Thread: Check song lyrics translation

(Виконт - Разговор с ангелом) This is the given lyrics of the song (not in chronological order, making it even harder to understand)
Стоял один я, молча у окна
Лил дождь стеной, всё было как всегда,
Но вот услышал за спиной шаги
Ко мне всё ближе приближаются они.
Ты кто такой и как сюда вошёл?
Холодный страх вонзился в голос мой,
А он спокойно приподнял глаза
Я ангел смерти, нам уже пора.

В пустоту, он всё падал своими руками цепляясь за жизнь
Что ты скажешь ему? на поступки свои оглянись,
В пустоту, забирая к себе души тех кто так часто грешил
И прощение просить уже поздно, ты сам всё решил.

Я ничего здесь в жизни не успел
Нет ни семьи, ни близких, ни друзей,
Я позабыл про всех, жил для себя
Любовь свою я тоже потерял.
Мне наплевать, ты просто человек
И сняв свой плащ, расправил крылья вверх,
Ты не пытался что-то изменить
И пробил час ему тебя судить.

Вернуться вновь туда, где счастлив был
Он на коленях стоя говорил,
Исправить то, что раньше натворил
Я понял всё и прежде не ценил.
Ей может хватит сил меня простить
Ты дай хоть шанс мне с ней поговорить,
Он, умоляя, опустил глаза
И встал с колен, а комната пуста.

https://soundcloud.com/mastersland-c...ovor-s-angelom

My attempt at translating into a story/non-song format in English:

I stood alone, silent, at the window.
It was pouring rain on the wall, everything was as always,
But then, I heard steps from behind,
They altogether came closer to me.
"Who are you, and how did you get in here?"-man
A cold fear pierced my voice,
but he calmly lifted (his) eyes
"I am the angel of death, it's time for us to go." -Angel of Death

In the void, he fell, with his hands still clinging to life.
"What do you say to him? Look at his actions" - Some other angel?
"In the void, taking for himself the souls of those who have so often sinned,
and to ask for forgiveness is already too late, you yourself having decided everything." - Is this even being said or is this back to past-tense storytelling mode?

I didn't manage to do anything in life here,
No family, no one close, no friends,
I forgot about everything, lived for myself,
I even lost my love.
"I do not care, you are just a man,"
and removing his coat, he spread (his) wings.
"you did not try to change anything,
and the time comes for Him to judge you." - Angel of Death

Returning again, to where I was happy,
He knelt to say
"Fix what was done." - Angel of Death
I understood it all, and did not appreciate it before.
"(She) may have the strength to forgive me.
At least give me a chance to speak with her!" - man
He, begging, looked down
and arose from his knees, and the room was empty.

Well, I'll try to correct though my English is not very good.

So:

I stood alone, silent, at the window.
It was pouring rain on the wall, everything was as always, - The phrase "Лил дождь стеной" means that the rain was so dense, as a wall.
But then, I heard steps from behind,
They altogether came closer to me. - No, the words "всё ближе [и ближе]" here translate as "nearer and nearer".
"Who are you, and how did you get in here?"-man
A cold fear pierced my voice,
but he calmly lifted (his) eyes - means he raised his glance, looked up, raised his eyes.
"I am the angel of death, it's time for us to go." -Angel of Death

In the void, he fell, with his hands still clinging to life. - To the empty space.
"What do you say to him? Look at his actions" - Some other angel? (don't understand what another angel are you talking about)- A better translation is "What can you say (or "what is there to say") to him. Look behind yourself at your actions".
"In the void, taking for himself the souls of those who have so often sinned, - To the void (empty space)
and to ask for forgiveness is already too late, you yourself having decided everything." - Is this even being said or is this back to past-tense storytelling mode? - It's a voice-over, a story-teller phrase.

I didn't manage to do anything in life here,
No family, no one close, no friends, - "близкий человек" is someone loved, not necessarily in a sexual sense, but some who is very dear to you.
I forgot about everything, lived for myself, - No, the phrase says "Я позабыл про всех", not "Я позабыл про всё". The word "всех" means people, not things. So the better translation is "I forgot about everyone", or even "I never cared for anyone".
I even lost my love. - The word "love" here means "the loved one".
"I do not care, you are just a man,"
and removing his coat, he spread (his) wings. - It's better to say "cloak", not "coat".
"you did not try to change anything,
and the time comes for Him to judge you." - Angel of Death

Returning again, to where I was happy, - To return (he asked)
He knelt to say - He was saying kneeling
"Fix what was done." - Angel of Death - No, these are the words of the man. He is kneeling and asking the angel to let him return to where he was happy and fix what he has done.
I understood it all, and did not appreciate it before.
"(She) may have the strength to forgive me.
At least give me a chance to speak with her!" - man
He, begging, looked down
and arose from his knees, and the room was empty.