Thread: The next president of Russia

Hi!

If it's possible correct my mistakes in three steps (like this).
The step one is highlight only grammar mistakes. The step two is highlight
grammar and stylistic mistakes. The step three is would you please to rephrase my sentences in
English in order they would be like written by a native speaker, if it's possible .

Thanks!

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As you probably know Russia is a very big country. Besides it has a reach
history full of bright events. But let's talk about nowadays. I mean the
presidential elections. I think it's fine that the United States and
Russia have elections in the same year and we are able to compare ones.
When the candidates in the United States are visiting different states during
a presidential campaign we have a very different current state of affairs
here in Russia. I'll try to explain that. If we would talk about the
quantity of candidates in Russia then everything is fine. We have the four
candidate to a president. There are Medvedev, Zyganov, Zhrininovsky and
one more candidate. Quite frankly I even don't know his name as he has no
chance to become a president. In that case the other question arises. Who
will be the next president of Russia?

If you'd ask an average person on a street, you'd get a very straight
answer. So Dmitry Medvedev probably (the probability equals 100%) will be
the next president of Russia. Maybe you would ask yourself: What's going on? Can
we change something? Why events are going in this way? The answer is
really simple in my opinion. First let's remember how the current
president of Russia has been becoming a president. On the 31st of December
2000 Boris Yeltsin made a declaration. We have a sort of tradition like
this in Russia. And tsar Boris said something like: "People of Russia!
I am sorry. I am very tired and I'll go away. You have to pick another
president. Good bye!" Quite frankly I don't remember his speech by heart
as it contained a lot of smart words.

And from this moment something incredible started to happen. I didn't
believe it! Vladimir Putin has been appearing in each issue of news! I've
been turning a TV and started flip to the channels. He was everywhere. Look!
Vladimir Putin is inside a submarine. Vladimir Putin is on a ship.
Vladimir Putin has a meeting with poor people. Vladimir Putin is flying
to Chechnya as a copilot. Vladimir Putin and peasants. Vladimir Putin
and... Et cetera, et cetera.

[...]
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Originally Posted by astronomer

Hi!

If it's possible, correct my mistakes in three steps (like this).
_Step one is to highlight only grammar mistakes. _Step two is to highlight grammar and stylistic mistakes. Step three is _ to rephrase my sentences in
English in order that they would be as though written by a native speaker, if it's possible .

I'm not sure I exactly understand how to do what you want, but here're my corrections:

As you probably know, Russia is a very big country. _It has a far-reaching history full of bright [better to say "interesting" or "exciting"] events. But let's talk about nowadays [this is probably too colloquial for your aims, just say "the present day"] _ namely, the presidential elections. _[not good to say "I think" in an exposition] The fact that the United States and Russia have elections in the same year gives us a good opportunity to compare them.
Whereas the candidates in the United States are visiting different states during a presidential campaign, the [it's better to depersonalize in an exposition and use "the" as a specifier as opposed to personal pronouns and omit "here" implying personal connection to a place] _state of affairs in Russia is much different_ [color=red]. If we _talk about the quantity of candidates in Russia, then everything is fine. Russia presently has four candidates in the presidential race; by name, Medvedev, Zyganov, Zhrininovsky, and another candidate [whose name you should find out!!] Quite frankly I even don't know his name as he has no chance to become a president --->strike this line, it's far too subjective & sounds a bit hostile. Of them, who
will be the next president of Russia? This seems to be the question weighing on everyone's mind, just the same as in the American elections.

If you_ ask an average person on a street, you will get a very straight answer [!!avoid contractions in formal writings!!] _,Dmitry Medvedev. In my opinion, the probability that he wins is somewhere near 100%. This might leave the reader asking himself: Why? [You need to explain why the presidential candidate is likely to win and point out the corruption/whatever else that is causing it]. Can we change this somehow? _ The answer is really simple in my opinion. First, let's remember how the current president of Russia became president. On the 31st of December in the year 2000, Boris Yeltsin made a declaration [about what? explain]], saying something like: "People of Russia! I am sorry. I am very tired and I'll go away. You have to pick another president. Good bye!" Quite frankly I don't remember his speech by heart as it contained a lot of smart words. ---> This should be omitted and you should find the actual transcription of his declaration.

[Don't start a sentence with "and," generally] From this moment on, something incredible started to happen - I couldn't believe it! Vladimir Putin was all over the news and the TV. He was everywhere:
Inside submarines, on a ship, meeting with poor people, flying
to Chechnya as a copilot, appearing with peasants. Vladimir Putin
and... Et cetera, et cetera.

[...]
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Originally Posted by Trzeci_Wymiar

[...]

Trzeci_Wymiar, thanks a lot! I know a couple of new things about English language now.

I want to read the rest! Please post! It is quite interesting!!!

By the way you also have to keep in mind one more thing. When Boris
Yeltsin declared about his resignation, the other presidential candidates
was not able to prepare to the race as they thought that the elections will
be (I am not sure about the tense) much later. Thus the two factors: an
early retirement of Yeltsin and a Putin's promotion on the TV played
a significant role in becoming a president of Vladimir Putin.

Besides a new word related to things like this appeared in Russia. It is
widely used in present days. Everyone had heard at least one time the
phrase: "advantages of administrative offices". You probably already
guessed what does it mean but let's dig inside one a little.
Russia had elections to the Duma (it's like a parliament) a short time ago
(on the 2nd of December in the year 2007). A lot of political
parties participated in a race: "United Russia" (the ruling party),
"Communist Party of Russia", "Liberal democratic party of Russia" and so
on. Russian law prohibits any campaigning in the election's day. It
means that citizens of any city in Russia don't have to see any party's
posters or cross street banners, when they are going to vote. Officers in
my city did that. They removed an advertising of each party from the
streets except... (of course!) except placards of the "United Russia".
They probably forgot to do that.

