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Thread: Some Russian Sentences

  1. #1
    Почтенный гражданин impulse's Avatar
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    Some Russian Sentences

    Добрый день!

    Вот я ещё раз написал немного предложенния на русском языке...
    Пожалуйста проверку мои фразы? Спасибо большое.

    1-Приветик! - Ну, я не знаю нормально ли пользоваться слово "прветик" если в знаете, что я мужчина? Может быть только девушки говорите это так - "приветик!" и мужчина "привет!". Но мне нравится слово "приветик"

    2-Другое слово нравится мне - большевиков. "Проспект Большевиков" станция метро в Петербурге и каждый раз я послышал это имя, я подумал как красивое слово.

    3-Проспект Большевиков длинной и широкой. Этот проспект один из наиболее крупных проспектов которые находиться в Петербурге (Bolsheviks Pospect is long and wide. This procpekt is one of the largest which is located in Petersburg)

    4-Там есть много театров, кинотеатров, баров другое место веселиться в Турции. Но я редко хожу театры, кинотеатры или бары.

    5-Море находится к Турцие очень красивые. Особенно море на юге и западе.
    Иди и учи русский!

  2. #2
    Властелин iCake's Avatar
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    Добрый день!

    Вот я ещё раз написал несколько предложений на русском языке...
    Пожалуйста, проверьте мои фразы? Спасибо большое.

    1- Приветик! Ну, я не знаю, нормально ли пользоваться словом "приветик", если вы знаете, что я мужчина? Может быть только девушки говорят так: "приветик!", а мужчины: "привет!". Но мне нравится слово "приветик".

    2- Другое слово ещё нравится мне - большевиков. "Проспект Большевиков" - станция метро в Петербурге, и каждый раз когда я слышу это название, я думаю какое это красивое слово.

    3- "Проспект Большевиков" длинный и широкий. Этот проспект один из наиболее крупных проспектов из тех, которые находятся в Петербурге.

    4- В Турции есть много театров, кинотеатров, баров и других мест, в которых можно развлечься. Но я редко хожу в театры, кинотеатры или бары.

    5- Моря в Турции очень красивые. Особенно моря на юге и западе.

    Great work. Everything was perfecly understandable and only minor corrections were needed
    impulse likes this.
    I do not claim that my opinion is absolutely true.
    If you've spotted any mistake in my English, please, correct it. I want to be aware of any mistakes to efficiently eliminate them before they become a habit.

  3. #3
    Почтенный гражданин impulse's Avatar
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    Thanks mate,

    There are still many "bold black" corrections. I wish they were lesser.

    немного/несколько - I confuse these all the time and cannot decide clearly which to use when.

    I was about to write проверьте instead of проверку. I could not figure out what grammatic form is проверку. I cannot understand it clearly. That is why I could not make up my mind which to use. So what is the grammatic structure of проверку?

    Why из тех is needed in the 3rd sentence?

    Well, I used к Турцие in the 5th sentence because I thought that к Турцие states the seas are located around Turkey. Like they cover around it rather than stating they are in Turkey.

    Thanks alot.
    Иди и учи русский!

  4. #4
    Старший оракул
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    The preposition "к" never means "around", "к Турции" is "towards Turkey" (movement direction). Please also note that all nouns ending in "-ий, -ие, -ия" in there dictionary form, have "-ии" ending when declining, and never "-ие": Россия - из России, в России, к России, о России; Турция - из Турции, в Турции, к Турции, о Турции.

    "Around Turkey" is "вокруг Турции". Then your option is: Моря вокруг Турции очень красивые.
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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by impulse View Post
    I was about to write проверьте instead of проверку. I could not figure out what grammatic form is проверку. I cannot understand it clearly. That is why I could not make up my mind which to use. So what is the grammatic structure of проверку?
    "Проверка" is a noun (feminine gender): checking, verifying, correction.
    So, "проверку" is just its accusative case: "предложения на проверку" = "sentences for correction", "спасибо за проверку" = "thank you for correction".
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  6. #6
    Почтенный гражданин impulse's Avatar
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    Thanks alot.
    Иди и учи русский!

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by impulse View Post
    Why из тех is needed in the 3rd sentence?
    I think it is possible to phrase it like that:

    Этот проспект - один из наиболее крупных проспектов, которые находятся в Петербурге.

    In some cases the relation "тот" ("из тех" is a form of "тот") is manadatory. But here I think it is not.

    The meaning is just literally: "из тех" = "of/among those".
    Этот проспект - один из наиболее крупных проспектов из тех, которые находятся в Петербурге.

    This avenue is one of the biggest avenues among those which are located in Peresburg.

    I hope you get it now.

    And to my opinion, this wording is however superfluous. I would rephrase it in a simpler way:
    Этот проспект - один из наиболее крупных проспектов Петербург
    а. (note the genitive)
    or
    Этот проспект - один из наиболее крупных проспектов
    в Петербурге.

    The "из тех, которые находятся" part is totally redundant.
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  8. #8
    Властелин iCake's Avatar
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    немного/несколько - I confuse these all the time and cannot decide clearly which to use when.
    немного is literally NOT MANY/MUCH
    несколько is several/some. Or to be more clear несколько is some undefined amount.

    But make no mistake, you could still say:
    я ещё раз написал немного предложений на русском языке
    but несколько sounds just much more smoother and authentic in this case

    I was about to write проверьте instead of проверку. I could not figure out what grammatic form is проверку. I cannot understand it clearly. That is why I could not make up my mind which to use. So what is the grammatic structure of проверку?
    проверку - noun, accusative of проверка.
    проверьте - verb, imperative of проверять

    Why из тех is needed in the 3rd sentence?
    To make the statement more clear. To imply that you mean not any street in the world but the streets which are located in St. Petersburg. But I'm going to second Боб Уайтман that the sentnence is better off if rephrased

    Well, I used к Турцие in the 5th sentence because I thought that к Турцие states the seas are located around Turkey. Like they cover around it rather than stating they are in Turkey.
    Hmm, I still don't get it completely. What do you mean? That the seas surround Turkey or that they border Turkey, or perhaps that they are located throughout Turkey? Anyway, let's take a look at each of those variants

    The seas surround Turkey:

    Моря, окружающие Турцию, очень красивые or Моря, которые окружают Турцию, очень красивые.


    The seas border Turkey

    Моря, граничащие с Турцией, очень красивые or Моря, которые граничат с Турцией, очень красивые.


    The seas are located throughout Turkey.

    Моря в Турции очень красивые or Моря, (которые раскинулись) раскинувшиеся по всей Турции, очень красивые or Моря по всей Турции очень красивые
    impulse likes this.
    I do not claim that my opinion is absolutely true.
    If you've spotted any mistake in my English, please, correct it. I want to be aware of any mistakes to efficiently eliminate them before they become a habit.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by impulse View Post
    немного/несколько
    I hope you know there are countable and uncountable nouns. In English, countable nouns are used with "many" (many houses, many cars, many people) and uncountable nouns are used with "much" (much water, much sugar, much attention, much practice) etc.

    So, to answer your question:

    With uncountable nouns, only "немного" is possible, "несколько" does not fit:
    немного воды, немного сахара, немного внимания, немного опыта.

    The uncountable nouns are used in Genitive Singular after "немного".

    With countable nouns, "несколько" suits well:
    несколько домов, несколько машин, несколько человек, несколько слов, несколько букв.

    Sometimes "немного" can be also used with them: "я купил немного яблок".

    It is more difficult to say why "немного яблок" is better than "несколько яблок". But both are possible.

