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You've been in Russia for too long
You know you’ve been in Russia too long when….
* You carry a plastic shopping bag with you just in case’.
* When crossing the street, you sprint.
* You are impressed with the new model Lada or Volga.
* You hear the radio say it is zero degrees outside and you think it is a nice day for a change.
* Your argue with a taxi driver about a fare of 150 rubles ($5) to go 10 kilometers in a blizzard
* You actually know and CARE whether Spartak won last night
* You win a shoving match with an old babushka for a place in line, and you are proud of it.
* You are pleasantly surprised when there is toilet paper in the WC at work/school
* You give a 10% tip only if the waiter has been really exceptional.
* You are relieved when the guy standing next to you on the bus actually uses a handkerchief.
* You discover a new love of beets.
* You know seven people whose favorite novel is “The Master and Margarita”.
* You change into ‘tapki’ (slippers) and wash your hands as soon as you walk into your apartment.
* You start thinking of black bread as a good chaser for vodka.
* You drink the brine from empty pickle jars.
* You know more than 20 Lenas, 30 Mashas and 60 Sashas.
* Purchasing a ticket on the first attempt feels like the triumph of a lifetime.
* You are rude to people at the airport for no reason.
* You haven’t worn your sneakers for anything but offical exercise in months.
* ‘Remont’, ‘Pivo’ and ‘nalivai’ (Renovation, beer and pour some more) become integral parts of your vocabulary.
* Cigarette smoke becomes ‘tolerable’, or, if you’re a smoker, you beginning smoking at least a pack a day more than you did before coming.
* You think metal doors are a necessity.
* A gallon of milk seems like a foreign concept.
* The elevator aroma seems reassuring somehow.
* You do not take off that silly sticker on the sunglasses that you just bought.
* Your sister write to you about the best prime rib she’s ever had and you can’t remember what it looks or tastes like.
* You sit in silence on your bags for a few moments before leaving on any long journey.
* You catch yourself whistling indoors and feel guilty.
* You never smile in public when you’re alone.
* You know the offical at the metro station/airport/border post/post office/raliway station, etc. etc. is going to say ‘nyet’, but you argue anyway.
* That strange pungent mix of odors of star sawdust, sweat and grime in the metro makes you feel safe and at home.
* The word ‘salad’ ceases to have anything to do with lettuce.
* Mayonnaise becomes your dression of choice.
* You can recite in Russian all the words to all of the tampon/beer/chewing gum/coke/cell phone commercials.
* You do not leave any room between you and person in front of you in line. Ever.
* It seems normal to you that stores close for lunch.
* You voluntarily take a stroll in the park, Baltika beer in hand, on a sub-zero day.
* You are no longer surprised when your taxi drivers tells you that before Perestroika, he worked as a rocked scientist.
* You dress up in your best outfits for work/school.
* You actually laugh at Russian jokes.
And when you get home…
* You try to pay a traffic fine on the spot and get arrested for attempted bribery.
* You try to get the waitress’s attention by shouting, “Hey! Girl!”
* You look for ‘kvas’ and ‘kefir’ in the supermarket and ask to buy half a head of cabbage.
* You see a car with flashing lights and think it’s a politician.
* You forget to clear your own tray at fast food restaurants.
* You are in awe that after three days at home, your shoes are still clean.
* You get wildly offended when you are asked to pay at the coat check.
* You answer the phone with ‘Allo’?
* You feel queasy when someone tries to shake your hand over a threshold.
* Before getting in line at the grocery store, you ask ‘Kto poslednii?” (Who’s last?)
* You specify ‘no gas’ when asking for water.
* You are dumbstruck when high school or college students wait on you with a smile and display complete knoledge of the contents of each menu item.
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Originally Posted by Danisty 