The advantages of administrative offices is used not only in
that way. Let's take a look on another event. So-called the youth movement
"Coming together" was created in the year 2000. It supports the current
president Vladimir Putin doing meetings in Moscow, for example. The Russia
government and offices like this sort of meetings, because a lot of young
people from different regions of the country show their respect to a
president and his politics. But what about "The other Russia". When the
people of this movement has been going on the streets of Moscow and Saint
Petersburg in the beginning of 2007, they were beaten by employees of the
Special Police Force despite of it was a peaceful march. So as the
slogan of the Fox news channel reads: "We report. You decide."

But let's return back and continue our conversation about the TV and a
journalism in Russia as they are the powerful tool for making a public
opinion in any country.
[...]

[As you probably know, Russia is a very big country. _It has a far-reach[color=red]ing history full of bright [better to say "interesting" or "exciting"] events.

I think it sounds more natural to say:

It has a huge, rich and vibrant history.

huge = far-reaching .... widespread .... very big
vibrant = bright colours
rich = deep, full of events

I've heard about the youth camps on TV. This is an exellent piece of writing. I've tried to give a better version. Grammar mistakes are corrected in red. Alternative phrases are in blue.

Originally Posted by astronomer

By the way you also have to keep in mind one more thing. When Boris
Yeltsin declared his resignation, the other presidential candidates
were not able to prepare for the race as they thought that the elections would be (I am not sure about the tense) much later. Thus the two factors: an
early retirement of Yeltsin and a Putin's promotion on the TV played
a significant role in becoming a president of Vladimir Putin. These two factors were therefore instrumental in Vladimir Putin becoming president: Yeltsin's early retirement and Putin's promotion on TV.Besides a new word related to things like this appeared in Russia. A new phrase has been coined now in Russia to refer to things like this . It is very popular nowadays[/color]. Everyone has heard the phrase at least once. at least one time the
phrase: "advantages of administrative offices". "Perks of the job" You probably already
guessed what it means but let's dig inside one a little. let's delve a bit deeper . Russia had elections to the Duma (it's like a parliament) a short time ago
(on the 2nd of December in the year 2007). A lot of political
parties participated in a race: "United Russia" (the ruling party),
"Communist Party of Russia", "Liberal democratic party of Russia" and so
on. Russian law prohibits any campaigning on the day of the election.. It
means that citizens of any city in Russia don't have to see any party's
posters or come across street banners, when they are going to vote. Officers in (Officials ... or do you mean police officers? )my city did that. They removed an advertising of each party all trace of each party's advertising from the
streets except... (of course!) except for placards of the "United Russia".
They probably forgot to do that.

The advantages of administrative offices is used not only in
that way. Let's take a look at another event . The so-called youth movement
"Coming together" was created in the year 2000. It supports the current
president Vladimir Putin by having meetings in Moscow, for example. The Russia
government and offices The Russian government and officials like these sort of meetings, because a lot of young
people from different regions of the country show their respect to a
president and his politics. But what about "The other Russia". When the
people of this movement went onto the streets of Moscow and Saint
Petersburg atthe beginning of 2007, they were beaten by employees of the
Special Police Force despite it being a peaceful march. So as the
slogan of the Fox news channel reads: "We report. You decide."

But let's go back and continue our discussion about TV and
journalism in Russia as they are a powerful tool for making public
opinion in any country. [...]

Originally Posted by Mandy

I've heard about the youth camps on TV. This is an exellent piece of writing. I've tried to give a better version. Grammar mistakes are corrected in red. Alternative phrases are in blue.
[...]

Mandy, thanks for the corrections! I've known about the new phrase in English "has been coined"...

And(?) about officials removed a political parties' advertising. Of course I meant "officials" but not "officers". It was a mistake

However I am not sure about the phrase "perks of the job". I think this is a slightly different concept than "advantages of administrative offices"... I'll ask about it in an separate branch of the "English for Russians" forum. Maybe someone will explain me

And(?) thanks for the corrections again! /*Ну, и еще раз спасибо!*/

Да, правда, что "Perks of the job" не поддаётся переводу.

Значит более вообще, например :

One of the perks of the job for the MPs in England is having an allowance for a flat in London.

"It's a perk of the job". .... eg free use of a vehicle or something extra on top of wages.

Это хорошая идея - искать расходящиеся мнения, потому что перевезти полный смысл с одным фразом вашно, мне кажется.

Grammar corretions

Originally Posted by Mandy

Да, правда, что "Perks of the job" не поддаётся переводу.

Значит более вообще, например :

One of the perks of the job for the MPs in England is having an allowance for a flat in London.

"It's a perk of the job". .... eg free use of a vehicle or something extra on top of wages.

Это хорошая идея - искать расходящиеся мнения, потому что перевести полный смысл _ одной фразой важно, мне кажется.

Stylistic(?) corrections as I understand ones

Originally Posted by Mandy

Да, дословно перевести отдельное выражение "perks of the job" на русский в общем случае нельзя.

Но из контекста понять его значение легко. Например:

One of the perks of the job for the MPs in England is having an allowance for a flat in London.

"It's a perk of the job". .... eg free use of a vehicle or something extra on top of wages.

Хорошая мысль - спросить кого-нибудь еще, т.к. лучше всего попытаться перевести эту фразу на русский одним правильным термином.

Thanks astronomer,

I know my Russian often isn't quite right but I can't think my way round the structure of the grammar and vocabulary to say it in a more Russian way. That's why this site is really great for me.

PS. Instead of "of administrative offices",
I would say of those in power or of government. For the American system "the administration" sounds Ok, but in England administration doesn't sound right.[/i]