    So, when in doubt, better stick to "несколько" with countable nouns.

    Yes, and countable nouns are used in Genitive Plural.

    An addition on немного/несколько.

    I thought about the case with apples: "немного яблок" vs "несколько яблок". Here's what I think:
    "несколько" assumes separate items (2-3-4-5, sometimes more). So, "я купил несколько яблок" is understood as if you bought just a few apples.
    "немного" considers the total quantity as a single mass. So, "немного яблок" can mean 500 g or 1 kg etc.
    That's why "немного яблок" is usually better unless you really mean 2-3 pieces (then "несколько" is preferred).
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  10. #10
    Paul G.
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    Some patterns
    adverbs:
    a few, several = несколько
    a little, few = мало, немного

    A town has few streets = Город имеет мало улиц
    A town has a few streets = Город имеет несколько улиц

    About "there is/are". We don't use this pattern. So, when you translate some sentences with "there is/are/was/were", you should determine is "there" an abstract pronoun or it means a specific location/direction.

    Look at this example: There are a lot of streets in the city = В городе много улиц
    Literally it means "Там [есть] много улиц в городе". Although it pretty understandable and grammatically correct, it sounds very akward. So, if you need to translate such phrase, you have to place the words meaning location at the beginning and omit "there".
    There were a lot of streets in the city = В городе было много улиц

    Now look at this one: He was there when we came = Он был там, когда мы пришли
    In this example "there" implies a specific location, a place where the persons are situated.
    Another one: I'm going to go there tomorrow = Я собираюсь пойти туда завтра
    Here "there" means direction, so you should replace it with "туда". Thus, "there and back" means "туда и обратно", because it implies direction.

    "Пойди туда, не знаю куда, принеси то, не знаю что". That's your homework, try to translate it into English.
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  11. #11
    Почтенный гражданин impulse's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the explanations. I will try to remember all those rules. However I am under a vast amount of information bombardment and I sometimes forget about them. But I try my best to remember them all. But I need time to really be able to use them all correctly

    @Paul here is my answer to my homework: Go there, I do not know where, bring something, I do not know what
    Иди и учи русский!

  12. #12
    Завсегдатай Throbert McGee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by impulse View Post
    "Go there, I do not know where, bring something, I do not know what"
    By the way, Impulse, this phrase happens to be the title of a really excellent Russian сказка (fairytale): The Tsar falls in love with the beautiful wife of a young soldier in the Tsar's army. In order to get rid of the soldier and steal his wife, the Tsar gives him an impossible command: "Пойди туда, не знаю куда, принеси то, не знаю что" -- and if the soldier fails, they'll chop off his head!

    What the Tsar doesn't know is that the soldier's beautiful wife is, in fact, a powerful sorceress. (Even SHE doesn't know the answer to the riddle, but she does know the right people to ask -- which is often the most important thing...)


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    Here is modern interpretation of the fairytale - Про Федота стрельца, удалого молодца - YouTube
    But language is rather hard

  14. #14
    Paul G.
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    "Про Федота стрельца, удалого молодца" is indeed one of the best modern Russian poems. It's full of excellent humor. The author, Leonid Filatov, was a Soviet and Russian actor, poet, director. He had amazing feeling of Russian. Unfortunately, he died in 2003 at the age of 56.

  15. #15
    Почтенный гражданин impulse's Avatar
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    Иди и учи русский!

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    Moderator Lampada's Avatar
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    impulse likes this.
    "...Важно, чтобы форум оставался местом, объединяющим людей, для которых интересны русский язык и культура. ..." - MasterАdmin (из переписки)



  17. #17
    Почтенный гражданин impulse's Avatar
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    Thanks but the text tp the bilingual text does not work. Could you please copy and paste it here?
    Иди и учи русский!

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    Moderator Lampada's Avatar
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    JOKER

    Believe it or not, once there lived soldier Fedot, and this is the tale of the daring fellow. He was neither handsome nor a fright, neither wealthy nor hard up, neither ragged nor dressed up, neither pale nor ruddy-faced, he was so-so, quite commonplace. Fedot's mission was hunting and fishing. The Tsar had fish and game, Fedot had thanks and that was his gain. The Tsar's palace was crammed with travellers. One was a Greek, another Hawaiian, a third was a Swede, and they all needed a feed! One wanted lobsters, another wanted oysters, a third wanted a prawn while the catcher was only one.
    One day Fedot was ordered to come to the court. The Tsar was the shrimp of a man, his head like a little onion, while his malice could fill the whole palace. He looked at Fedot as if to say: "I can't stomach you anyway". Out of dread Fedot turned wet, his ears started ringing, his guts gave way, and here's the beginning of the tale, so to say.
    TSAR
    The British envoy has come for
    Our refreshment after night before,
    While we only have to eat
    Stale bread, a bone... and that's it!
    You must go and bring some food,
    Something special, something good,
    Say, a partridge, or a grouse
    Or whatever, from the wood.
    If you can't do that, my dear,
    I shall have to execute you, hear?
    It's a matter of importance,
    A state affair, is it clear?
    FEDOT
    Yes, of course, I understand,
    I'm wise enough for that,
    A stupid bumpkin I'm not,
    And I do know what is what.
    Well, as far as I can see,
    I make all the policy,
    If I fail to shoot a grouse,
    There will be a war on us.
    To content the British guest
    I shall do my double best,
    Even at the cost of life
    I'll procure some food-stuff.
    JOKER
    The Tsar's word is as firm as wood: if he says: "go bear hunting", you will go bear hunting. What else can you do? You just have to! Fedot had covered the ground of a hundred of woods and bogs around. Alas, there was neither a partridge nor a grouse! He was all in, dog-tired, and it was almost night. He had nothing in the bag, yet it was time to go back. Suddenly, as if in a vision, he saw a bird, a little wood-pigeon. It didn't try to hide showing no sign of fright.
    FEDOT
    What affliction! What a shame!
    There isn't any trace of game.
    Pr"haps that"s the bird I have to shoot,
    It's at least some kind of food!
    They say pigeon meat is bad,
    I should not agree with that,
    When you have it with a sauce
    It's like a grouse, or not worse.

    PIGEON
    Please, don't hurt me, dear Fedot,
    It's quite worthless, is it not?
    Just one bird is not enough
    For a dish or pillow stuff.
    Your foreigner might like to eat
    Some kind of very special meat,
    Whereas my meat's just enough
    To make a wild cat laugh.
    FEDOT
    Is the goblin somewhere here?
    Are these tricks of the evening air?
    Is there anything the matter
    With my eyes or with my ear?
    Has the Tsar decreed
    That pigeons
    Should now speak
    Like human beings?

    PIGEON
    Don't do wrong to me, Fedot,
    Take me home, and you know what:
    When you bring me to your chamber
    I shall be your destined lot!
    I shall sew and wash and cook,
    Never give you a rebuke,
    I shall keep the house clean,
    And I'll play the violin!
    FEDOT
    What a story, what a gag!
    All right, get into my bag,
    When we get home I'll find out
    What this trick is all about!
    JOKER
    Fedot brought the bird to his room and sat there hanging his head, filled with gloom. He was really sad, and there was a reason for that. His game hunt hadn't come off, and it was no joke - the Tsar would chop off his head right off. So he sat in grief"taking his leave with the whole wide world. He remembered the vision of the little wood-pigeon. He looked up and, instead of the bird, he saw a young woman in the middle of the room, a maid full of splendour, so gracious, so slender!

