Thread: writing a book, and need some help with translations

Originally Posted by kahless

Ok, last question on this. Keep in mind this is July 16, 1970.
What would be a good song to open up Radio free Luna's first program. Keep in mind this is the classical and Russian folk Music segment of the show, the morning show. What I want to know is, what would a Russian solider in the Soviet Army in 1970 want to listen to?

The part should say something like this...

Now we will play music as we promised. (Introduce the song and who plays or sings it, and let me know what you are saying in English)

Thanx

I don't think that folk music would be a nice choice in that matter.
I'f it's intended for Russian soldiers the best way to greet them in the morning was playing the anthem of USSR (it was played at 6. a.m. every morning on nearly all existing radio channels). Soviet patriotic songs should follow. There are many of them and you can pick any of them.

Here's the nice source
http://www.sovmusic.ru/english/index.php

In fact, any of these songs could open the day on the radio, but I doubt about the folk music.

P.S. Another thing: you should try to avoid anachronisms. It may be possible that some of these songs were written after 1970.

Originally Posted by kahless

Ok, last question on this. Keep in mind this is July 16, 1970.
What would be a good song to open up Radio free Luna's first program. Keep in mind this is the classical and Russian folk Music segment of the show, the morning show. What I want to know is, what would a Russian solider in the Soviet Army in 1970 want to listen to?

The part should say something like this...

Now we will play music as we promised. (Introduce the song and who plays or sings it, and let me know what you are saying in English)

First I think that Soviet soldiers never had an ability to listen Radio Freedom or any other "enemy voices". In army very few militarymen had access to any kind of radio set and all of them were under the severe control. Radio Freedom was for civilians (for not so many civilians).

(
BTW, I am not so good in radiotechnics and can not translate your "90.1 FM" UHF into Soviet standards (УКВ) of that time. Sorry. Now western standards are mainly accepted and I used in translation your "90.1 FM" as it is.

Again I am not radioengineer but as I know UHF FM needs a retranslator in each town and therefore i doubt it is good for broadcastig on the unfriendly territory. Well, OK, maybe I am wrong and it's not my problem really...
)

Second, AFAIK Radio Freedom (and all of Radio Free Something) tried to provide Soviet citizens with a kind of music they were unable to listen in USSR (or strongly limited). Namely and mainly it was western pop-music (not cowboy music, but pop-music from the West), rock, rock-n-roll etc. Soviet citizens had no problem with classic and Russian folk music from the legal sources. And I don't remember that country genre was notably popular in USSR.

Ok, apparently I asked the wrong question. The purpose of the radio station was propaganda. Encouraging Soviet patriotism would not be part of the goal of the station. The right question should probably be, what would a Russian soldier want to listen to that would start to warm them towards the American people, without overtly appearing to be a simple propaganda trick.

In the light of this, perhaps the type of musics being offered should be different, maybe?

(I hope this doesn't offend anyone. Keep in mind I explained in the beginning that this was a science fiction book of a war between the Soviet and Americans)

When I am completely done with the book, i will offer any of you that helped me a free e-copy of the whole book. I would be interested to know what a native Russian thought.

BTW, has anyone seen the movie Hunt for Red October? If so, what did you think about the way the Russians were portrayed?

Thanx

It's a good movie, really. One of the few where the Russians were portrayed rather realistic. Of course, the only Russians that were in the film were naval officers and diplomats, so their behaviour in the given circumstances was predictable. The only thing I have always been wondering about is who invents such idiotic names for the Russians in American movies. I like the books by Tom Clancy very much, but Marko Ramius simply cannot be a Lithuanian. If I heard this name I'd presumed that this man has some Italian or German origins. It should have been something like Mark Ramiuskas.

Originally Posted by Ramil

It should have been something like Mark Ramiuskas.

Markas

Well, he definitely should have come here first to ask you guys. I pulled most of my names list out of some internet sites like wiki. It's only when I submit them to real Russians that I find the errors.

I really liked Sean Connery playing Capt. Ramius. He was a great James Bond, but this movie stuck in my mind as being his greatest role.

I wonder how someone as good as Tom Clancey would make a mistake so significant when his eye for detail is so great in every other respect?

