Thread: APllication, please check for mistakes

Please check for mistakes, any stylistic mistakes or anything that doesn't sound right. I'm really eager to get accpeted for the course, and would be really greatful for any suggestion and correction.

The reason why I have decided to apply for admission to the English language course offered by the Perth College is because it is an incredible chance to master my English. Apart from that, it would be a great opportunity to become more familiar with the Celtic culture and customs that I happen to find enormously interesting. I am a second year student of apllied linguistics in B., Poland. I have proved to be a very hardworking and dedicated person, I am most interested in movies and politics. As far as my work experience is concerned, I held the job of a translator during the annual music festival in B. in 2006, prior to this, I used to work as a volounteer with mentally challenged children.


Thank you in advance.

"I have decided to apply for admission to the English language course offered by Perth College because it is an incredible chance to master my English. Apart from that, it would be a great opportunity to become more familiar with the Celtic culture and customs, which I happen to find enormously interesting. I am a second year student of applied linguistics in B., Poland, and am a very hardworking and dedicated person. I am most interested in movies and politics. As far as my work experience is concerned, I worked as a translator during the annual music festival in B. in 2006. Prior to this, I used to work as a volunteer with mentally challenged children."

NEVER use the reason why .. is because. NEVER use the reason why, either. You might use The reason I decided to.... is that ..... But the words are more or less superfluous, I would say.

Caught a couple spelling errors.

Originally Posted by chaika

I have decided to apply for admission to the English language course offered by Perth College because it is an incredible chance to master my English. Apart from that, it would be a great opportunity to become more familiar with the Celtic culture and customs, which I happen to find enormously interesting. I am a second year student of applied linguistics in B., Poland, and am a very hardworking and dedicated person. I am most interested in movies and politics. As far as my work experience is concerned, I worked as a translator during the annual music festival in B. in 2006. Prior to this, I used to work as a volunteer with mentally challenged children.

NEVER use the reason why .. is because. NEVER use the reason why, either. You might use The reason I decided to.... is that ..... But the words are more or less superfluous, I would say.

Caught a couple spelling errors.

Thank you SO much I"ll make sure not to ever use the "reason why" phrase again

One more question, would it be ok to say "I am most interested in politics and movies, especially the independant productions. Furthermore, I also take a particular delight in studying foreign languages." ?

Those sentence are ok, if a bit pretentious-sounding, at least to me.

Here's how I would put it:
"I am very interested in politics and movies, especially independent productions. I also enjoy studying foreign languages."

Corrected spelling. I read it over a couple times before removing "the".

Originally Posted by chaika

Those sentence are ok, if a bit pretentious-sounding, at least to me.

Here's how I would put it:
"I am very interested in politics and movies, especially independent productions. I also enjoy studying foreign languages."

Corrected spelling. I read it over a couple times before removing "the".

yeah, I'm just trying to sound smart, so that they accept my application
But I guess I'll go with your version, since 'pretentious' is not exactly the impression I was trying to make :P
thanks again

Replace "Apart from that" with "In addition": it will include the Celtic bit instead of making it a separate function.

Applications always sound a bit pretentious and self centered, but you ARE talking about yourself. Enthusiasm goes a long way. Best of luck!

Originally Posted by capecoddah

Replace "Apart from that" with "In addition": it will include the Celtic bit instead of making it a separate function.

Applications always sound a bit pretentious and self centered, but you ARE talking about yourself. Enthusiasm goes a long way. Best of luck!

thanks a bunch

I posted this two days ago, but somehow it didn't go through. These are mostly changes for better style and clarity:

The reason I have decided to apply for admission to the English language course offered by the Perth College is because it is a good opportunity for me to master my English and to become more familiar with the Celtic culture and customs that I happen to find enormously interesting. I am a second year student of apllied linguistics in B., Poland. I have been a very hardworking and dedicated person, and I am also quite interested in movies and politics. As far as my work experience is concerned, I worked a translator during the annual music festival in B. in 2006, and, prior to this, I worked as a volounteer with mentally challenged children.

A few comments on changes I made:

"incredible chance" is a bit too strong. Sounds like you are jumping up and down "good opportunity" is the right expression, so I just used it for both clauses.