    MARUSYA
    Hello, Fedya, from now on
    You and I will get along,
    I'm Marusya, your good wife,
    Or should I say, your better half.
    Why are you silent? Have you got
    A bone or something in your throat?
    Maybe, you don't like my head-dress,
    Or, maybe, you dislike my coat?
    FEDOT
    There is nothing I won't do
    To admire you and be with you,
    But I don't think that I can
    Marry you and be your man.
    See, this morning I was called
    To the Tsar, and I was told
    To get, you know' a sort of a grouse
    'nd bring it to the Royal house.
    Though it's not a hunting season
    With the Tsar it's hard to reason,
    Then I thought, all right, a grouse
    Is not a bison, so it's easy.
    I have tramped the woods all day
    But was out of luck today:
    There was not a single game bird,
    Nothing good came in my way.
    So there isn't any chance
    That I go out for a dance,
    When I see the Tsar tomorrow
    He'll chop of"my head at once.
    Without my head... , well, I don't think
    That I'm good for anything,
    For it's my mind that makes the meaning
    And the essence of my being!
    MARUSYA
    Now, don't worry, don't complain!
    You will have the meals and game.
    Stand before me, Frol and Tit,
    Get immediately what we need!
    (Marusya claps her hands, and two burly fellows appear in front of her.)
    Do you hear what I say?
    Go and do it without delay.
    FELLOWS
    You don't have to doubt us,
    We have done it many times!

    JOKER
    Meanwhile the Tsar and the envoy are sitting at the table. Look, who's there to join them! Yes! It's the Nursemaid and the princess! All are waiting for the game Fedot promised to obtain. Now the table is empty - no meal. There are cabbages and dill, parsley, carrots, roots of beet, and that's all there's to it.
    The guest looks bored; he sits dangling his foot and watching the holes on the table cloth. The Tsar is boiling hot, swearing and cursing Soldier Fedot. Suddenly, - oh my! - as if from the sky, there come a loaf"of bread and an apple pie, a bucket of caviar, stewed turkey, giblets, sturgeon soup, fishes and a thousand more of such-like dishes. With dainty like that, isn't it nice to have a chat?
    TSAR
    I am interested in
    Your technology of seedin':
    Do your farmers skin the swedes
    When they plant them in the fields?
    ENVOY
    Yes.
    TSAR
    I'm interested in
    Your daily eating routine:
    Do your people have their cocoa
    With or without saccharine?
    ENVOY
    Yes!
    TSAR
    Then there's another thing
    That I'm interested in:
    Do your women wear knickers,
    Sort of underwear, I mean?
    ENVOY
    Yes!
    NURSEMAID
    Are you crazy? Shame on you!
    Think whom you are talking to!
    Women is the subject you
    Turn all conversations to!
    TSAR
    Will you shut up, be so kind.
    If you don't, I'll jail you, mind!
    It's not an idle talk, you see?
    It's my foreign policy!
    Look, she's quite a big lass
    But she is as thin as a lath!
    So I'm thinking, if we can
    Marry her to this here man.
    To entice him we must act
    Very cautiously, with tact,
    Talking round, making hints,
    Trying not to hurt his feelings.
    NURSEMAID
    Not even I - not for your life! -
    Would really want to be his wife,
    All he has in mind is try
    And swallow something on the sly!
    "Yes"is all he is repeating,
    While he never ceases eating,
    Close your eyes, and he'll devour
    Hal"of Russia, at one sitting!

    TSAR
    Keep your mouth shut, my dear,
    Or I'll kick you out of here.
    You have scared all the envoys,
    All the aliens, as it were.
    There was a Spanish grandee,
    He was a fop! A real dandy!
    Bedecked with diamonds, he made
    A perfect party for our maid.
    What you did you sat our friend
    Down on a nail, "by accident".
    Consequently the guest has
    A strong bias against us.
    NURSEMAID
    I remember that Spaniard,
    I recall he ate like mad,
    He was so absorbed in eating
    That he smudged his bow in fat.
    No matter what you asked him he
    Would keep parroting: "si, si"
    While he would indulge in eating
    Our herring ivashi!
    TSAR
    Stop it now! Or you'll wind up
    Rotting in a prison camp!
    I'm quite serious!.. Don't think
    That I 'm talking tongue in cheek.
    The German baron that we knew
    Was good from every point of view.
    Yet you did your best to hurt him
    And offend him, didn't you?
    Wasn't it you who worked him up,
    By putting a mouse in his cup?
    You are a wicked, vicious woman,
    A god damn treacherous thing, a vermin!
    NURSEMAID
    Well, your baron was quite good,
    Good at eating our food,
    Put him in a flock of ravens,
    He will fight them like a brute!
    Looking proud, talking big,
    He's voracious like a pig.
    He would even gobble hay
    If he didn't have to pay!
    TSAR
    You just wait, there's every reason
    To deliver you to prison.
    I'm not cruel, but I've no use
    For you spies and evil doers!
    Tell me, are there any ways
    of marrying of"our princess?
    Don't you know, there aren't many
    Eligible men among her friends ?
    If there were a legion around,
    You could argue, there"s no doubt,
    But there isn't, so we have to
    Pick what there's to be found.
    PRINCESS
    You're Russian Tsar, it'll be fair
    If you mind your own affair,
    How I live and whom I love
    Are the matters of my care.
    The house swarms with attaches,
    There's a lot of them upstairs,
    I can't bear any longer
    The smell of their after-shaves.
    TSAR
    Love is blind... If that is true,
    You will love the envoy, too.
    And along with that you'll set
    My worsened foreign trade straight!
    It will do to our good,
    I shall sell of hemp and wood.
    All the public give consent,
    You're the only one who wouldn't!
    PRINCESS
    You may frown and complain,
    Yet I'll say it to you again,
    As an individual I have
    Rights for free marriage and free love.
    Maybe, I would give consent
    And get married in the end,
    If it were Fedot the soldier
    Who would offer me his hand.
    TSAR
    Silly girl, you hold your tongue!
    Don't you know where you belong?
    Go and lock up in your room,
    Learn your sol-fa, get along!
    As for scoundrel Fedot,
    The vicious rogue, I'll tell you what:
    I shall whip him, drive him out
    of the palace with a rod.




    JOKER
    The Tsar had a General whose occupation was gathering information. Like a hunting hound, he would sniff around in search of a suspect in a city crowd. He would put down all he heard in town; and then, at exactly seven, he would come to the court to give his report.
    TSAR
    General, you're feeling blue.
    Is it quinsy or the flu?
    Or you've drunk too much of beer,
    Or you've lost at cards, have you?
    Or your army is too small,
    Or you do not want to serve at all,
    Or you've found some defects
    In a cannon tube or cannon ball?
    Tell me openly, don't lie,
    What is it that makes you sigh?
    I should like to know in detail
    When and where and what and why!
    GENERAL
    Well, I went to see Fedot
    The other day, and you know what:
    When I saw his charming wife
    I fell down on the spot.
    It's two days, upon my word,
    That I haven't touched the sword,
    There's nothing left for me but sigh,
    I'm afraid, I'm going to die.
    Yesterday, I will confess,
    I made a sin: I wrote a verse,
    The doc is scared for my brains,
    It's a shock of love, he claims.
    TSAR
    The soldier must be gotten rid of.
    Didn't he know that I'm widowed!
    As for this insidious man
    Wipe him out, if you can,
    Grind him out so that he
    Mightn't hang around here!
    GENERAL
    To kidnap her I've got wits,
    But think of people in the streets,
    When they learn it's your idea
    They will tear you to bits.
    People are quite bold today,
    They will show their teeth, won't they?
    You and I dislike the soldier
    But they're all the other way!
    TSAR
    Are you such a fool all days
    Or is it just on Saturdays?
    Must I tell my minister
    Everything in every case?
    To prevent the vicious tongues
    You must act on legal grounds,
    Or, in other words, just try
    And do it... on the sly!
    I for one give you my word:
    You will have a good reward,
    Our smiths have been assigned ,
    To forge medal for you, mind!