Thanx

Originally Posted by kahless

Ok, apparently I asked the wrong question. The purpose of the radio station was propaganda. Encouraging Soviet patriotism would not be part of the goal of the station. The right question should probably be, what would a Russian soldier want to listen to that would start to warm them towards the American people, without overtly appearing to be a simple propaganda trick.

In the light of this, perhaps the type of musics being offered should be different, maybe?

I kept in mind all of this when writing my previous post and have nothing to correct. I can add that classic and Russian folk music has never been in USSR more popular than western (and soviet) pop-music. If you want to be popular in USSR in early 70-s, play The Beatles, Celentano and french chansonniers. And remember that soldiers won't have possibility to hear you: they are not allowed to.

Originally Posted by kahless

BTW, has anyone seen the movie Hunt for Red October? If so, what did you think about the way the Russians were portrayed?

I didn't see the movie but i did read the book. It contains nice descriptions of military technics and tactics, but descriptions of soviet realities are arguable. As for "Soviet" submarine officers... Well, maybe they are nice guys but they are too strange. Their motivation and actions are strange. I just don't believe in them.

Originally Posted by kahless

Ok, last question on this. Keep in mind this is July 16, 1970.
What would be a good song to open up Radio free Luna's first program. Keep in mind this is the classical and Russian folk Music segment of the show, the morning show. What I want to know is, what would a Russian solider in the Soviet Army in 1970 want to listen to?

Imho, a couple of songs of "Grand Funk Railroad" or "Creedence Clearwater Revival" was more preferable to a Russian soldier at that time. =)

Yeah one of my old favorites by CCR was The Midnight Special, a very old song recorded by many artists over the years.

Ok, so I guess American pop and rock and roll would be best, according to what I'm hearing.

thanx

Again I am not radioengineer but as I know UHF FM needs a retranslator in each town and therefore i doubt it is good for broadcasting on the unfriendly territory. Well, OK, maybe I am wrong and it's not my problem really

This is true, it would be better to broadcast on two-way radio frequencies that the Soviets are already using, as in, the frequency they are communication with each other on. It would be difficult to forbid the soldiers from listening since the combat pilots are flying single occupant hover-tanks on the moon. Kind of hard to look over the shoulder of someone who is virtually alone with a radio.

I would say this. I take great pains for authenticity in the way I present my book, but in the end it is science fiction. I even have a critical view of some weaknesses in my own story, but I have tightened up the inconsistencies and contradictions as much as humanly possible, and in the end, it is still just a story.

I appreciate every bit of constructive criticism. Without it, many good points would be lost.

Thanx

In the light of all of this...

I would like to change the first segment of the translation to this...

Good morning. This is the first broadcast of Radio Free Luna, and my name is Ilya Tarasov. We will be transmitting for the first day on the unsecured Soviet channel. It is presently zero six hundred, Moscow time. Radio Free Luna will have world news at the beginning of each hour, and the rest of the program will be music. We will broadcast twenty-four hours a day. We will play American pop and rock and roll music. We hope you enjoy our show.

Thank You

Originally Posted by kahless

In the news…
Manned Spacecraft Center in Houston, Texas, USA moved to reassess all Apollo spacecraft subsystems and the engineering organizations responsible for them at MSC and its prime contractors, in response to Apollo 13 Review Board recommendation 9 regarding the system failures earlier this year of the Apollo 13 spacecraft.

That part is not quite clear. Am I right assuming that MSC moved to reassess a) Apollo spacecraft subsystems, b) engineering organizations responsible for Apollo spacecraft’s subsystems at MSC, c) prime contractors of MSC ? If I am here is the possible bug it-ogo mentioned. The extract in Russian in this case could be:
В ответ на рекомендацию №9 комиссии по расследованию неполадок систем корабля «Аполлон 13», случившихся в начале этого года, центр пилотируемых космических аппаратов, расположенный в Техасе, США, принял решение о перепроверке всех подсистем кораблей «Аполлон», а также ревизии конструкторских бюро ответственных за работу этих систем перед ЦПКА и его основных подрядчиков.

Hi Ramil, it-ogo, AlexB, and everyone who has helped.

MSC moved to reassess a) Apollo spacecraft subsystems, b) engineering organizations responsible for Apollo spacecraft’s subsystems at MSC, c) prime contractors of MSC ?

