Thread: correct faults

Please try to read this letter.

--------------------------------------------------
Любезный cергией (?Serguei),

идет дождь все время, но больше мне нравится ливень.
Брат сталкивается с проблемом наиважным. Я попыталась помогать напрасно. Я уже устала.
Наконец подруга-нибудь (? a nonspecific girlfriend) связалась со мной успешно. на время Я был по-настоящему растрогана (?).
Сюзана скоро переезжат(?) из Рима в Тайване(?). Никак Я не еду к ней в гости.
Я еще не вижу пустыню и красивую природу. к тому же лишь бы встречалась с тобой, без пользы, ты знаешь (? You know)-… новая мечта вернуться на мое началу (?origin).
тебе надоела Я? Очень/чудо как занятой ты? (I remember there is another way to express “very busy”, could you tell me?)
Действительно Я знаею, что ни о чем хочу говорить тебя ни почему написала это письмо. все же понимаешь ли ты?
Да, как поживаешь?

.................................................. .

This is the first time I wrote in Russian. I know there are plenty of mistakes in this letter. Could someone please correct and explain them to me? Thank you.
I doubt if my Russian is understandable.

Hello, hello Dove!
Unfortunately, you were unlucky today. Friendy and other Russians aren't online right now. So you get a Pravit correction! If it helps any, you can imagine that a very rich young hot single man with an exotic name is correcting you.

Любезный cергией (?Serguei),

Is he your lover or close friend? If not, just say Привет, Сергей! or so on.

идет дождь все время, но больше мне нравится ливень.

I interpreted this sentence to mean "It's raining all the time, but I like downpours better." This confuses me. You have to like something(that isn't a downpour) in order to like downpours better. But let's rephrase it such:
Все время идет дождь, но мне это нравится.

Брат сталкивается с проблемом наиважным. Я попыталась помогать напрасно. Я уже устала.

Err....My brother has run into quite a problem. I tried to help in vain. I'm already tired.
1) What is such problem?
2) Why not explain what such problem is? Or dear Sergei will be left scratching his head...
One would think this is a problem with girlfriend, mortuary, etc. etc. But then you say you tried to help but you got tired. This throws things off. What is this problem!??!?!
Брат столкнулся с большой проблемой.

Наконец подруга-нибудь (? a nonspecific girlfriend) связалась со мной успешно. на время Я был по-настоящему растрогана (?).

Finally a girlfriend of mine got in touch with me succesfuly. I was really touched.
Wait a minute. Are you a man or a woman? I think you are a woman. So, please, you never был. You была. Понял?

Наконец-то одна из моих подруг связалась со мной успешно. Я была очень тронута/я растрогалась.

Сюзана скоро переезжат(?) из Рима в Тайване(?). Никак Я не еду к ней в гости.

To you a question: Why don't you want to go to Taiwan? It's very nice country. Relax. No terrorist bandits on roads.
Сюзана скоро переедет из Рима в Тайван. Я никак не смогла бы поехать к ней в гости/Я никогда не поеду к ней в гости depending on which you feel - I couldn't tell from the original.

Я еще не вижу пустыню и красивую природу.

Errrr? I'm confused. "I still don't see the desert and beautiful nature."
Hmmmmmmmmmmm. But it's grammatically correct as it is. But probably wrong in the way you mean it(which cannot be figured out from the letter).

к тому же лишь бы встречалась с тобой, без пользы, ты знаешь (? You know)-… новая мечта вернуться на мое началу (?origin).

Whaaa? What's more, at least I could meet with you, useless, you know - a new dream to return to my origins.
This isn't very coherent in English, so you need to rephrase it.

тебе надоела Я?

Sadly enough... This is in strange order. I think you'd only use it if you were trying to emphasise which one of his lovers he was fed up with. And, please, no capitalization of я. Maybe Тебе надоело читать мое письмо?

Очень/чудо как занятой ты? (I remember there is another way to express “very busy”, could you tell me?)

Ты очень занятой?
There is other ways of saying it, but I'm lazy and I don't remember.

