Quote Originally Posted by chaika
two things struck me
1) problems with the use of a/the/#
2) problems with use of present simple and present continuous.

Jokes are a peculiar genre with their own grammatical characteristics. Writing about your everyday life experiences will be more meaningful and I think more useful for advancing your English.
I just noticed your location, chaika. Is Чапелхилловка "little Chapel Hill", or maybe Carrboro?

I'm just 20 miles to the northwest and go to Chapel Hill pretty often.