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Thread: You've been in Russia for too long...

  1. #1
    Завсегдатай Ramil's Avatar
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    You've been in Russia for too long...

    Look what I've dug up:

    You've been in Russia for too long

    You know you’ve been in Russia too long when….

    * You carry a plastic shopping bag with you just in case’.
    * When crossing the street, you sprint.
    * You are impressed with the new model Lada or Volga.
    * You hear the radio say it is zero degrees outside and you think it is a nice day for a change.
    * Your argue with a taxi driver about a fare of 150 rubles ($5) to go 10 kilometers in a blizzard
    * You actually know and CARE whether Spartak won last night
    * You win a shoving match with an old babushka for a place in line, and you are proud of it.
    * You are pleasantly surprised when there is toilet paper in the WC at work/school
    * You give a 10% tip only if the waiter has been really exceptional.
    * You are relieved when the guy standing next to you on the bus actually uses a handkerchief.
    * You discover a new love of beets.
    * You know seven people whose favorite novel is “The Master and Margarita”.
    * You change into ‘tapki’ (slippers) and wash your hands as soon as you walk into your apartment.
    * You start thinking of black bread as a good chaser for vodka.
    * You drink the brine from empty pickle jars.
    * You know more than 20 Lenas, 30 Mashas and 60 Sashas.
    * Purchasing a ticket on the first attempt feels like the triumph of a lifetime.
    * You are rude to people at the airport for no reason.
    * You haven’t worn your sneakers for anything but offical exercise in months.
    * ‘Remont’, ‘Pivo’ and ‘nalivai’ (Renovation, beer and pour some more) become integral parts of your vocabulary.
    * Cigarette smoke becomes ‘tolerable’, or, if you’re a smoker, you beginning smoking at least a pack a day more than you did before coming.
    * You think metal doors are a necessity.
    * A gallon of milk seems like a foreign concept.
    * The elevator aroma seems reassuring somehow.
    * You do not take off that silly sticker on the sunglasses that you just bought.
    * Your sister write to you about the best prime rib she’s ever had and you can’t remember what it looks or tastes like.
    * You sit in silence on your bags for a few moments before leaving on any long journey.
    * You catch yourself whistling indoors and feel guilty.
    * You never smile in public when you’re alone.
    * You know the offical at the metro station/airport/border post/post office/raliway station, etc. etc. is going to say ‘nyet’, but you argue anyway.
    * That strange pungent mix of odors of star sawdust, sweat and grime in the metro makes you feel safe and at home.
    * The word ‘salad’ ceases to have anything to do with lettuce.
    * Mayonnaise becomes your dression of choice.
    * You can recite in Russian all the words to all of the tampon/beer/chewing gum/coke/cell phone commercials.
    * You do not leave any room between you and person in front of you in line. Ever.
    * It seems normal to you that stores close for lunch.
    * You voluntarily take a stroll in the park, Baltika beer in hand, on a sub-zero day.
    * You are no longer surprised when your taxi drivers tells you that before Perestroika, he worked as a rocked scientist.
    * You dress up in your best outfits for work/school.
    * You actually laugh at Russian jokes.

    And when you get home…

    * You try to pay a traffic fine on the spot and get arrested for attempted bribery.
    * You try to get the waitress’s attention by shouting, “Hey! Girl!”
    * You look for ‘kvas’ and ‘kefir’ in the supermarket and ask to buy half a head of cabbage.
    * You see a car with flashing lights and think it’s a politician.
    * You forget to clear your own tray at fast food restaurants.
    * You are in awe that after three days at home, your shoes are still clean.
    * You get wildly offended when you are asked to pay at the coat check.
    * You answer the phone with ‘Allo’?
    * You feel queasy when someone tries to shake your hand over a threshold.
    * Before getting in line at the grocery store, you ask ‘Kto poslednii?” (Who’s last?)
    * You specify ‘no gas’ when asking for water.
    * You are dumbstruck when high school or college students wait on you with a smile and display complete knoledge of the contents of each menu item.
    Send me a PM if you need me.

  2. #2
    JJ
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    Байан.
    Gib immer 100% bei der Arbeit: 12% am Montag, 23% am Dienstag, 40% am Mittwoch, 20% am Donnerstag, 5% am Freitag ...

  3. #3
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    Yes, I always have a plastic bag with me and consider zero degrees a nice weather

  4. #4
    Старший оракул
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    ive caught myself doing a few of those (babushka smashing is first place of course )
    thought that was quite amusing!
    Не откладывай на завтра того, с кем можешь переспать сегодня
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  5. #5
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    You drink the brine from empty pickle jars
    Anyone care to explain this one? Drinking the brine from an empty pickle jar does indeed seem strange, yet I'm an American with no knowledge of Russian culture and I have done this on occasion.

