"A long time ago in a galaxy far away" (c) (Sorry, couldn't hold it)

Quote Originally Posted by Martin Miles
Long ago, in a far country, two men were playing a game of chess. Victory went to the player with the white pieces who kept his queen close to her king, while the the other lady wandered about here and there. Finally, the white queen left her husband and mated the black monarch.

Davnim-davno v dalekoi strane dva muzhchinov igrali v shakhmati. Pobeditel' bil on c belimi muzhchinami, kotoriy podzherval evo damu i korol' blizki, kogda drugaya dama khodila siuda i tam. V konetse belaya dama ykhodila muzha, i ubila chernovo korolya.

Martin Miles, Sunday, April 18th, 2010 A.D.
dva muzhchinov
- правильно: "двое мужчин" или "два человека"
Следующее предложение лучше сформулировать по-другому:
Победили белые, потому что игрок охранял короля ферзем, в то время, как черная королева бегала по всей доске. В конце-концов белая королева оставила мужа и поствила мат черному королю.

1) In Russian chess Queen is called "Ферзь". "Королева" - non-official name. And BTW "Ферзь" is masculine. It's some kind of counsellor.
2) "pieces" (chess) means "фигуры"
3) "while" in this context better to translate "в то время как" or "тогда как". May be even "пока" (though it's not very good)
4) "khodila siuda i tam" - правильно: "ходила туда-сюда".
5) "i ubila chernovo korolya" - too dramatic. In the original text it's just mate.