Thread: Very short short story; please check grammar etc.

Originally Posted by iCake

Ну да. Я собственно на это и намекал

See PM.

Don't worry about your text or about making it easier for me. It's not on your end. All's good

Originally Posted by grafrich

Or can it just be '- Нет, подождём пока он сам его скажет.' because we know she's talking about his name?

Yes, this. Его just refers back to "name".

Originally Posted by grafrich

Почему он такой тихий? Думаешь ему грустно из-за шока?
There are 2 related concepts covered by the word 'shock'; the first is a sudden intense surprise, the second is a medical term for the physiological after effects of trauma. I think I just assumed that 'шок' would mean both in Russian too.

It does mean these two things in Russian as well. The thing is грустно means sadly. Do you feel sad from shock? I mean it doesn't make sense. Fear, surprise, pain... yes, but sadness? Not as a direct result of shock at the very least.

Originally Posted by grafrich

зайчик как раз бросился наземь
When I first got a 'house rabbit', we brought him home in a box, and after a long while, he jumped out of the box, sat still for a moment, and then threw himself violently onto his side, as if he'd just died of a massive heart attack! Very alarming, but it seems to be what rabbits do.

Point taken I'm just not very familiar with rabbits. From what you said there it seems like you chose a perfect word in your Russian sentence, so great job!

Originally Posted by grafrich

зайчик как раз бросился наземь/ как раз когда пришли вошли в комнату другие
I had intended 'как раз' to mean 'just then' or 'just at that time'. Would it need to be 'как раз когда' in both these sentences?

This is very hard to explain... Let's look at the whole sentences.

Они улыбнулись друг другу на такое чудо, а зайчик как раз бросился наземь.
Он вскрикнул, как раз когда вошли в комнату другие...

They're both fine now. You see both sentences are compound. The first sentence looks like it consists of two fully independent clauses, so no need to put in some extra "stitching" words. The second sentence seems like the first clause is independent, but the second is not. So you need a connecting word like "когда". But it's sketchy and I'm not entirely sure I'm not talking nonsense now

Они улыбнулись друг другу на такое чудо, а зайчик как раз бросился наземь.
Он вскрикнул, как раз когда вошли в комнату другие...

...So you need a connecting word like "когда". But it's sketchy and I'm not entirely sure I'm not talking nonsense now

So, because word order is fluid, the connecting word 'когда' isn't necessarily the first word in the clause, is that correct?
It could then also read 'когда как раз вошли в комнату другие...'
Although something about that sounds clumsy when I say it out loud to myself.

Originally Posted by grafrich

So, because word order is fluid, the connecting word 'когда' isn't necessarily the first word in the clause, is that correct?
It could then also read 'когда как раз вошли в комнату другие...'
Although something about that sounds clumsy when I say it out loud to myself.

It's good that it sounds clumsy to you, that means you're developing an intuitive understanding of the language. Как раз когда - just when..., как раз - just then. In Russian "when" is a sign of a subordinate clause. I don't know if it helps clear things up for you. I don't like my original explanation and have been trying to think up a better one.

Originally Posted by iCake

It's good that it sounds clumsy to you, that means you're developing an intuitive understanding of the language. Как раз когда - just when..., как раз - just then. In Russian "when" is a sign of a subordinate clause. I don't know if it helps clear things up for you. I don't like my original explanation and have been trying to think up a better one.

Как раз когда - just when..., как раз - just then
That puts it into perspective. The uses of 'when' to introduce subordinate clauses and 'then' to introduce independant clauses are basically the same in English, as far as I can tell.

I could translate 'Как раз когда...' as 'and it was at that moment that...' which I think serves the same purpose as 'just as':-

'... - He cried, just as others arrived'
'... - He cried, and it was at that moment that others arrived'

I think I'm right about that. I'll look at it again tomorrow when I'm less tired.