    JOKER
    Almost two days the General racked his brains brooding over the plan how to get rid of the soldier-man. But his brain had cracked under strain. He thought again and again but all was in vain. Then, on loose end, he remembered his old friend, Yaga the Bony Leg whom he could beg. "Gotta get 'er, she knows better". She was in the forest gathering herbs, making poisons. When she saw the friend of hers she lost all her plants and herbs. She felt lonely indeed in the wood without her kindred!..
    OLD WITCH
    You are not yourself"today,
    Looking pale, struck with dismay.
    Are the Turks approaching Moscow,
    Or the Swedes stand in your way?
    Have this aspen bark, a bit,
    It will do you good indeed,
    After all, it isn't nitric,
    It's a gift of nature, isn't it?
    The aspen juice, my General,
    Has got a healthy mineral,
    No General has died from it,
    Just have a taste, and you'll be fit.
    GENERAL
    Lay off, woman, I'm not ill,
    Let us step across the hill,
    Scare away those hedgehogs, squirrels,
    I must talk to you, it's serious!
    There's a soldier, Fedot by name,
    He thinks he's got too much brain,
    I was told the other day
    To put him out of the way.
    How? By cutting of"his head?
    There'll be a noise, I'm afraid.
    Can you give me your advice
    As to how to make him dead?
    OLD WITCH
    Magic, magic, you know what,
    Three are here, yours are not,
    Ace of diamonds, oaken coffin,
    Tell me all about Fedot...
    Well, if he's so prompt and smart
    As to dare disregard
    Our sovereign, let him get,
    By tomorrow, a golden carpet.
    It has got to have a grand
    Map-like view of the whole land.
    If he doesn't make so bold,
    It will be his own fault.
    GENERAL
    What a woman! What a skill!
    That's the end of my ordeal!
    You could be a politician
    And hold a minister's position!
    With the foes we must take care,
    There's always trouble in the air,
    I would join you on a mission,
    Take you with me anywhere.
    I can pay you back, I think,
    Marten, beaver - anything!
    If you want, I'll give you coins,
    Gold or silver - it's your choice.
    OLD WITCH
    Keep us without sin this day,
    Better put your coins away,
    I'm not doing it for money,
    I enjoy it, so why pay?
    Should you have some trouble again,
    Come, don't treat me with disdain,
    After all, I'm not a beast,
    I will always soothe your pain.

    JOKER
    Soldier Fedot is summoned to the court. The Tsar is as cross as two sticks, even before he speaks. He moves around, stamping the ground, rolling his eyes, in short, he tries to assume the air of threatening terror.
    TSAR
    By tomorrow you must get
    A carpet of a spun gold thread,
    Try and do it for all you're worth,
    It's a state affair, don't forget!
    It has got to have a grand
    Map-like view of the whole land.
    'cause from my balcony I see
    Nothing. Do you understand?
    If you don't fulfil the task
    And don't do as you are asked,
    I shall have to hand you in
    To the butcher in the mornin'!
    JOKER
    FEDOT went home numbed with gloom. He sat down in the corner of the room, staring at the ceiling, his eyes tearing. Marusya offered him a snack but he put up his back; he wished nothing, just sat frowning and sobbing, looking black.
    MARUSYA
    Tell me, why are you so angry?
    Why don't you eat, you must be hungry.
    Is the porridge overdone?
    Or the meat is underdone?
    FEDOT
    Dash it! I don't feel like eating,
    The Tsar's ferocity is killing!
    The villain knows no justice, heck!
    There's no keeping him in check!
    He has ordered me to get
    A carpet with an ornament
    Which must be as big as Russia
    With the lakes and woods on it!
    MARUSYA
    Don't you worry, don't you sob!
    Never mind the crazy snob!
    Stand before me, Frol and Tit,
    Get immediately what we need!
    (Marusya claps her hands, and two burly fellows appear in front of her.)
    Do you hear what I say?
    Go and do it without delay!
    FELLOWS
    You don't have to doubt us,
    We have done it many times!
    JOKER
    The next morning Fedot arrived at the court to show the Tsar the carpet he'd got. Out of surprise the Tsar choked with caviar. He was cross but he didn't want to show that he was. He pretended that he was as glad as could be!
    FEDOT
    I was told to get a carpet,
    As you see, I've really got it,
    Both the pattern and the colour
    Are exactly as you wanted!
    The whole of Russia is depicted
    On the carpet. You may keep it.
    It's my spouse's gift, brand new,
    She has woven it for you!
    TSAR
    You're a dodger through and through!
    How m'ny maids are you married to?
    You cannot be engaged to
    An entire weaving mill, can you?
    I know you have a wife, Fedot,
    She's the only one you've got,
    And to weave a thing like this
    One has got to have a lot!
    FEDOT
    Is the carpet not so fine?
    Or you don't like the design?
    Then I'll put it on my shoulder,
    That's the end, I draw the line!
    Lest my efforts be in vain
    I shall sell it to trades men,
    And I do not care a damn
    If it flows to Amsterdam!
    TSAR
    I would be so glad to slash
    You with a whip or with a lash,
    So that you might never again
    Play your jokes on serious men!
    But I've always been upright,
    And I'm fair, I'll give you right:
    Here's a coin for you, buy vodka.
    Now get out of my sight!
    JOKER
    The Tsar calls the god damn General. The former looks terrible, his face like a beet-root, the sign of a bad mood, for when he is red, he 's a real threat! He will beat you once, never twice, and straight between the eyes! The General knows that from his own experience, he's been wearing a band ever since.
    TSAR
    Well, my General, I imagine,
    You have missed by a small margin,
    But this margin will make up
    Five years of a prison camp!
    You're broad in shoulders all right,
    But you've grown dull in mind,
    There's a chance, at state expense,
    To restore your mental health.
    GENERAL
    You may jail me any day
    For any term, but I should say,
    Prison as an object lesson
    Will not help me anyway.
    I would rather, sword in hand,
    Fight for our dear land,
    As for these petty intrigues
    Count me out of such things!
    TSAR
    Come, your honour, be a good chap,
    Don't you get into a flap,
    Think about how Fedot
    Can be laid down without a sword.
    If you fool about 'nd refuse,
    Then don't look for an excuse;
    I shall wipe your mug, you swine,
    With this very fist of mine!
    JOKER
    The General had no grounds to rub his hands: he couldn't smash Fedot at one dash. Again the poor man's brain had cracked under strain. There wasn't a single thought in his thinking pot! He thought again and again but all was in vain. This way or another, he knew: without Yaga he couldn't do. Again he made his way to the wood where he thought he would find a bridle on Fedot.
    OLD WITCH
    Why are you so glum again?
    What's the reason, who's to blame?
    Are the Spaniards too pugnacious?
    Do the French lay any claim?
    Here's a mould drink I have made,
    Take a gulp, don't be afraid.
    It will help you to forget
    All the cares of life, I bet!
    Though it"s out of the way,
    It will cool you anyway,
    You'll be healthy by tomorrow
    If you do not die today!
    GENERAL
    It's the soldier-man again,
    He has caused me so much pain!
    That's the reason why I'm ailing,
    And I'm suffering from strain.
    The bloody scoundrel's so clever!
    He has fooled me! Well I never!
    All your magic was in vain,
    He got the carpet all the same!
    Though he doesn't seem so bright,
    He has got a keen mind!
    Next time, when you do your magic,
    Try to do it damn right!
    OLD WITCH
    Magic, magic, you know what,
    Three are here, yours are not,
    Ace of diamonds, oaken coffin,
    Tell me all about Fedot!...
    Ah-a, mm-mm... To my calls
    I've got the following response:
    Let him search and find a deer
    With the branch of golden horns.
    There's nowhere in the world
    Such a deer, take my word!
    I can tell you that for sure
    As a naturalist, my lord!

