Hey, nicely spoken indeed! If you wrote it all by yourself, you're on the right track.
However.
"Если вы хотите язык партнера" - is translated like "
in case you want the partner's tongue", which essentially implies some sexual context, which is funny

Other than that, it's cool.
Btw, me too, I play Battlefield 3, but on the PC. If you play the PC version, find me at the battlelog under the nickname "egalor_original".