"have proven" is not good to use when talking about yourself. It's ok when speaking about someone else or about a situation.

"held the job of" sounds like you were a temporary substitute worker for someone else, like you were holding someone's job while they were on vacation. "worked" is the best simple wording for jobs.

Best of luck to you. I've read a lot of good ESL articles from people in Australia, so I think it will probably be a good place for you.

BTW, I just finished my ESL certificate two days ago. I may end up teaching English in Ukraine if everything goes well.

Originally Posted by paulb

BTW, I just finished my ESL certificate two days ago. I may end up teaching English in Ukraine if everything goes well.

In Ukraine? How much are they paying there?

Originally Posted by DDT

Originally Posted by paulb

BTW, I just finished my ESL certificate two days ago. I may end up teaching English in Ukraine if everything goes well.

In Ukraine? How much are they paying there?

The work I want is with a non-profit organization, so they won't pay me anything at all. I'll have to raise funds in the US before I go.

"Perth College" does not take an article.

It should be

"... course offered by Perth College... "

(and given the reference to Celtic culture, I assume he's talking about the Perth in Scotland, not the one in Australia named after the one in Scotland)

Originally Posted by paulb

I posted this two days ago, but somehow it didn't go through. These are mostly changes for better style and clarity:

The reason I have decided to apply for admission to the English language course offered by the Perth College is because it is a good opportunity for me to master my English and to become more familiar with the Celtic culture and customs that I happen to find enormously interesting. I am a second year student of apllied linguistics in B., Poland. I have been a very hardworking and dedicated person, and I am also quite interested in movies and politics. As far as my work experience is concerned, I worked a translator during the annual music festival in B. in 2006, and, prior to this, I worked as a volounteer with mentally challenged children.

A few comments on changes I made:

"incredible chance" is a bit too strong. Sounds like you are jumping up and down "good opportunity" is the right expression, so I just used it for both clauses.

"have proven" is not good to use when talking about yourself. It's ok when speaking about someone else or about a situation.

"held the job of" sounds like you were a temporary substitute worker for someone else, like you were holding someone's job while they were on vacation. "worked" is the best simple wording for jobs.

Best of luck to you. I've read a lot of good ESL articles from people in Australia, so I think it will probably be a good place for you.

BTW, I just finished my ESL certificate two days ago. I may end up teaching English in Ukraine if everything goes well.

thanks SO much!

and yes, I meant Perth in Scotland
btw, I'm a she, Scotcher

I always get confused about the names which take articles, and which don't :s

Ah,

Scotland makes more sense with the Celtic culture

Good luck to you in either place

Originally Posted by kamka

btw, I'm a she, Scotcher

Sorry!

Thank you SO much :D I"ll make sure not to ever use the "reason why" phrase again

One more question, would it be ok to say "I am most interested in politics and movies, especially the independant productions. Furthermore, I also take a particular delight in studying foreign languages." ?

In english you can use the "why" prase all you want ....but if you over use it people will think your annoying.And what I mean by that is don`t ask a person "why" over an over again~You can ask "why" over and over again to one of your friends and are very young or are talking to a parent or well known family member if your very young~But if your a teen or up I really suggest you NOT to ask "why" constantly or people will think your immature.But its ok to ask it if you dont understand something~And yes its ok to say that sentence you asked if you could say~ Though it would be probaly better if you made the sentence a little more informal~I'm telling you this because if you say formal sentences too often people will think your weird.Just giving some advice :D

Originally Posted by <~A~>

In English you can use the "why" prase all you want ....but if you over use it people will think your annoying.And what I mean by that is don`t ask a person "why" over an over again~You can ask "why" over and over again to one of your friends and are very young or are talking to a parent or well known family member if your very young~But if your a teen or up I really suggest you NOT to ask "why" constantly or people will think your immature.But its ok to ask it if you dont understand something~And yes its ok to say that sentence you asked if you could say~ Though it would be probably better if you made the sentence a little more informal~I'm telling you this because if you say formal sentences too often people will think your weird.Just giving some advice

I am sorry for being a nag but why you are you using "~" instead of a period and do not leave spaces between sentences?