    JOKER
    The Tsar called the daring fellow to the court. Hardly had Fedot brushed the sweat off his mush, when the Tsar got a new thought. The Tsar's head whirled with ideas while Fedot had to sweat head over ears. In short, Fedot's life was all rot!
    TSAR
    Shake of idleness! Today
    You'll have to get under way,
    I'm in a desperate need of a deer,
    It's a state mission, I must say.
    If you're a loyal man,
    You will do the best you can,
    Go across the hills and swamps,
    Find a deer with golden horns.
    Don't talk back, and do not scold,
    Go and do as you are told,
    Or you'll get to know right off
    How your head can be cut off!
    JOKER
    FEDOT came home, in beastly form. He sat down by the window, snivelling, his sight dim. His charming wife clung to him, but he didn't touch the one he loved so much. He just sat shedding tears, suffering from grief, that is.

    MARUSYA
    Tell me, why are you looking blue?
    Does anything worry you?
    Has the soup too little salt?
    Has the beefsteak any fault?
    FEDOT
    Dash! To eat I'm not willing,
    It's the Tsar again. The villain!
    He will call me to account
    For the task that he has given.
    He's s more ruthless than a foe!
    He has ordered me to go
    And find a deer, and he wants
    A deer with golden horns!

    MARUSYA
    There's no reason to be sad,
    Things are not as bad as that.
    Stand before me, Frol and Tit,
    Get immediately what we need!
    (Marusya claps her hands, and two burly fellows appear in front of her.)
    Do you hear what I say?
    Go and do it without delay!
    FELLOWS
    You don't have to doubt us,
    We have done it many times!
    JOKER
    At day-break Fedot brought the deer to the court. Out of fury and spite the Tsar got a stitch in the side. He would crush the swine but he gave no sign. He sat yawning, pretending languor, hiding his anger!
    FEDOT
    You've been waiting for it, right?
    Well, I've got it, look outside!
    Did you order me a deer?
    There you are! You can take pride!
    The deer's horns, for you to know,
    Give out a brilliant sparkling glow,
    It's as bright as broad daylight,
    So you'll need no lamp at night.
    TSAR
    No such deer can be found
    In these places, nor around!
    There are three of them or so
    In Baghdad, for all I know.
    Now, you soldier, figure out
    Where is Moscow and where's Baghdad,
    Could you possibly have travelled
    To Baghdad in just one night?
    FEDOT
    Damn! You're really being funny!
    The deer isn't so fine, eh?
    Didn't you tell me yesterday
    To get one for love or money?
    If you are as rich as that,
    I'll return it to Baghdad.
    Who's the ruler there now?
    The chap will really be glad!
    TSAR
    Lay off, Fedya, and don't fret,
    Or you will lay down your head!
    I know what you're driving at,
    I see through you, remember that!
    Anyhow, to save your face
    I'll excuse you in this case,
    Here's a coin for you, buy vodka.
    Now get out of this place!
    JOKER
    The Tsar ordered to get the General straight from bed. Seized with panic, all at once, the General reached for his underpants; he wasn't at all pleased knowing it wasn't a feast. The Tsar was sitting in his throne, angry with all and everyone. He was raving, looking black as a churchyard raven.
    TSAR
    You have done your best, old chap,
    Yet Fedot escaped the trap,
    Here's the official notice
    of your death I have made up.
    First, however, I must think
    How to kill you best, you pig,
    Shall I strangle you with a pillow,
    Or just strike with a candlestick?

    GENERAL
    I have come to grief, my lord,
    You may hit me, here's the sword,
    I just want to tell you: don't
    Bother me with this Fedot!
    I'm a fool, but judge me not ,
    I'm a man of a different sort,
    I would rather go to combat
    Or take part in an assault.

    TSAR
    You are brave when sword in hand,
    But you've got to understand,
    You must overcome the soldier
    Using wisdom, and - unarmed!
    If you do all anyhow,
    As you've done it up to now,
    I shall bring you to the scaffold,
    Under axe, you scarecrow.
    JOKER
    The fool tried to think again though he didn't have much brain. He thought again and again but all was in vain. He whistled up his dogs, and of"he went to see Yaga in the bogs. On seeing the General she fled as far as the Urals, but then, to be on the safe side, she changed her mind and returned to her place, just in case!
    OLD WITCH
    You are suffering from nerves,
    There's a pimple on your nose,
    It's the politics that tells
    On your spirit and your health.
    Take this pill of rabbit's dung,
    It's been really well done!
    It's much healthier than honey
    Though it doesn't taste so fine.
    And although it isn't sweet,
    And some people die from it,
    Those who manage to survive
    Live a long and healthy life!
    GENERAL
    It's all rubbish what you say,
    You had better find a way
    And tell me how the soldier-man
    Can be put out of the way.
    Though you really tried hard
    All your tricks have fallen flat!
    Don't pretend you're hard of hearing,
    I just don't believe in that!
    You should pull your wits together,
    Try and use your magic better,
    For we must admit: Fedot
    Isn't so brainless as we thought!

    OLD WITCH
    Generally, I'm sly and shrewd,
    Or, should I say, I'm quite crooked,
    But today my luck is out,
    I can't make my magic good!
    All these days I've been in pain,
    Burning inside, all aflame,
    I've been suffering of late
    From inflammation of the brain!
    Oh my back! I'm feeling stiff!
    I think I need some relief!
    Therefore, such being the case,
    Leave me alone, I'm on sick leave!

    GENERAL
    You are ill. Well, never min'
    Eat a frog, and you'll be fine.
    Mother nature, as I heard,
    's the best healer in the world!
    You don't even think about
    Cheating me an' fooling around!
    You are wicked, so don't shirk,
    Turn your wickedness to work!
    If you don't do as you're told
    I shall draw out my sword!
    Though you're a friend of mine
    I shall make you toe the line!

    OLD WITCH
    Magic, magic, tell me what,
    Three are here, yours are not,
    Ace of diamonds, oaken coffin,
    Tell me all about Fedot!..
    Let the soldier show his skill,
    Let him get something unreal,
    Something That Cannot Be Found,
    In This World, Nor Underground!
    Now, Fedot, you're in for it!
    The idea is just brilliant!
    You will never carry out
    Such a task! On no account!
    JOKER
    Soldier Fedot is summoned to the court. Again it's a task of state significance. There seems to be no end to Fedot's torment! Meanwhile, this is by far not the resolution of the plot!
    TSAR
    Do your utmost and get me
    Something That Cannot Be!
    Write it down for it might
    Somehow get out of your mind!
    I shall tell you my condition:
    If you don't fulfil the mission,
    I shall tear you to ribbons
    For I hate your disposition!
    Cheer up, get under way!
    You must do it without delay ,
    It's a matter of state importance,
    D" you understand what I say?
    JOKER
    FEDOT came home filled with deathly gloom. Marusya dashed to him in affection, but he paid no attention. With death penalty in store, it was natural that he should feel low.
    MARUSYA
    Will you get it of"your chest?
    Tell me, why are you depressed?
    Has the salad a la Milan got

