Thread: Анекдоты

Speaking of Shtirlitz jokes with sexual context... These have been my favorite ones.


Штирлиц стоял на своем... Это была любимая пытка Мюллера

Радистка Кэт села в машину и дала газу... Она тогда еще не знала что Газ работает на гестапо

(this one's slightly politically incorrect)
Штирлиц шел по лесу и увидел голубые ели... Подойдя поближе, он увидел что голубые не только ели, но и пили

Originally Posted by Eric C.

Speaking of Shtirlitz jokes with sexual context... These have been my favorite ones.
Штирлиц стоял на своем... Это была любимая пытка Мюллера

Aha, that's a good reminder of the difference between пытка and попытка!

Originally Posted by Throbert McGee

Aha, that's a good reminder of the difference between пытка and попытка!

Попытка - не пытка. (Старая поговорка)

Originally Posted by Eric C.

Штирлиц шел по лесу и увидел голубые ели... Подойдя поближе, он увидел что голубые не только ели, но и пили

Hmmm, in "standard" Russian, if I'm not mistaken, it would be more correct to say Штирлиц увидел как голубые ели if the meaning is "Shtirlitz saw the gays eating", right? So dropping the как makes the meaning ambiguous (and is an example of "grammatical ellipsis").

Anyway, the joke isn't directly translatable, but I thought of more or less analogous word-play in English:

James Bond once again noticed the woman with the arrogant gaze. "She's so beautiful -- it's too bad that her friends are snobbish homosexuals," he thought.

Originally Posted by Throbert McGee

Hmmm, in "standard" Russian, if I'm not mistaken, it would be more correct to say Штирлиц увидел как голубые ели if the meaning is "Shtirlitz saw the gays eating", right? So dropping the как makes the meaning ambiguous (and is an example of "grammatical ellipsis").

Anyway, the joke isn't directly translatable, but I thought of more or less analogous word-play in English:

голубые ели = blue spruces - Picea pungens - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Originally Posted by Throbert McGee

Hmmm, in "standard" Russian, if I'm not mistaken, it would be more correct to say Штирлиц увидел как голубые ели if the meaning is "Shtirlitz saw the gays eating", right? So dropping the как makes the meaning ambiguous (and is an example of "grammatical ellipsis").

absolutely right, It must be either Он увидел, как голубые ели.... or Он увидел, что голубые ели.... - and in this case it will have nothing to do with trees.. so this joke technically is not a joke because the basic grammar rule is broken here...

but another one i like: Штирлиц шёл вдоль берега, поскользнулся и упал на гальку. Галька тихо взвизгнула и убежала.

Originally Posted by Throbert McGee

Hmmm, in "standard" Russian, if I'm not mistaken, it would be more correct to say Штирлиц увидел как голубые ели if the meaning is "Shtirlitz saw the gays eating", right? So dropping the как makes the meaning ambiguous (and is an example of "grammatical ellipsis").

Anyway, the joke isn't directly translatable, but I thought of more or less analogous word-play in English:

James Bond once again noticed the woman with the arrogant gaze. "She's so beautiful -- it's too bad that her friends are snobbish homosexuals," he thought.

As far as I know, in "standard" Russian punctuation plays a more crucial role in affecting the meaning than it does in English, and that phrase could easily be turned into a grammatically flawless sentence by putting just one mark in there so it will be like, "Штирлиц шел по лесу и увидел: голубые ели... Подойдя поближе, он увидел что голубые не только ели, но и пили"

Also, these ones really made me laugh, even though they're a bit terrifying


Штирлиц облил кошку бензином и поджег; кошка пробежала 10 метров и упала; "Бензин кончился", подумал Штирлиц

Штирлиц шел по улице и поднял глаза... Это были голубые глаза пастора Шлага

Гестаповцы ставили машину на попа... "Бедный пастор", подумал Штирлиц

Originally Posted by Eric C.

How so? Sounds perfect to me; I've also heard this version of it: Штирлиц дал Мюллеру подписку; Мюллер взвыл от боли

In my ideolect, the words ‘записка’ and ‘подписка’ are pronounced with a hard [s], while the word ‘писька’ is pronounced with a soft [sʲ] (the spelling also reflects such pronunciation). So this pun is not a pun for me.
How do you pronounse these words? Do you use a hard [s] in ‘писька’ or a soft [sʲ] in ‘записка’?

Originally Posted by Soft sign

In my ideolect, the words ‘записка’ and ‘подписка’ are pronounced with a hard [s], while the word ‘писька’ is pronounced with a soft [sʲ] (the spelling also reflects such pronunciation). So this pun is not a pun for me.
How do you pronounse these words? Do you use a hard [s] in ‘писька’ or a soft [sʲ] in ‘записка’?

That's right, they are pronounced and spelled differently, that's why it's not a perfect pun. Still, the words are so close that someone could not help but create a few jokes based on it.

Originally Posted by Soft sign

In my ideolect, the words ‘записка’ and ‘подписка’ are pronounced with a hard [s], while the word ‘писька’ is pronounced with a soft [sʲ]

Ahhhaaaaa... (now I understand the joke!).

Гадить, в общем, вполне нормальное слово. Иногда применяется в переносном смысле ("Как бы ему нагадить?..").

Штирлиц кормил детей украдкой. - Shtirlitz feed children steathily. The Stealthily makes children die. - like this

>>Ummm... is this one a reference to дрочка? (If not, then I misunderstood the joke.)
I suggest you to avoid this word ^^^, it sounds silly. Though yes, it is about "feel myself" in english. Though "овладеть собой" ususally doesn't make such sense in right context.

Originally Posted by pushvv

"Как бы ему нагадить?.."

Как вы бы перевести это?

Maybe,
«Как бы ему нагадить?..» — “What mischief can I make for him?..”

Штирлиц облил кошку бензином и поджег; кошка пробежала 10 метров и упала; "Бензин кончился", подумал Штирлиц

Я слышал это в такой интерпретации.

Штирлиц вкатил кошке 10 кубиков бензина; кошка пробежала 10 метров и упала; "Бензин кончился", подумал Штирлиц

Как бы вы это перевели?
или
Как бы это перевести?

«Как бы ему нагадить?..» — “What mischief can I make for him?..”

Yes, like this. I want to do something bad for him, i will do it, but right now i don't know how to do it exactly, and i want to decide(i can ominously rub my hands thinking about it).

In my ideolect, the words ‘записка’ and ‘подписка’ are pronounced with a hard [s], while the word ‘писька’ is pronounced with a soft [sʲ]

Ничто не мешает сказать "писка", поймет кто угодно (возможно, так правильнее, btw)

Originally Posted by pushvv

Ничто не мешает сказать "писка", поймет кто угодно (возможно, так правильнее, btw)

Сказать-то можно, но такого слова нет (нужен мягкий знак), поэтому это будет не только неправильно, но и зачастую непонятно. "Что это было? Я не расслышал.. Описка? Приписка? Записка? ... Песка"?" )

«Попытка — не пытка» means something like “Trying to do something never hurts you”; “It's always better to try than to do nothing”.