Thread: Hello & Is This A Love Story?

Well here goes. Hi all. I am Steve and this is my first post.

So for starters I should fess up, that I haven't just come here to be sociable (although I will) and learn about Russian culture and language. I don't mind if I do some learning about this and get some basic Russian language skills, but I do confess I have a premeditated agenda.

About a month ago, I was browsing in an internet classified advertising website, in the personals section to be specific. Well if some nice girl described me to a tee, maybe I would line up a date (OK so now you know i am single - settle down ladies ). i I couldn't see anybody whose rave really struck a chord with me, so I decided to just pick a girl who looked pretty and put all of my chips on a long shot. I wasn't really too serious.

With a name like Tatyana I might have known the girl was Russian, but hey, there are single Russian girls here in Australia (I think). I was browsing in a website that is supposed to be intended for local content, but I think that is strictly left to the honor system. Anyhow, I emailed Tatyana and she replied. It turns out that she lives in Kazan Russia. She appears to be a stereotype of the lonely Russian girl, who wants to marry and have children outside of her homeland. She had a boyfriend who cheated on her (that bastard), and she has sworn off of her countrymen.

I must admit, I have become rather fascinated and perhaps a bit infatuated with this girl. She swore point blank from her first email, that she was not writing to ask me for any money or to scam me in anyway. She just wants to meet a man in the western world, who will respect her and treat her right. So I have tried my best to take her on her word and accept that what she has told me is the truth.

We have exchanged about eight emails each now, and I am finding it hard. I don't want to go into too much detail about what she has said, as I feel as if I might be betraying her confidence. Her English skills are not to bad. I can generally understand what she is saying quite easily. I'm not sure that this works the other way though. Despite her enthusiasm to ramp up the romantic rhetoric (perhaps very sincere for her part), she doesn't seem to be hearing or understand some of the things I am telling her. I am concerned that, if we are to try to get to know each other via email, well enough for it to be worthwhile planning to meet each other, she will have to know me a bit (well.. a lot really) better.

A couple of tell tale signs concern me though. For starters, she has not responded to quite a few questions I have directly asked, and her emails all appear to indicate that she is either not reading or understanding what I have written. In some cases, subjects dear to me I have expressed in detail, and she has asked a question as if I had never said a word about the subject. I want to explain specifics but i can't.

It has been mentioned that she has no mobile phone, no phone at home and no internet (of course). She is limited to visiting an internet cafe, where she can email from but can't visit websites. She has never (true to her word) asked me for any money to help, even with the things which might make our communications much easier.

I am so very conflicted and perplexed right now about what to do with this girl. On one hand, she may be working at some email mill, where they crank out romantic platitudes to men who would feel obliged to help and send money to the stunningly beautiful woman who can't afford her own phone, computer and internet connection. She could be emailing ten guys a day for all I know. On the other hand, she may be perfectly honest and not responding to my specific questions and subject matter, because she doesn't understand very well what I am trying to say. In which case I need help.

In my last post to Tatyana, I decided to confront the issue head on. My attempt assumed she could understand what I was saying. I told her that I was concerned about some things I had talked about, which she had raised as if I had never said anything about them. I asked her to read my emails again, and ask for explanations if she doesn't understand what I have said. In the same email, I broke the news that I had lost my job (which I have). I was laid off last week, so I am no longer even a wage earner. Up until my last post, we had worked up to daily emails, but it had been five days since then that I had not heard from her and I began to suspect that she either realized that I would not fall for a scam, or perhaps I was not worth bothering with because I no longer have a wage.

Either way I had begun to wash my hands, when today, I received another email from Tatyana which failed to acknowledge my concerns and pretended that we were becoming so close and serious. She told me she had told her closest friend about me and asked me who I have told and well... She just seems so enthusiastic that we have found each other, and I don't want to break her heart (or lose her), if she is for real. On the other hand she just doesn't seem to be getting to know me at all and goes on pretending that we are having this whirlwind, online romance, where as I have emphasized patience and gradual trust.

So... My problem is this: Is it really just a language barrier problem? If so what can I do? Are there really so many girls like this in Russia, or is it just an exaggerated stereotype? If so who is doing the exaggerating? Would anybody here care to set me on the right path? For this I would be most grateful. I have wondered if somebody could translate my last post into Russian, then Tatyana would have to understand it.

Do you think that there is romance here or... I don't want to think Tatyana is scamming me, Please tell me it isn't likely and she is a good girl with her heart in the right place and she just doesn't understand me so well. If somebody would like to volunteer to translate an email I would be very grateful. I would allow a trusted person to read our emails so far and give a considered opinion. Anybody with bi-lingual Russian/English reading writing skills, with an interest in relationships?


Would you please help?
Skepticus.

Sounds like a scam. Requests for money usually come later, when the man is thoroughly hooked. In most such schemes, money problems arise after the girl has agreed to come to the man's country for a personal meeting and he is all hot and eager to see her as fast as possible. All of a sudden, the girl needs cash for the Visa, then, just before the intended departure date, her mother or grandma or little sister contracts a nasty disease, or gets run over, or falls down and breaks her leg/arm , and a certain sum is needed for the surgery or some other expensive treatment, etc., etc.