Действительно Я знаею,

OOOOHHHHH! I see! You thought you had to capitalize "я" all the time! I thought you had bits of sentences floating out there...

что ни о чем хочу говорить тебя ни почему написала это письмо. все же понимаешь ли ты?

Hmmmmmm....this is how I understood it: I really know that I don't want to talk to you about anything, so I wrote you this letter. Do you understand?
I could write the translation of that, but it doesn't make any sense in English. Or maybe you were doing one of those ask-yourself-a-rhetorical-question things and meant "I really know that I don't want to talk to you about anything, so why did I write you this letter?" Of course, that doesn't make much more sense. So rephrase that and we'll get to it.

Да, как поживаешь?

Maybe you could put this at the front of your letter. Russians tend to ask this kind of "obligatory how-you-do" at the top and then they get into what they wanted to write. Of course, you could always put it at the end. But I would rather drop the да. Did you mean like a "but" да or a "so" something else?

Overall good. How long have you been learning Russian?

Originally Posted by Pravit

Любезный cергией (?Serguei),

Is he your lover or close friend? If not, just say Привет, Сергей! or so on.

Don't we start letters with дорогой or something? I must admit I always skip that bit in the book 'How to write letters' ...zzzzzzzz....

Originally Posted by Prince of Somalia

идет дождь все время, но больше мне нравится ливень.

I interpreted this sentence to mean "It's raining all the time, but I like downpours better." This confuses me. You have to like something(that isn't a downpour) in order to like downpours better. But let's rephrase it such:
Все время идет дождь, но мне это нравится.

Is it possible to just drop но? Just an idea.

Originally Posted by Pravit

что ни о чем хочу говорить тебя ни почему написала это письмо. все же понимаешь ли ты?

Hmmmmmm....this is how I understood it: I really know that I don't want to talk to you about anything, so I wrote you this letter. Do you understand?
I could write the translation of that, but it doesn't make any sense in English. Or maybe you were doing one of those ask-yourself-a-rhetorical-question things and meant "I really know that I don't want to talk to you about anything, so why did I write you this letter?" Of course, that doesn't make much more sense. So rephrase that and we'll get to it.

Pravit, probably she meant that she didn't want to talk, like over the phone, so she's writing instead .. haven't you ever felt like that?

Hi, Pravit

Thank you for your instructions.
Now, I will try to answer your questions and keep on telling you my doubts.

1: cергией- is it correct? (Serguei)

2: идет дождь все время, но больше мне нравится ливень. = (?)
I want to say "It's raining all the time, but I like downpours more."

3: Брат столкнулся с большой проблемой:
but the problem still bothers him, should I use this sentence?

4: I am a girl.

5: Наконец-то: I haven't seen this word before, could you please tell me its usages.

6: на время я была по-настоящему растрогалась.
Pravit, how do you interprete this sentence then?
растрогана: I mean to be an adjective, is it wrong?

7: Pravit: Why don't you want to go to Taiwan?
Dove: I do not know how to tell you, sorry.

8: What are the difference/s between еду and поеду?
I prefer "еду" in my sentence.

9: How to say "I still haven't seen the desert and the beautiful nature yet.
Moreover, if only I met you, no purpose, you know. My new dream is to return to my origin."

I am not sure if I will include this part in the letter, but he will understand.

10: Pravit: ...
Dove: perhaps your guess is right.

11: Ты очень занятой?
Should not "Ты" be placed in the end here?

12: Действительно Я знаею, что ни о чем хочу говорить тебя ни почему написала это письмо. все же понимаешь ли ты?

Well, I mean "Actually, I know neither what I want to tell you nor why I wrote you this letter. However you understand everything, don't you?"

13: Pravit: How long have you been learning Russian?
Dave: Nearly half year.

It will be quite hard to follow what I am talking about. sorry.
Anyway thanks a lot, Pravit.

Maybe I forget to ask some questions.

Sorry, Pravit

Forget my previous message.
That will take you a long long time to answer it.
I will work hard. Next time when I write something, I hope it will be better.

