Thread: Another lyrical translation attempt!

My victim lyric is Прекрасное далеко from the film Гостья из будущего

I translated the noun далеко as "the distance", there is no english noun for "far away"...

Слышу голос из прекрасного далека,
I hear the voice of the beautiful distance
alternatively: I hear a voice from the beautiful distance...
Голос утренний в серебряной росе.
A morning voice in a silver rose
Слышу голос, и манящая дорога
I hear a voice, and the luring road
Кружит голову, как в детстве карусель.
spins the head, like a childhood carousel

Прекрасное далеко
beautiful distance
Не будь ко мне жестоко,
don't be brutal to me
Не будь ко мне жестоко,
don't be brutal to me
Жестоко не будь.
don't be brutal
От чистого истока,
From a clean source
В прекрасное далеко,
to the beautiful distance
В прекрасное далеко,
to the beautiful distance
Я начинаю путь.
I start my journey

Слышу голос из прекрасного далека,
I hear the voice of the beautiful distance
Он зовет меня в чудесные края.
He calls me to the wonderful borders
Слышу голос, голос спрашивает строго:
I hear the voice, the voice strictly asks:
А сегодня что для завтра сделал я?
And what did you do today for tomorrow?

So here is my guess: the distance is life itself (maybe actually seing the film would of helped me )

What is the verdict, respected forum readers? / /

Not bad

Originally Posted by kalinka_vinnie

Слышу голос из прекрасного далека,
I hear the voice of the beautiful distance
alternatively: I hear a voice from the beautiful distance...

I think this means
I hear a voice from the beautiful distance
"из" = "from"

Originally Posted by kalinka_vinnie

Голос утренний в серебряной росе.
A morning voice in a silver rose

"росе" = "dew" NOT "розе".

Originally Posted by kalinka_vinnie

Не будь ко мне жестоко,
don't be brutal to me

I would say
"Don't be cruel to me"

Originally Posted by kalinka_vinnie

Я начинаю путь.
I start my journey

I do not know if "journey" is the right word here.
I am thinking this should be "I begin the way" but that sounds strange in English.

Originally Posted by kalinka_vinnie

Он зовет меня в чудесные края.
He calls me to the wonderful borders

I think that "края" here means "lands" or "territories" or "areas".
It calls me to the wonderful lands

KV, I would say your level or Russian is very close to mine.
We can correct each other's mistake.

Голос утренний в серебряной росе.
A morning voice in silver dew
.....
От чистого истока,
From clean beginnings

Он зовет меня в чудесные края.
It(voice) calls me to the wonderful lands

It's a pretty nice song. Did you see the movie?

Oh, one more minor thing

Originally Posted by kalinka_vinnie

А сегодня что для завтра сделал я?
And what did you do today for tomorrow?

And what did I do today for tomorrow?

Man, so many elementary mistakes!!! Thanks for the corrections! I really like the song, but haven't seen the movie yet...

Yeah, sometimes literal translations don't work. When translating (esp songs), it is important to try to translate the idea, not the literal words. That is why I think that "I start my journey" is closer to the idea than "I begin the way". Otherwise I agree with all your corrections, Kwatts and JJ!

One more correction:
Кружит голову, как в детстве карусель.
spins the head, like a carousel in childhood

That was my original translation, but in english that is kind of ambigious.

как в детстве карусель

Like a carousel in childhood - a very young carousel...

think my way sounds better... Like a childhood carousel

Yeah, really you are right... But maybe something like Like a carousel in my/our childhood is better?