Here are the things that stirred my suspictions:
1. I can't believe she has no cellular phone (or any phone as she wrote). Really it's highly unusual to say the very least. I'm 99.9% convinced that she's lying about that.
2. The fact that she doesn't bother to answer your direct questions also says that she was not very honest with you.

It's impossible to know for sure but I think it doesn't look good.

Originally Posted by Ramil

Here are the things that stirred my suspictions:
1. I can't believe she has no cellular phone (or any phone as she wrote). Really it's highly unusual to say the very least.

I do not have a cell either. And never had. On the other hand, I'm a weirdo, so I agree, overall it's highly suspicious.

Ignoring important questions is suspicious as well. She either does it on purpose, or she's not interested enough in your problems or feelings (the later doesn't mean she's a scam, but I doubt you want this kind of person as a partner).

I didn't like a few other details, such as her saying she won't ask for money in the first letter. I can't imaging a decent person beginning the conversation with "Trust me, I'm not going to scam you". It kinda goes without saying.
Meh... Maybe it's just me.

Я думаю, что это спам. Не надо переводить, а то это разлетится по русским форумам.
Всякие странные личности прорываются сюда, потому что МастерАдмин решил попробовать автоматический апрувал по имейлам. Придётся увидеть разную грязь, но, может, и ещё больше хороших людей неожиданно встретим.

Originally Posted by Lampada

Я думаю, что это спам. Не надо переводить, а то это разлетится по русским форумам.
Всякие странные личности прорываются сюда, потому что МастерАдмин решил попробовать автоматический апрувал по имейлам. Придётся увидеть разную грязь, но, может, и ещё больше хороших людей неожиданно встретим.

I don't see how this can be spam because the guy isn't advertising anything nor does he link to a website or request anything other than an opinion. Spam in 99.9% of cases is advertising of some form. What's this guy advertising?

Originally Posted by TATY

Originally Posted by Lampada

Я думаю, что это спам. Не надо переводить, а то это разлетится по русским форумам.
Всякие странные личности прорываются сюда, потому что МастерАдмин решил попробовать автоматический апрувал по имейлам. Придётся увидеть разную грязь, но, может, и ещё больше хороших людей неожиданно встретим.

I don't see how this can be spam because the guy isn't advertising anything nor does he link to a website or request anything other than an opinion. Spam in 99.9% of cases is advertising of some form. What's this guy advertising?

Я поленилось прочитать письмо. Да, наверное, я неправа.
Столько разных писем циркулирует в инете...

Originally Posted by Lampada

Originally Posted by TATY

Originally Posted by Lampada

Я думаю, что это спам. Не надо переводить, а то это разлетится по русским форумам.
Всякие странные личности прорываются сюда, потому что МастерАдмин решил попробовать автоматический апрувал по имейлам. Придётся увидеть разную грязь, но, может, и ещё больше хороших людей неожиданно встретим.

I don't see how this can be spam because the guy isn't advertising anything nor does he link to a website or request anything other than an opinion. Spam in 99.9% of cases is advertising of some form. What's this guy advertising?

Я поленилось прочитать письмо. Да, наверное, я неправа.
Столько разных писем циркулирует в инете...

Thank you all for your helpful replies, and thank you TATY, you are quite right I am not selling anything. No problems Lampada. I don't need a translation of that, the " " says it all. Aren't smillies wonderful?

I have done some research on the net tonight though and I have some interesting information if anybody is curious. But right now it's way past my bedtime.

Приветствия

scam, not spam!

Post this on russianwomendiscussion.com if you want to hear what people in the know have to say about this. They seem to be a very experienced bunch.

gRomoZeka is probably the only girl in Russia without a cellphone.

Originally Posted by chaika

scam, not spam!

Post this on russianwomendiscussion.com if you want to hear what people in the know have to say about this. They seem to be a very experienced bunch.

gRomoZeka is probably the only girl in Ukraine without a cellphone.

Further research reveals that this is definitely a scam. So it is time for skepticus to go 'scambaiting'. An interesting (and very bloody funny) thread is posted a website for people teaching English in Russia. The thread is called Fun with Russian scammers. Another website (419 Eater) reveals what to do about this. The thread in the first link is a bit crude in parts, so well raised ladies might want to cover their eyes while they read it.

Basically, scambaiting seems to have become a popular online sport. It is possible to scam the scammer and even get them arrested. In the tale above, the scammers use a computer virus to 'keylog' a victim. They analyze the key strokes to find the online banking details. On a given day they line up a third party (like me) to intercept the stolen funds. A story will be made up that justifies the transaction of money which is then supposed to be passed on to the scammer (posing as the beloved soul mate) for a plane fare or whatever. That's where I get to have a little fun.

