of highly-qualified developers who can do high-quality work. There is not a software company that can make such developers community in its offices. [I'm not sure what you mean by this sentence the second half of it doesn't make sense.]

LOL. "highly-qualified developers who can do high-quality work", Duh

1.Quality. Open Source has the best community of highly-qualified software developers that is unmatched by any other software company.

Originally Posted by BlackMage

2.Independence. I'm free from marketing strategies of large corporations; no one makes me [no 'to' needed] buy another version of a “mega-cool program”, and no one makes my choice for me. [Note: Mega-Cool is phrase that is used primarily by teenagers and young people. It would not be appropriate in a business or professional setting.]
[Note 2: Being a teenager and young person I can honestly say we don't use it.]

2.Independence. I'm free from the marketing strategies of large corporations; nobody forces me to buy another version of a “mega-cool program”, and nobody makes my choice for me.

Originally Posted by BlackMage

3.Confidence. I always know what my system is doing. I am able to tune even very minute patterns of my system's behavior. In fact, I am able to make my own system based on the system template.

3.Confidence. I always know what my system is doing. I am able to tune even the most insignificant patterns of the system's behavior. In fact, I am able to create my own system based on the system template.

Originally Posted by BlackMage

4.Lack of unfair competition. I have some ideas and want to tell you about them. Take for example, Microsoft. There are various cases of Microsoft using unfair competition in order to make consumers buy their [I think corporations are referred to in the plural] products. But what does that mean? If corporation executives think that unfair competition is necessary to promote their products, then they aren't sure that their product is better than their competition's. [No even needed] If the main executives aren't sure, how can an ordinary user be sure? Notice the last fact: the open source world doesn't know the term “unfair competition”. These guys just do their work and nothing more. [Again, don't start a sentence with the word 'and'] I like it very much.

The sentence "I have some ideas and want to tell you about them." serves no purpose. It is obvious.

4.Lack of fair competition. Take Microsoft for example. There are various cases where Microsoft used deceptive practices to make consumers believe their products were the best. If corporate executives believe that deceptive practices are necessary to promote their products, then they aren't sure that their product is better than their competitors. If the main executives aren't sure, how can an ordinary user be sure? These guys just do their work and nothing more.

First it should be "Lack of fair competition", secondly, competition cannot be fair/unfair. Maybe you should just say "Lack of competition". The term "unfair competition" does not exist. Maybe "deceptive practices" or "anti-competitive practices" is a better term.
The last sentence "I like it very much." makes no sense here, unless you are being sarcastic. Sarcasm cannot be expressed in written language.

Anyway, feel free to shoot me down. These are only my opinions.

Originally Posted by kwatts59

Originally Posted by BlackMage

I want to tell you about the Linux operating system. It's my current operating system and I surely haven't seen anything better!

There are no grammer erros and it sounds ok, but I think stylistically it would be a little bit better to say the following:

Introduction.

I currently use Linux as my operating system and I have to say that I surely have not seen anything better!

Well, I think this introduction sucks. I mean, you should introduce what you are going to talk about, not make a statement saying it is great!

Something like (and this comes from years of writing memos)

This paper (report) explains the reasons why I chose the Linux operating system, which is my current opertaing system and, in my opinion, the best operating system out there. The paper (report) is divided into three parts:

1. etc.
2. etc.
3. etc.