Thread: Please, check my essay.

Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It
would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more
traditional pastimes than spending all day indoors.
Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

I think that the question whether young people should spend their spare time at home in front of computers or outdoor playing soccer with their friends is one that is rather controversial and open for debate. Some parents firmly believe that face-to-face communication between peers is vital. However other parents encourage their children to play computer games and to watch TV channels at home. In this essay I will analyze these points of view and present my opinion in favor of people who are inclined to believe that intermediate position can be taken.

On the one hand, many people suppose that teenagers should spend their free time outdoor with their peers. The most obvious advantage of it is the fact in this case young people have excellent chances to develop their communicative skills. As a result they could use these skills in their future job and succeed in their career. Another important aspect of it is the fact that most outdoor activities such as basketball, soccer or hockey lead to exceptionally good health. There is no doubt that if a child prefers playing computer games it will lead one to poor health especially concerning eyesight and posture. Thus it is clear why many people gravitate towards this point of view.

On the other hand some parents assume that their children should have total competence in computers and as a consequence of this the children spend most of their spare time at home. One of the reason why parents support their children in this matter is the fact that they believe that computer literacy will assist the children in their future life. Let’s take for example the situation that nowadays most employers want to have high-qualified workers with computer skills. In addition to mentioned above these days there are a lot of possibilities to get education through the Internet. After analyzing these facts, it is clear why some parents support this claim.

Taking into account everything mentioned above I think that combination of computer literacy with outdoor activities will give the best results. Parent should bring up harmonious children in order that they succeed in the future life.

Next essay.

It has been proved that smoking kills. In some countries it has been made illegal for
people to smoke in all public places except in certain areas. All countries should
make these rules.
Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

I think that the question whether authorities should ban tobacco smoking in public places is the one that is really topical and open for debate. Most people strongly believe that it is essential to prohibit smoking in schools, universities and offices. In this essay I will analyze this point of view and present my opinion in favor of people who are inclined to think that a society should get rid of smoking in public.

First of all, it is well-known fact that cigarette consuming is exceptionally unhealthy habit. Take for example that smoking is a cause of many dangerous deceases such as lung cancer and heart attack. In turn, smoking cigarettes in offices and restaurants leads to the situation when people who don’t smoke suffer from cigar fumes and smells due to they are next to the smokers. Furthermore, I have recently read an article in a magazine about dangerous of smoking. According to the recent statistic report more than 50% of nonsmokers have serious smoke-related deceases. Thus it is clear why many people gravitate towards creation of legislation against smoking in public places.

Another very important aspect of it is the fact that children always learn from adults. As a result, if an adult shows how he or she smoke on the street it will definitely lead to situation when a child will do the same. After analyzing these facts it is obvious why it is so vital to have a law which would prohibit smoking in society.

Taking into account everything mentioned above I suppose that a society must have special legislation concerning smoking in public places. In this case only people’s health will be successfully protected.

I think that the question whether young people should spend their spare time at home in front of computers or outdoor playing soccer with their friends is one that is rather controversial and open for debate. Some parents firmly believe that face-to-face communication between peers is vital. However other parents encourage their children to play computer games and to watch TV channels at home. In this essay I will analyze these points of view and present my opinion in favor of people who are inclined to believe that intermediate position can be taken.

On the one hand, many people suppose that teenagers should spend their free time outdoor with their peers. The most obvious advantage of it is the fact in this case young people have excellent chances to develop their communicative skills. As a result they could use these skills in their future job and succeed in their career. Another important aspect of it is the fact that most outdoor activities such as basketball, soccer or hockey lead to exceptionally good health. There is no doubt that if a child prefers playing computer games it will lead one to poor health especially concerning eyesight and posture. Thus it is clear why many people gravitate towards this point of view.

On the other hand some parents assume that their children should have total competence in computers and as a consequence of this the children spend most of their spare time at home. One of the reason why parents support their children in this matter is the fact that they believe that computer literacy will assist the children in their future life. Let’s take for example the situation that nowadays most employers want to have high-qualified workers with computer skills. In addition to mentioned above these days there are a lot of possibilities to get education through the Internet. After analyzing these facts, it is clear why some parents support this claim.

Taking into account everything mentioned above I think that combination of computer literacy with outdoor activities will give the best results. Parent should bring up harmonious children in order that they succeed in the future life.


i think this is a grade A essay for someone who is learning english. i think i have highlighted some sentences/phrases which you may wish to substitute with simpler ones or re check
very good

think that the question whether authorities should ban tobacco smoking in public places is the one that is really topical and open for debate. Most people strongly believe that it is essential to prohibit smoking in schools, universities and offices. In this essay I will analyze this point of view and present my opinion in favor of people who are inclined to think that society should get rid of smoking in public.

First of all, it is a well-known fact that cigarette smoking is an exceptionally unhealthy habit. Take for example that smoking is a cause of many dangerous diseases such as lung cancer and heart attack. In turn, smoking cigarettes in offices and restaurants leads to the situation wherepeople who don’t smoke suffer from cigar fumes and smells due to them being next to the smokers. Furthermore, I have recently read an article in a magazine about the dangers of smoking. According to recent statistics more than 50% of nonsmokers have serious smoking-related diseases . Thus it is clear why many people gravitate towards creation of legislation against smoking in public places.

Another very important aspect of it is the fact that children always learn from adults. As a result, if an adult smokes on the street it will definitely lead to situation where a child will do the same. After analyzing these facts it is obvious why it is so vital to have a law which would prohibit smoking in society.

Taking into account everything mentioned above I suppose that a society must have special legislation concerning smoking in public places. In this case only people’s health will be successfully protected.

again very good, i have highlighted some improvements in this way some things could be phrased

Just a couple of extra points..

[quote:357yw6ku]think that the question whether authorities should ban tobacco smoking in public places is [s:357yw6ku]the[/s:357yw6ku] one that is really topical and open for debate

[/quote:357yw6ku]

Compare:
This question is the one that is A. ie.This is the question that is A (as opposed to the other questions which aren't A.)
This question is one that is A. ie. This question is A/ This is one of the questions that are A.

In this case only people’s health will be successfully protected.

I think it's better to invert the subject and verb here
ie.In this case only will people’s health be successfully protected.

Otherwise (admittedly, in this particular sentence context makes the meaning clear, but still) it may sound like it is only people's health that will be successfully protected.

Similarly:
Only in this case does something happen. implies This is the only case in which something happens.
Only in this case something happens means 'But in this case (ie. as opposed to some other case) something happens.'

For more info http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/learn ... tv34.shtml