Dove, don't worry. As I said, I'm very hot young rich man. I have lots of time to waste. I'm wearing brand new Armani suit as I write this:

1: cергией- is it correct? (Serguei)

You find the answer to this question in the previous post, where I have spelled it correctly.

2: идет дождь все время, но больше мне нравится ливень. = (?)
I want to say "It's raining all the time, but I like downpours more."

This does not quite make sense in English. You like downpours more than what? It would make sense if you said "It's raining lightly all the time, but I like downpours more(than light rains)."

3: Брат столкнулся с большой проблемой:
but the problem still bothers him, should I use this sentence?

This means "Brother has run into a big problem." As for simply throwing in "But the problem still bothers [my brother]", this does not make much sense unless you explain what the problem is. Even if you have already explained it in a previous letter, this is rather abrupt. I think this would be better:
Брат все еще беспокоится о той проблеме, о которой я тебе рассказала.
"Brother's still worried about that problem which I told you about."

4: I am a girl.

Prince of Somalia's radar is never off.

5: Наконец-то: I haven't seen this word before, could you please tell me its usages.

Err, it's like a more emphasized "Finally!" Russians I talk with like to use it.

6: на время я была по-настоящему растрогалась.
Pravit, how do you interprete this sentence then?
растрогана: I mean to be an adjective, is it wrong?

There is no "я была растрогалась." I don't think растрогана is wrong, but I don't see it often - and Propp(Prince of Russian Philologists) has told me it's best to avoid passive voice constructions and find a fitting verb.

8: What are the difference/s between еду and поеду?
I prefer "еду" in my sentence.

You can prefer whatever you like, but that doesn't make it correct. Поеду is a future action that will be completed. Еду is an ongoing incomplete action.
Я никак не смогла бы поехать к ней в гости
I couldn't possibly visit her.
Я никогда не поеду к ней в гости
I will never visit her.

9: How to say "I still haven't seen the desert and the beautiful nature yet.
Moreover, if only I met you, no purpose, you know. My new dream is to return to my origin."

This passage does not make very much sense in English. What does the desert and beautiful nature have to do with meeting him? But here it is in Russian:
Я еще не видела пустыню и красивую природу. К тому же, если только я смогла бы встретиться с тобой, это было бы все-таки без пользы. У меня новая мечта - вернуться в мою родину.

10: Pravit: ...
Dove: perhaps your guess is right.

I used a dot dot dot many times, so I don't know which guess you're referring to.

11: Ты очень занятой?
Should not "Ты" be placed in the end here?

Should not you not question my judgement? If you want to emphasize that it is HIM(and not someone else) who is busy, feel free to do so. In fact, feel free to write whatever you would like.

12: Действительно Я знаею, что ни о чем хочу говорить тебя ни почему написала это письмо. все же понимаешь ли ты?

Well, I mean "Actually, I know neither what I want to tell you nor why I wrote you this letter. However you understand everything, don't you?"

На самом деле, я не знаю ни того, что я хочу тебе рассказать, ни почему я написала это письмо. Но ты понимаешь все, не так ли?

13: Pravit: How long have you been learning Russian?
Dave: Nearly half year.

Very good. By the way, my intuition suggests you're not a native speaker of English. Perhaps you would like to write the letter in your native tongue - it will be much easier to understand. I am also guessing Sergei readily understands English and/or whatever your native language is.

TO the Prince of TOEFL teachers:
I've never actually written a letter on paper, but I've written several hundred long, romantic e-mails which you'd clutch to your chest if only they were on paper . I don't know if the rules of paper letterwriting are different, but unless you are intimate with someone(for example if they are a close relative or very dear friend) you don't use дорогой. If it is someone you're on a вы basis with, you use "уважаемый" and there are probably a couple others.

Is it possible to just drop но? Just an idea.

Yes, but the way the writer sounds changes slightly:
It rains all the time, but I like it. - (writer assumes the reader will have a negative feeling about rain, so they hurry to assure them they like it)
It rains all the time, I like it. - (writer is not really thinking about the reader's reaction to the rain and is merely commenting on surroundings)
Both are correct. Well, actually, both are wrong here, because that's not what she meant.