  6. #6
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    It helps to get rid of hangover. Rather old remedy of this kind.
    Единственное, что люди любят давать бесплатно - это советы.

  7. #7
    Завсегдатай Ramil's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danisty
    You drink the brine from empty pickle jars
    Anyone care to explain this one? Drinking the brine from an empty pickle jar does indeed seem strange, yet I'm an American with no knowledge of Russian culture and I have done this on occasion.
    Send me a PM if you need me.

  8. #8
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    * You actually know and CARE whether Spartak won last night
    * You are rude to people at the airport for no reason.
    * You haven’t worn your sneakers for anything but official exercise in months.
    *"nalivai" ("pour some more") becomes an integral part of your vocabulary
    * You know the offical at the metro station/airport/border post/post office/raliway station, etc. etc. is going to say ‘nyet’, but you argue anyway.
    * You actually laugh at Russian jokes.
    Well, I guess I'm part Russian in that regard! I do all those things

    (Though, any officials I'd ever meet would say "no" instead of "nyet", and "pour some more" would apply to Gatorade in my case! LOL)

    Good post, Ramil! I like the ones about Spartak, toilet paper, zero degrees as a nice day, Russian jokes, beer, and the arguing w/the officials! Funny!

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    * You carry a plastic shopping bag with you just in case’.
    The truest true it is
    I don't forget to take a bag even if I intend just to walk outside.
    -- Да? Коту Ваське, бл##?
    -- Нет, Я кот Васька :-/

  10. #10
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    What could you possibly need plastic shopping bag for?

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    When I have nothing to carry, I put my wallet into it, or a book, or a pen, or my cell phone.
    -- Да? Коту Ваське, бл##?
    -- Нет, Я кот Васька :-/

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    When I was in the Ukraine (two weeks ago) I realized how useful it would have been to always have an empty plastic bag with me...

    You suddenly see something on a stand you want to buy, but they don't have plastic bags, or if they do they are so flimsy that they tear immediately. In a proper plastic bag you can put a bottle of water, a book (map, guide, whatever), your camera, your purchases etc. Remember, in Russia/Ukraine you don't tend to drive alot, but walk walk walk and ride bus tram marshutka metro!
    Hei, rett norsken min og du er død.
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    Пожалуйста! Исправляйте мои глупые ошибки (но оставьте умные)!
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    Trusnse kal'rt eturule sikay!!! ))

  13. #13
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    Why a plastic bag as opposed to just a bag?

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by basurero
    Why a plastic bag as opposed to just a bag?
    Plastic bag can be folded and put to "just a bag" or in a pocket. It consumes virtually no space and has nearly no weight.
    Send me a PM if you need me.

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    Yep. A bag is too bulky, especially when empty.
    Hei, rett norsken min og du er død.
    I am a notourriouse misspeller. Be easy on me.
    Пожалуйста! Исправляйте мои глупые ошибки (но оставьте умные)!
    Yo hablo español mejor que tú.
    Trusnse kal'rt eturule sikay!!! ))

  16. #16
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    Какая хорошая идея. Я намереваюсь пробовать носить с собой полиэтиленовый мешок. Я ненавижу то, когда я выхожу и мне негде помещать мои вещи. :P

  17. #17
    Завсегдатай Ramil's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by basurero
    Какая хорошая идея! Я намереваюсь попробовать носить с собой полиэтиленовый мешок. Я ненавижу [то], когда я выхожу [where or from where?], и мне некуда положить мои вещи. :P
    green то can be omitted.
    Also consider using собираюсь instead of намереваюсь. It's more fluent this way.
    Send me a PM if you need me.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ramil
    Quote Originally Posted by basurero
    Какая хорошая идея! Я намереваюсь попробовать носить с собой полиэтиленовый мешок. Я ненавижу [то], когда я выхожу [where or from where], и мне некуда положить мои вещи. :P
    green то can be omitted.
    Also consider using собираюсь instead of намереваюсь. It's more fluent this way.
    Red ! is optional either

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alware

    Red ! is optional either
    "Either" only goes with negatives.

    "Is... too" or "Isn't... either".

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alware
    Quote Originally Posted by Ramil
    Quote Originally Posted by basurero
    Какая хорошая идея! Я намереваюсь попробовать носить с собой полиэтиленовый мешок. Я терпеть не могу, когда я выхожу [where or from where], и мне некуда положить мои вещи. :P
    green то can be omitted.
    Also consider using собираюсь instead of намереваюсь. It's more fluent this way.
    Red ! is optional either
    ненавижу means different thing in Russian.

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