    No truffles in it, or what?
    FEDOT
    No, Marie, I love your food,
    It's extraordinarily good!
    I'm just worried that my life
    Has been ruined to the root!
    What am I supposed to do?
    Who can help me, maybe you?
    This time the Tsar ordered me
    To get Something That Can't Be!
    MARUSYA
    There's no use to worry at all,
    All I have to do is call:
    Stand before me, Frol and Tit,
    Get immediately what we need!
    (Marusya claps her hands, and two burly fellows appear in front of her.)
    Do you hear what I say?
    Go and do it without delay!
    (A short silence.)
    FELLOWS
    Sorry, mistress, we resign
    For it's out of our line.
    If we had a sketch or drawing,
    We could work it out fine!
    There's no use to search like this,
    We won't venture, don't insist,
    Where is it, something unreal ,
    Something that does not exist?
    There's no use to scout around
    For the thing that can't be found!
    MARUSYA
    Darling, don't be hard on me,
    I can't help it, as you see,
    Nothing doing, you will have
    To search for it yourself, my love!
    When abroad don't make a sin,
    Keep your mind and body clean,
    Do not enter conversations,
    And don't strike up an acquaintance!
    Take care, dear, don't go astray,
    Keep from empty troubles away,
    Eat sour cream and cottage cheese.
    Think about your health, that is.
    FEDOT
    You don't need to have a fright,
    Everything will be all right,
    I shall carry the task out
    And return home safe and sound!
    Don't lose heart while I'm away,
    Water flowers every day,
    There's a tambour, a balalaika,
    You can do the needlework or play.
    Should somebody bother you,
    You know well what you can do,
    I don't have to teach you, dear,
    The frying pan is over here!
    JOKER
    Soldier Fedot had left abroad. When the General learnt that he went totally mad. He rushed to the court to report that it was the end of Soldier Fedot. The god damn General had even made a hole in his coat for the medal he hadn't yet got!
    TSAR
    Tell me good or bad news,
    It must be the bare truth,
    Which I know is never nice,
    Yet it's better than sweet lies!
    However, if the news you've got
    Is something like I don't know what,
    I can tell you, you'll be jailed
    For ten years, you mark my word!
    GENERAL
    Your majesty, let me report:
    At break of day Soldier Fedot
    Set of"on a mission voyage,
    We've got rid of him, thank God!
    May the scoundrel rove the seas,
    A good lesson to him it is!
    You and I are now secure
    From seeing his ugly face, for sure!
    TSAR
    Nurse, hey, Nurse, will you come here?
    There's some work for you , my dear,
    I've got hairs that are grey,
    Will you tear them away?
    As for those that aren't grey
    Shape them in a proper way,
    Take it easy with the brush,
    I've got hair there, not hay!
    NURSEMAID
    What's there to brush, you dry old stick?
    Your hair is not that thick ,
    Every hair that you have
    Must be registered, I think!
    Tell me, why d'you need a wife
    Now that you have lived your life?
    I can tell you: as a man,
    Sorry... you aren't worth a damn!
    TSAR
    Well, although my hair is grey,
    I must marry anyway.
    The shah of Persia's just as bold,
    He's got forty wives, they say!
    As for me I want a wife,
    Only one, not three or five.
    Do you think I cannot make it,
    In the sense of intimate life?

    NURSEMAID
    The shah has obviously got
    Might and strength while you have not!
    You're so small, you gnat, that one
    Cannot see you under the crown!
    At your age you're not so strong
    As you were when you were young.
    Think about your health, you're over
    A hundred , if I'm not wrong.
    TSAR
    I'm over a hundred, well, so what?
    I feel young, my blood is hot!
    After all, it is well known
    That all ages are love-prone!
    So whatever you might think,
    I'm fit for such a thing,
    I'm liable to love
    Like any other human being!
    NURSEMAID
    You're one of those, my friend,
    That do not have ill intent,
    That may give an awful fright,
    Like a grass-snake, but don't bite!
    To kidnap somebody's wife
    One has got to be in love,
    Whereas you must play it safe
    Trying to escape the grave.

    TSAR
    (to General)
    Why are you silent, General,
    Rattling your decoration metal?
    Don't you see the way the nurse
    Lays the state under a curse?
    While the nurse is damning me
    The minister sits silently,
    Your first care is defence,
    So repel the enemy!

    GENERAL
    Let her grumble, I don't mind,
    Women never judge men right!
    As for you, you needn't doubt,
    You're a lover of a perfect kind!
    Your profile inspires pride,
    You're shah of Persia from behind!
    Move your crown up a little,
    Just to make a better sight!
    TSAR
    (to Nursemaid)
    Look, he's not an enemy,
    He has told the truth to me,
    After all, he's not so stupid,
    However foolish he may be!
    As for you, you only try
    To make trouble and defy
    Your superiors. I wonder:
    Are you not a foreign spy?
    If you tail on me, you rat,
    I shall see about that!
    You just wait a day or two,
    I shall have high words with you!
    JOKER
    The Tsar is on the way to Marusya's with the intention to show her attention. He sits in the coach alone stinking of eau-de-Cologne, followed by a suite, all powdered and curled up, looking neat! They are followed by carts loaded with boxes of sweets and nuts. All is right: the Tsar is going to see the bride!
    TSAR
    I gave orders that Fedot
    Should urgently go abroad,
    He is gone and lost for you,
    I've got rid of him, in short!
    To avoid a lonely life
    Marry me and be my wife!
    Why not? I'm a man of note,
    And I'm sensitive to love!
    MARUSYA
    No sooner had Fedot
    Taken the road
    Than the ravens flew in
    To his garden plot!
    TSAR
    Don't be silly, do as I say,
    Take what I lay in your way!
    Widowed Tsars don't come to see you
    In your house every day!
    Come along now! I insist!
    I shall lead you to the priest.
    If you're dumbfounded with delight,
    Sniff"ammonia, you'll be all right!
    MARUSYA
    Your Majesty, you'd better chase,
    Court and marry someone else,
    Me, I'll wait for my Fedot,
    Watch the calendar, 'nd count the days.
    TSAR
    Don't believe in rumours, lass,
    The soldier won't return, alas!
    He's somewhere in Beirut
    Eating some sort of fruit!
    Just try to see it my way,
    You're at home while he's away!
    He is gone and lost for ever,
    Sure as fate, he's had his day!
    MARUSYA
    You may beat me with a rod!
    You may smash me with a sword!
    Yet I'll never be your wife!
    Not even to save my life!
    TSAR
    Now, Marusya, don't make me cross!
    Don't let's quarrel just for once!
    I should say, the other day
    I got a guillotine from France!
    Thus I think you will agree:
    You had better marry me,
    After all, I'm only human,
    Not an iron man, you see?

    MARUSYA
    Leave the house, you wicked man,
    And give up your crazy plan!
    If you don't get out now,
    I shall help you, with a pan!

    TSAR
    Hey you, there in the doorway!
    Come and chain her right away!
    Throwing pans at Tsars! What's that?
    Is it a new trend today ?
    You will spend some time in prison
    Which will bring you, lass, to reason,
    There's no use in holding out,
    We'll get married by next season!

