Thread: Russian jokes. Issue 2

Please corret me. Thanks.

2.1
It's during an exam. The teacher says:
- Who thinks, that he can get the grade 4?
A couple of students is rasing his hands. They get the grade 4 and (they)
go out of the classroom.

- Who thinks, that he can get the grade 3?
About fifteen students are rasing their hands. They get the grade 3 and go
out of the classroom.

There's same story for the grade 2.

- Other students must resit an exam.

Voice from the audience: When we must resit an exam?

The teacher: Hmmm... Well... Right now (Let's do it right now(?)). Who thinks
that he can get the grade 4?

2.2
The note for a theacher during an exam. If the student is talking you: "I
missed the question", don't repeat it. You should ask him something else
or you should change the theme of talking at all.

2.3
- Jack's lucky. He graduated yesterday and he works at the university
today.
- Wow! Is he a teacher?
- No, he is a cleaner.

2.4
It's Saint Petersbourgh.
It's a deep fall. A student's expecting your bus to the university. It's
cold, windy morning. It's rain. A student wears a summer t-shirt. He's late
for a lesson. He feels very sad himself. Suddenly luxurious car stops near
him. The car's door opens. There's pretty woman in the car. She wears a
winter coat. She smokes a cigarette. The woman is talking a student nice
voice:
- Please, tell me. Where can I find the nearest pub?
- In Stockholm! Bitch!

2.5
There's a woman campus. A male student is coming in. He see a security. The
security asks him:
- Who you like to see?
- Well... And which chick would you recommend?

2.6
There's a woman campus. Mary brought a child. All people in campus thought
about child's first name yesterday. Tomorrow they will thinking about
cild's second name.

The explanation: Child's second name is father's first name in Russia.

2.7
A student wrote the program which helps people to find you best
profession. The program asks a few questions and it show the result in the
end of interview. The theacher's trying it. The program asks:
- Can you cook?
- No.
- Can you drive?
- No
...
There's last question finally and the teacher says "No" again. The program
is thinking a little bit and it show the result:
"YOU ARE A BOLT" (You are stupid(?))

2.8
The teaches says:
- I can't believe in something, if I coudn't see it myself!
A student:
- Professor, have you ever seen your mind?

2.9
The theacher says: You should forget about your private life during the
period of exams. A voice from the audience:
- I saw you in the restauraunt yesterday. What you say?
A voice-over:
- It's the student John Doe. He's a soldier in the future.

(remember "teacher" NOT "theacher"
2.1
It's test time. The teacher says:
- Who thinks they can get an A?
A couple of students raise their hands. They get an A and
go out of the classroom.

- Who thinks they can get a B?
About fifteen students raise their hands. They get a B and go
out of the classroom.

Same story for C's.

- Other students missed class and have to retake the exam.

Voice from the audience: When do we retake the exam?

The teacher: Hmmm... Well... Right now (Let's do it right now(?)). Who thinks
that he can get an A?

2.2
Note for a teacher during an exam: If the student is telling you: "I
missed the question", don't repeat it. You should ask him something else
or you should change the theme of talking at all. (doesn't translate well, but now the grammar is better )

2.3
- Jack's lucky. He graduated yesterday and he works at the university
today.
- Wow! Is he a teacher?
- No, he is a janitor.

2.4
It's Saint Petersburg.
It's late fall. A student's expecting the bus to the university. It's a
cold, windy morning. It's raining. One student is wearing a summer t-shirt. He's late
for a lesson. He feels very depressed. Suddenly a luxurious car stops near
him. The car door opens. There's pretty woman in the car. She wears a
winter coat. She smokes a cigarette. The woman asks the student in a pleasant
voice:
- Please, tell me. Where can I find the nearest pub?
- In Stockholm! Bitch!

2.5
A male student walks in to a women's dorm. He see a security guard. The
security guard asks him:
- Who would you like to see?
- Well... which chick would you recommend? (that's pretty funny)

2.6
At the women's dorm (or women's college) Mary just had a baby. Everyone on campus thought
about child's first name yesterday. Tomorrow they will thinking about
child's second name.

The explanation: Child's second name is father's first name in Russia.

2.7
A student wrote the program which helps people to find the best
profession for them. The program asks a few questions and then it shows the results at the
end of interview. The teacher's trying it. The program asks:
- Can you cook?
- No.
- Can you drive?
- No
...
It gets to the last question finally and the teacher says "No" again. The program
is thinking a little bit and it shows the result:
"YOU ARE A DOLT"

2.8
The teacher says:
- I can't believe in something if I can's see it myself!
Student:
- Professor, have you ever seen your mind? (very funny)

2.9
The teacher says: You should forget about your private life during exams. A voice from the audience:
- I saw you in the restauraunt yesterday. What do you have to say about that?
A voice-over:
- It's John Doe, future soldier.

Paulb, thanks a lot. I didn't know about A,B,C grades, women's dorm / college and a few other things.

Women's dorm=building where female university students live
women's college=university only for women

In american schools A is the best grade, then B, etc.
A grade of F means you must take the class again.
Grades are different in Britain.