Obviously the scammer is turned over to authorities and the funds returned to their rightful owner, but I get to perform a civic duty and have a little fun in the meantime. Wish me luck.[/url]

It is not a love story, but an embarrassing tale of gullibility on your part. That being said, Welcome to MasterRussian!

Originally Posted by xRoosterx

It is not a love story, but an embarrassing tale of gullibility on your part. That being said, Welcome to MasterRussian!

Thanks for the welcome xRoosterx. In all fairness, I was bending over backwards to play devils advocate for the scammer and trying not to lead to a preordained conclusion. The facts are as I reported them, and the question about whether it may be true romance, is just that, a question. I was attempting to keep an open mind and be as fair as possible to my hypothetical female, correspondent, while putting the question to others.

There was a psychological study done once, that shows how you pose a question effects the responses you will get. If I recall correctly, the question was about conscription. If the surveyor asked something like: "Do you believe young people should be forced into military service where they may die for their country", more than 50% would respond negatively. If instead you asked something like "Do you approve of the government assigning to our young people, rewarding careers in noble service of our country?" The majority would then respond affirmatively.

In my own mind, I have been far more skeptical than you assume, but I was seeking a response that would give as much possible benefit of the doubt for my corespondent. If I were gullible, I might have already offered to send over some money, so she could just buy a damn cellphone, or to get the internet put on at home. You see it's easy to give the benefit of the doubt or just play along, while there is no risk involved. The acid test of my skepticism, is that I would actually look into the matter before making any commitment. I have not been duped. I have not professed my undying love for this 'girl', I have not been conned into sending any money. So how prey tell, have I been gullible? By keeping an open mind to the possibility (however slim), that she might be real?

I am not the slightest bit embarrassed by my conduct. I have simply been careful and fair. Because I have given the scammer, the benefit of the doubt, I am now in a position to help lynch her/him/it. It is also very convenient after the fact, with the benefit of hindsight, to try and accuse me of being gullible, when; I saw the signs which raised my suspicion when; I speculated with a (hypothetical) bet either way, when; I done some research which procured the evidence that this was truly a scam and when; I blew the whistle, without might I add, actually getting duped. It is really a cheap shot, after all this, with absolutely zero risk of being proven wrong, to out the scam (which I have already outed) and accuse me of being gullible.

Thanks for your input anyhow

Originally Posted by chaika

gRomoZeka is probably the only girl in Russia without a cellphone.

You'll be amazed at how wrong you are. I know at least a dozen of guys of my age and younger who doesn't have one.

Really, a cellphone can be a pain in the ass. When you're working from home and people are bombarding you with calls all day long you do need some free time (especially if you hate talking on the phone as much as I do).
So I aways can say: "Don't call me this weekend. I won't be at home". "I'll call you on the cell!" "I don't have a cell!" Muahahaaaa!!!!

I developed a simple solution for this - on week-ends or after 6 p.m. I simply turn off the ringer on my cellphone. This way I can see who was trying to reach me but I don't get disturbed. If I need I pick the time for a call-back myself.

Originally Posted by chaika

scam, not spam!

Post this on russianwomendiscussion.com if you want to hear what people in the know have to say about this. They seem to be a very experienced bunch.

Thanks chika, I saw you mention this site on another thread. I have been there for a look around. I don't think I need to post my story there though, I think I know what they would say. Clearly I do have a scam on my hands. It does look like a very interesting site though and I do suddenly find myself taking an interest in Russia. Perhaps I will look into finding a genuine Russian lady to be friends with but it will have to be much more gradual and relaxed than with the sudden "love of my life", Tatyana. So that will be a good site to learn from.

I am also glad I have come here, as I have seen plenty to assure me that Russian folk are very nice company, an interesting culture and are very genuine. Not blowing smoke up anybodies ass, but Russians here seem more like Aussies than most cultures do, laid back with a sense of humor. Rest assured, I won't let my recent experience with miss Tatyana (not you TATY) influence my outlook on Russian people.

Regards Skepticus.

Just avoid Russian woman on the internet. If you want to meet a Russian woman, try and find one who's already in Australia, she's more likely to be actually looking for a man and not just his money / passport.

Originally Posted by TATY

Just avoid Russian woman on the internet. If you want to meet a Russian woman, try and find one who's already in Australia, she's more likely to be actually looking for a man and not just his money / passport.

Good advice TATY. Planning to come to Australia any time soon?


BTW, what song are you singing (in your avatar), Are you a professional singer? Do tell!!

Originally Posted by skepticus

Originally Posted by TATY

Just avoid Russian woman on the internet. If you want to meet a Russian woman, try and find one who's already in Australia, she's more likely to be actually looking for a man and not just his money / passport.

Good advice TATY. Planning to come to Australia any time soon?


BTW, what song are you singing (in your avatar), Are you a professional singer? Do tell!!

I'm a British gay man, somehow I doubt I'm your type.


The person in my avatar is the famous Russian singer Alla Pugacheva.

There are no women on the internets (c)