    MARUSYA
    You'll have to sweat like a bull
    To catch hold of me, you fool,
    Farewell, old man, you may,
    See me around again some day!
    (Marusya turns into a pigeon and flies away.)
    JOKER
    For nearly a year Fedot had travelled God knows where. He was getting anxious: time pressed urging him for actions. Without being hysterical he decided to go to America. Now Fedot sails across the boundless waves, with the sunset ahead and the sunrise behind. When he was halfway through, bad weather came out of the blue. There had been no trouble so far, and suddenly - there you are!
    The ship - Holy Jesus! - in no time broke into pieces!
    When the sea calmed down Fedot came round: he was lying on a wave, quite safe. Looking around he saw an island. He swam to the shore, it was America, he was sure! He took out a map to check it up. To his disappointment it wasn't the American continent! The Rogue Island! What a plight! Maybe, the map wasn't quite right? He sat in frustration hiccupping and brooding over the situation.
    FEDOT
    To indulge the Tsar's caprice
    I've been often overseas,
    Frankly speaking, I have never
    Seen a place as bad as this!
    What an island! Such a bore!
    Sand and stones, and nothing more,
    As far as the eyes can see,
    Not a single wood on shore!
    Though it wouldn't be so bad
    If there were food to be had,
    If I had at least goose-foot,
    I would be content with that !
    VOICE
    If somebody wants to eat,
    Welcome here, take a seat:
    I've got heaps of foodstuffs"here,
    There's a whole lot of it!
    Here's, for instance, a bread loaf,
    Have a taste, it's straight from stove!
    Here's cherry-plum compote,
    Here's turkey from the pot!
    Here's sausage, here's cheese,
    Here's caviar, if you please,
    Here is sturgeon from the Don,
    Here are Caribbean shrimps...
    (There come tables with food )
    FEDOT
    What sort of miracles are these?
    I want to know whose voice it is!
    There's no hiding place around,
    Just the ocean - and no trees!
    Master, come into my view,
    Show me what you're like, will you?
    For a guest to dine alone
    Isn't a proper thing to do!
    Don't you think, it would be better
    If we killed the time together?
    We could play cards a while, then
    Have a drink and play again!
    VOICE
    Well, I would, but my appearance
    Seems to be a bit mysterious,
    Sometimes I have a puzzling thought:
    Do I really exist or not?
    I've got troubles, I can't help it,
    I've got food but I can't eat!
    There's tobacco, I can't sniff it,
    There's a bench but I can't sit.
    It has been a thousand years,
    I'm sick and tired of all this!
    I can't hang myself", for heaven's sake
    For I haven't got a neck!
    FEDOT
    What an encounter! Oh Lord!
    I have found you! My word!
    Something That Cannot Be Found,
    Nowhere In The Whole World!
    Why should you get on like that,
    Idling about, feeling bad?
    Maybe, you and I should better
    Sail to the Russian Tsar together?
    I think a trip will do you good,
    You will get to know the world,
    Life without an adventure
    Is not life, upon my word!
    VOICE
    I'm all for it for I expect
    It's a bright and useful prospect,
    I can make myself"at home
    Even in a wild bee swarm!
    If you want me to, I can
    Go and be a quarryman,
    I shall sweat like mad for free,
    And you don't have to feed me!
    I'm jack of all trades,
    I can go through any gates,
    I shall get whatever you choose,
    Even a louse wearing shoes!
    FEDOT
    Well, what shall I say to that?
    of course a louse isn't bad,
    But it isn't what we need,
    We can't travel far on it!
    If you're intelligent enough,
    If you're smart and know your stuff,
    You had better get some craft,
    Something like a boat or raft!
    Tomorrow at the break of day
    We must be on our way,
    They must be worn out of waiting
    For us in Russia, I should say!
    JOKER
    The Tsar is not wasting time. He's receiving the envoy of a savage tribe. London and Paris have left him no chance, so the Tsar got envoys of lower ranks. Like an errand boy, the Tsar is dancing attendance on the envoy. "Here's my daughter, lad, you'll marry her, and that's that!" It was obvious, things were getting from bad to worse. Yet the Tsar was not worried. If only his daughter could get married.
    TSAR
    Good afternoon! How are you? We are
    Very glad to see you here.
    Very good! Salam aleikum!
    Buenos sera! You are welcome!
    Where are you from? How old are you?
    Are you married? Do you intend to?
    Would you like to tell our freulein,
    Tete-a- tete, a word or two?
    NURSEMAID
    You're discussing policy
    With a savage, can't you see?
    It's just three days since the envoy
    Has come down the palm-tree!
    If he wore a cap or something,
    It wouldn't be embarrassing,
    Look at him, the queer one
    Has got nothing but beads on!
    TSAR
    You're a spy, and it's a fact!
    You're talking through your hat!
    You have damaged my relations
    With all friendly foreign nations!
    I wait for visitors for years,
    And they're turned out by the nurse!
    After all, I must find someone
    Who would marry our princess!

    NURSEMAID
    Look at his face, his ugly ears,
    And the nose-ring that he wears!
    Look, his skin is speckled, too,
    Like the egg of a cuckoo!
    Frankly speaking, even I
    Wouldn't sleep with him. Oh my!
    How can you give the girl in marriage
    To such an ugly man, a savage!

    TSAR
    When there isn't any chance
    One's content with what one has!
    With regards to looks the princess
    Is far from being a bunch of sweetness!
    She"s got to marry any man,
    A hunchbacked or a speckled one
    Because even speckled ones
    Do not come in flocks to us!

    NURSEMAID
    You know he comes from wilderness!
    Look what he's eating! My goodness!
    Remember that topaz vase?
    He's devoured it! Bless my stars!
    The rascal doesn't ask us for
    Anything like mushrooms or salmon, no!
    He eats whatever meets his eye,
    From chinaware to nails. Oh my!
    TSAR
    Let it be. He is our guest.
    Bring whatever he'll request!
    We have no shortage of nails,
    Chinaware nor anything else!
    If he doesn't like fish,
    Let him eat what he may wish!
    You just see if he will bite
    At pyrites and apatite.
    NURSEMAID
    For a "thank you"they will eat
    Anything, even poisoned meat!
    The man may be quite innocent,
    Yet we must keep an eye on it:
    When you offer him some eats
    Tell him he must know the limits!
    For he may eat up his bride
    In the heat of appetite!

    PRINCESS
    To go out with such a brute?
    I should be damned, if I could!
    He is not much to look at
    And a cannibal at that!
    Even if this ugly creature
    Offered me his countless riches,
    He would not arouse in me
    Any reciprocity!

    TSAR
    You just call the envoy out,
    Have a chat, and walk around!
    You'll get used to him, and then
    You may love him in the end!
    Should the queer troglodyte
    Take a fancy to your sight,
    He will surely lose for ever
    His cannibal's appetite!
    JOKER
    More than a year had passed, Fedot returned home at last. But what a despair! The house was not there! All he found were ruins and nettle growing around. And beneath the heaves, among rafts and beams, he saw a bird, alive and unhurt.
    FEDOT
    Come on, honey, be so good,
    Lay the table, bring some food,
    Will you give me one of those
    Nicely baked loaves of yours!
    Give me your delicious shchi,
    Make it rich and thick for me,
    I've become as thin as a rod
    Eating rabbit food abroad.
    There is not a soul around ,
    Just the wind, and not a sound ,
    Is there anything the matter?
    I just cannot make it out!
    (The pigeon turns into Marusya.)
    MARUSYA
    Welcome, honey, what went wrong?
    You have travelled far too long,
    You must have forgotten me,
    It's a year since you've been gone!
    There must be a whole lot
    of entertainment abroad,
    And you must have taken fancy
    of some pretty-pretty lassie!

    FEDOT
    Henriettes and Josephines,
    I've seen plenty overseas,
    But I haven't seen a beauty
    Such as you among those queens.
    I have travelled rather long
    And I haven't gone wrong,
    I have found in the end
    Something to the Tsar's content!