Originally Posted by Dove

6: на время я была по-настоящему растрогалась.
Pravit, how do you interprete this sentence then?
растрогана: I mean to be an adjective, is it wrong?

Я была растрогана is quite common, I woudn't use "я растрогалась" here.

Originally Posted by Pravit

У меня новая мечта - вернуться в мою родину.

"на (свою) родину" or
"к себе на родину"
another version is: Моя новая мечта - вернуться на родину

Originally Posted by Dove

Ты очень занятой?
Should not "Ты" be placed in the end here?

Another version is "Ты очень занят?". And no, the subject shouldn't be placed at the end in that kind of questions.

Originally Posted by Pravit

На самом деле, я не знаю ни того, что я хочу тебе рассказать, ни почему я написала это письмо. Но ты понимаешь все, не так ли?

Great translation, Pravit! Sounds very natural to me.

And so the great Friendy arrives in her evening splendour to correct the correctors and wrap everything up! We are all rather delighted by your presence. BTW, maybe you can explain the difference between была тронута/растрогалась/была растрогана?

Originally Posted by Pravit

And so the great Friendy arrives in her evening splendour to correct the correctors and wrap everything up! We are all rather delighted by your presence. BTW, maybe you can explain the difference between была тронута/растрогалась/была растрогана?

Вообще-то я люблю Леню Баринова. Более того, я его уважаю. И прозвище такое я дал ему не за сущность его, а за наружность: шибздик он - маленький, чернявенький, всегда чем-нибудь напуганный. Пишет он мучительно, буквально по несколько слов в день, потому что вечно в себе сомневается и совершенно искренне исповедует эту бредовую идею хрестоматийного литературоведения о том, что существует якобы одно-единственное слово, точнее всех прочих выражающее заданную идею, и все дело только в том, чтобы постараться, напрячься, поднатужиться, не полениться и это одно-единственное слово отыскать, и вот таким-то манером ты и создашь, наконец, что-нибудь достойное.
И никуда не денешься: литературный вкус у него великолепный, слабости любого художественного текста он вылавливает мгновенно, способность к литературному анализу у него прямо-таки редкостная, я таких критиков и среди наших профессионалов не знаю. И вот этот талант к анализу роковым образом оборачивается его неспособностью к синтезу, потому что сила писателя, на мой взгляд, не в том, чтобы уметь найти единственно верное слово, а в том, чтобы отбросить все заведомо неверные. А Леня, бедняга, сидит и день за днем мучительно, до помутнения в мозгах, взвешивает на внутренних весах своих, как будет точнее сказать: "Она тронула его руку" или "Она притронулась к его руке"... и в отчаянии он звонит за советом Вале, и жестокий Валя Демченко, не теряя ни секунды, отвечает ему знаменитым аверченковским: "Она схватила ему за руку и неоднократно спросила, где ты девал деньги...". И тогда он в отчаянии звонит мне, а я тоже не сахар...

(Аркадий & Борис Стругацкие ХРОМАЯ СУДЬБА)

Originally Posted by Pravit

BTW, maybe you can explain the difference between была тронута/растрогалась/была растрогана?

I'd say they mean pretty much the same. "была растрогана" seems a little bit stronger than "была тронута"and "растрогалась" seems to be the strongest (probably because it's active) and I woudn't use "растрогалась" with the first person, sounds weird to me. I wonder if other Russians have the same impression, or is it just me.

Nice passage, bad manners. I'm mostly on Лёня's side though.

Pravit and others,

Normally all my letters will only be understood by the addressee. That's why to you this letter will make no sense at all.

speechless...

Somalia's radar? Why are not other countries radar?

speechless...

Yes, many beautiful girls are left in such a state after a lesson with me. You know, some girls say it's much easier to learn from men. Young, rich, hot ones, especially.

Somalia's radar? Why are not other countries radar?

Somalia is a world leader in radar technology, don't you know? We have even developed radar to determine gender of anonymous people from Internet.

Pravit,

Last time I forgot to thank you, sorry.
You are very interesting.
Bye.