Yes, all three. They were reassessing the Apollo 13's subsystems, the engineers that designed them, and the prime contractors that built the subsystems of the rocket. The engineers are actually located at the MSC (Manned Spacecraft Center). The contractors that built the subsystems had their manufacturing plants elsewhere.

Concerning your translation. Both your translation and the first one, have their strengths. In some cases they both say the same thing but using different words or style. I use babel fish Russian to English translator to check the translation. It is not as good as a native Russian but it does tell me if we are getting close.

I looked at yours, the first one, and kept feeding it through babel fish English to Russian and Russian to English translator to isolate phrases or words that worked best. I think I have something that may be very close. I had to rewrite the English slightly to make for easier translation, so...

This is the revised English passage to be translated..

In the news...
Manned Spacecraft Center in Houston, Texas, USA decided to investigate all Apollo spacecraft subsystems and the engineering organizations responsible for them at Manned Spacecraft Center, and their prime contractors, in response to Apollo 13 Review Board’s recommendations regarding the system failures earlier this year of the Apollo 13 spacecraft.

Here is the new proposed Russian translation of this to check

В новостях… Центр пилотируемых полетов в Хьюстоне, штат Техас, США решил расследовать всех подсистем космического корабля Аполлон и организации инженерства ответственные для их на Центр пилотируемых полетов и его первичными контракторы, в ответ на рекомендации доски обозрения Аполлон 13 системы касающейся ряда сбоев систем, произошедших ранее в этом году на "Аполлоне-13".

Thanx

Also based on conversations about what kind of music and radio transmission frequencies, I revised the English of part #1 in the top of the post and it will have to be re translated.

thanx

I think those changes does not change a lot and my version would still be pretty much the same.
В ответ на пожелания комиссии по расследованию неполадок систем корабля «Аполлон 13», случившихся в начале этого года, центр пилотируемых космических аппаратов, расположенный в Хьюстоне штата Техас, США, принял решение о перепроверке всех подсистем кораблей «Аполлон», а также ревизии конструкторских бюро ответственных за работу этих систем перед ЦПКА и его основных подрядчиков.

The machine translation is terrible; it seems that that kind of programs do not want to cooperate with Russian so the ultimate result is almost always not good, to say the least.
The Ramil’s initial rendition of the extract might be not strictly accurate but sounds quite good in Russian. A great interpreting authority is translationsnmru I think; strange enough he did not have his say on the matter; wait till he does.

Translation updated. http://masterrussian.net/mforum/view...203813#p203813

2nd paragraph taken from alexB, it's OK.

Sorry for delay.

P.S. kahless, i recommend you not to compile a translation from different parts and/or make corrections yourself, because heavy bugs are very possible in this case. And automatic translation (as was said) is usually inacceptable and sometimes even completely incomprehensible.

As for barbeque translation, word "барбекю" was not well-known in 70-s and even now (IMHO) most people in Russia do not know it's exact meaning (as I didn't) . Using it in radio news would have the same effect as describing menu in pure french.

yes AlexB's second version looks very smooth. I have one question, What is the exact meaning of ЦПКА?

Thanx

Центр Пилотируемых Космических Аппаратов = Manned Spacecraft Center

Barrierbot #1: Did your hump just say something?
Fry: Uh...I - I've got talking hump syndrome.
Barrierbot #1: Ah, THS.

Oh, very good. Duh, I see that you used the abbreviation for the translated Russian word. Question I have is this?

you used Центр Пилотируемых Космических Аппаратов, which has an extra word in it than it-ogo's translation of Центр пилотируемых полетов, it looks like yours is Center of the manned automatic spacecraft and it-ogo's is literally Manned Spacecraft Center

To make this smooth to the Russian listeners ears, is yours better? And yes, I understand all I have to check this with is a stupid automatic translation machine.

Thanx

Originally Posted by alexB

Центр Пилотируемых Космических Аппаратов = Manned Spacecraft Center

Barrierbot #1: Did your hump just say something?
Fry: Uh...I - I've got talking hump syndrome.
Barrierbot #1: Ah, THS.

In Russian realities it is called just ЦУП (Центр Управления Полётами).
So the translation would be ЦПКА, but if you want an equivalent ЦУП fits more. (ЦУП is the real thing):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mission_Control_Center