    MARUSYA
    Honey, had you known before
    Whom you were sweating for,
    I can tell you, you'd have never
    Ever stepped out of your door!
    When you left, the shameless man
    Had a try to win my hand,
    Urging me to come to reason
    And be his spouse by next season.

    FEDOT
    Did he really? What a bastard!
    How can such a man be trusted?
    How can I struggle for his honour
    And be loyal to my master?
    Anyhow, I'll make him hot,
    I shall tell him what is what!
    And I'll show what I can do:
    Paint him all o'er black and blue!
    He wouldn"t dare! The way he mocks
    And makes fools of Russian folks!
    I'll take care of him somehow,
    I've got nothing to lose now!
    JOKER
    FEDOT got angry indeed; he appealed to men in the street; his neighbours decided to help him; Frol took a beam, Ignat took a bat, Max took an axe, Ustin took a bar, and of they went to have it out with the Tsar. The god damn General came stealthily out, his eyes flashed as he looked round, then he rushed to the court to give his report.
    GENERAL
    There's... what is it?.. a crowd
    of people on the palace grounds!
    So it's obvious: things are taking
    A social turn, if I'm not mistaken!
    It's Fedot who is to blame,
    He is playing a deep game,
    Setting people against you,
    Urging them to stage a coup!
    TSAR
    What about you, my lord?
    You've got such a sharp sword,
    Don't I keep you by my side
    To protect my peace and quiet?
    Some day, when two Sundays meet,
    You'll get a medal, I promise it.
    All you must do is prevent
    The overthrow of my government!

    GENERAL
    A lot I care for a medal!
    I've got heaps of them already!
    When I have them all on me
    I look like a Christmas tree!
    And I don't see any sense
    To come out in your defence,
    You have made your own bed,
    So you lie on it, my friend!

    JOKER
    The stupid rat! How dared he talk like that! The Tsar was cross, yet he let it pass for those were not the days to hit a man in the face. He went downstairs and made a strict face. He looked over the square: the whole of Russia seemed to be there!
    TSAR
    What the hell, explain to me,
    Does this all suppose to mean?
    We are not a France of a sort
    Where people sow discord!
    Who is willing to Siberia?
    One by one, come out here!
    Staying there in a prison
    Will quickly bring you all to reason!

    FEDOT
    As for reason, we are not blind,
    We all have a lucid mind
    And distinguish, thanks to God,
    Rubbish from forget-me-not!
    Tell me, why did you send me of"
    To a place no one knows of?
    Is it not because you wanted
    To get married to my wife?

    TSAR
    How did this idea get
    Into your goddamn villain's head?
    Throwing dirt at honest people
    That's what I call what you said!
    Does it befit a man like me
    To court your wife? How can it be?
    There's no use, as I can see,
    To send you out across the sea!
    FEDOT
    Now calm down, your majesty,
    We're not here for a cup of tea,
    If you quarrel, you big bug,
    I shall smash you in the mug!
    Your notorious malice spreads
    As far as Che-re-po-vets!
    In my person, ill-intentioned,
    You have spat upon the nation!
    TSAR
    Calm down, Fedya, don't be mean,
    My people are my kith and kin,
    Without thinking of them, I should say,
    I can't live a single day!
    When I eat my butter and bread
    Thoughts of the people enter my head,
    Both the caviar and compote
    Stick like crazy in my throat!
    Late at night I'm awake
    Sitting up until daybreak,
    Thinking about my poor Russia:
    "How is it, for goodness sake?"
    It's the General's dirty tricks,
    He engages in intrigues,
    And he's the only one to blame
    For defaming my good name!
    Find him now! He's over there!
    I am going to curl his hair!
    I shall tear of"his medal,
    Smash his face and call it square!
    GENERAL
    No, no, brothers, it's not true!
    I have lost my eye for you!
    You're my people, can I ever
    Be against you? Well, I never!
    I have failed and fallen flat,
    I'm sorry, it's too bad .
    I don't know, I can't, I won't ,
    I've nothing to do with that!
    I'll atone for it, I will
    Go through prison... any ordeal!
    I do not belong to those
    Who oppress you, I suppose.
    You should blame Yaga for this,
    She's the worst of enemies,
    Even dragon Gorynytch
    Cannot rival our witch!
    Come out, you old wicked mouse,
    Stand before the people's eyes,
    I can't keep from hitting you,
    With the sabre, once or twice!
    OLD WITCH
    I'm a folklore element,
    I have got a document!
    I can fly away from here
    Any time, at any moment!
    For a hot or stormy day
    People blame me anyway,
    Though I'm harmless. You know, I
    Wouldn't even hurt a fly.
    Sorry, I have gone astray,
    It just happened that way,
    Don't be strict to me, I'm only
    A child of nature, so to say!
    If it comes to that, blame these
    Two of my accomplices.
    Though I look an evil doer,
    Compar'd wi' them, I'm pure!
    FEDOT
    You're all so shrewd, you folk,
    I'm in a state of shock!
    You blame one another while
    Each of you is equally vile!
    Though we Russians feel contempt
    For severe punishment,
    Yet I'll have to try you, friends,
    For a criminal offence.

    TSAR
    Please, Fedot, be merciful!
    I'm a downright scoundrel!
    Exile me to Cherepovets,
    Or Voronezh, or Yelets!
    Only not to Magadan -
    I am too old a man,
    I'm afraid, I shall run down
    Before I get to that town!

    GENERAL
    I acknowledge all my guilt
    And the gravity of it,
    I should ask you, let me go
    And fight in a current war.
    If there's no war, I'll accept
    Prison, exile - all, except
    That I wish it were near
    The Black Sea, in the Crimea!
    FEDOT
    We shall put you in a barrel,
    Throw you in the sea to travel.
    It's not a travel first class,
    So don't expect a ship from us.
    May the ocean take you round,
    Get you to the RogueIsland,
    I will give you my accordion,
    So that you might not grow wild.
    I'm sorry, I must say,
    The accordion doesn't play,
    However, as a sign of culture,
    You will need it anyway .
    Now, my fellow countrymen,
    Keep your chins up if you can,
    After all, we are not here
    For a funeral, are we?
    We will not shed tears for once
    For it's time to eat and dance,
    Come out, stand in front of me,
    Something That Cannot Be!

    VOICE

    It is a long time that I
    Have been standing nearby ,
    Waiting for you to wind up,
    Not daring to interrupt!
    FEDOT

    Will you treat us all to these
    Lavish things from overseas?
    People may have never tasted
    Such superb delicacies!
    Bring us all that you can get,
    Marmalade and chocolate
    Finnish bacon, sausage, ham,
    Smoked meat from Amsterdam!
    Get that Swiss cheese wrapped in rolls,
    I mean the one that's full of holes.
    We shall keep it, just in case,
    Specially for gourmets.
    And if somebody wants a drink,
    Home-brew, wine or anything,
    He may have a glass or two,
    There's something to drink to!



    JOKER

    I was there and I ate caviar. Filat ate a salad, Prof ate pilaff, Ustin ate galantine. As for Soldier Fedot he had a cucumber with salt. There were cakes and ale! And that's the end of the fairy tale. You may think the tale is bad, well, the storyteller is to blame for that! I wish I could catch the fool and give him his gruel, but it's against the rule for the teller is a fool, and our people are not used to censure fools!


    The End
    "...Важно, чтобы форум оставался местом, объединяющим людей, для которых интересны русский язык и культура. ..." - MasterАdmin (из переписки)



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