Thread: Marriage... Views

Originally Posted by iamjames

Is it looked down on when a man from a country like Russia marries a girl from America?

Also... how do Russian people look at Americans? Do they over all in general think we are bad... ? I hate being American, I feel like I am looked down on, just because I live here... Its not like I like it here... I hate the culture (if you can even count what we have a "culture") and I hate Bush.... ALOT...

Liz James

Liz,

My turn to give my 2 kopeks? Great!

It is impossible to generalize or judge what is a "good" or "bad" culture. It's completely the person's own opinion, and one thing I've discovered is that most people during very difficult moments will think back and wish for the childhood memories.... pleasant memories... from their own culture. During difficult moments, and stress, people will miss their own culture, because of safety, security, comfort, foods, family and friends...in their memories, even if not reality.

Liz ... you would probably miss America and American culture very much if you joined the "Peace Corps" or missionary work, or moved to another country to work and live. This is the reality.

And it is very common among people who move to foreign countries to live to miss their home (native) country... I know from personal experience, and the experiences of my friends from different countries who move to live in other countries.

My ex-wife often felt these feelings, and she sometimes missed Belarus, her friends, her lifestyle... especially when she was stressed with the American work-style... and the difficulty in creating strong, trusted friendships (a common difficulty in American life, because most Americans frequently move for work, making it very difficult to create a group of trusted friends). She would miss things like her mother's borscht, the dacha, homemade pickles, picking strawberries near their dacha... the park and trees next to her apartment complex in Minsk... memories from her youth that gave her comfort.

I have wonderful memories of visiting a Russian market many times near our home in Maryland, because this gave her comfort and happiness, especially talking with the Ukrainian owners and other immigrants.

But she never wanted to leave America... she knew that her life was better in America, with more work, salary, chances for her. She's remarried now and very happy , but I still know that when she is sad, she sometimes misses Belarus... the dacha... the fresh strawberries... the mushroom hunts.

This is very normal for any immigrant, or expatriat, I think.

I remember when I first moved to Spain I was in paradise... I thought, "Wonderful! I am out of the 'hell' of America, and living in the "paradise of Madrid!" That feeling lasted for about 3 months, I was very busy, but I enjoyed Spanish life very, very much! Part of Spanish culture: freedom, the importance and loyalty of family and friends, the dedication to learning... and how to have a really good time almost every night of the week!

Then, as we say in America, for me "the new-ness wore off", and life, normal life... the struggle of every-day working, eating, dating, loving... losing love... difficulty in creating friendships (in Spanish culture, it is normal that your only friends are the people you grew-up with in school... but educated Spaniards will allow foreigners to become friends with time and trust, similar to Russia)... much lying, cheating and deceit, which are a normal part of the "business culture" in Spain and Spanish business... the crazy food (some good, some horrible, and if you knew what you were eating you might choke, or worse) and other things... constantly having to "apologize" to strangers, for being an American was one of the most painful problems.

The "American apology" problem was not a big problem... my Spanish, Iranian, French, Russian, German, British, Aussie, or Irish friends would normally "step-in" and protect me,,, saying "this man is a good American... now leave!!!" This usually stopped any "disagreements" in my two main "watering holes" in Madrid.

...but I began to miss America very much. I missed family, friends, food... real peanut butter!... Alaskan crab legs! ... "supermercados" (supermarkets) where I didn't have to wait in line for 20 minutes.... air-conditioned movie theaters... big stores with the most recent electronics .... many things like that.

I became tired and frustrated with the crowds of tourists with cameras, who would block me from walking down the street... tourists, some American, but others were European, who would scream, yell, be obnoxious in restaurants with questions such as, "Why can't these Spaniards learn to do things the way we do in "America"... or "Italy", or "Britain" or "Germany" ... tired of the hot, summer Metros crammed and crowded, with old ladies crying because they were being crushed by Spanish business-men who didn't care if they injured another person.

Please understand... I like Spain very much... but every country.... are you listening??... EVERY country has good and not-good parts of it culture.

I actually returned to the U.S. just recently, for a few months to finish an advanced academic degree and license, but I'll probably move back to Europe soon. Now that I'm back here in America, I am missing Europe very much. I may still decide to return to Petersburg to work, but I'm not sure yet. Several of my closest friends live in Petersburg. There are only a handful of people in the world, that I trust with my life... Sergey and Tatiana, who live in Petersburg, are two of them. I miss them and their little daughter very much.

This is a very good thing about Russian culture... strong friendship, friends, that you will trust, and trust for the remainder of your life... this is not as common here in America, as it is in Russia... but, for me, this is a diamond, a jewel of Russian culture... the ideas of friendship and loyalty ...much better than the American ideas.

But Russian culture has its difficulties also.

And I know that living in Petersburg again, wouldl cause me to miss America and American culture.

This, I think, is another problem for people who choose to work and live in foreign countries. Many people develop the "nomad" instinct (me, I have become a nomad) ... to travel, work, live... then travel again. For me, I have two distinct advantages... experience living in different countries and cultures... and I've already done the "marriage/divorce adventure!" So, no kids, no wife, I can travel and work.

Don't hate your own culture, until you have seen and learned other cultures... there are good and not-good people in every culture... there are good and not-good things about every culture. Be glad, and be thankful for what you have..

Liz ... my point is this... I sense, I think, that you haven't lived outside the United States. You may dislike the politics, you may hate parts of our culture... but until you have actually lived and earned money from work in another country... struggled and worked to earn enough money for your next meal, or to pay for your electricity, or to physically, forcefully shuffle into a Metro or bus with someone... or have cow-crap thrown on your shoes so someone can scam you into paying him so he can eat his next meal... you can never understand living in a different culture... and you can''t appreciate the advantage you've had living in the U.S.

This is NOT a criticism of life or any culture... it is the reality of life

Tourism, or a holiday, don't count.. I think a person needs to work in another culture for at least 3 months before he or she can begin to understand the different culture... and begin to appreciate your own culture (America). Maybe you will like the new culture and decide to live there forever... or maybe you will decide the opposite and run back to "Uncle Sam" (U.S.).

Both choices can happen, and most importantly... each choice is O.K.

A bit of advice... don't use the "I Hate Bush" as a "trump-card" to create friendships with people in other countries. Most foreigners are much smarter than that. I never start the "political" discussions first... I usually wait for the other person to begin the "political" discussion. There are many more important topics to discuss, much more important than politics.

Move and get a job in Delhi for a few months. Then tell me your opinion of America, and American culture. This is your task, young Padawan

Added note:
If MasterAdministrator, DDT, TATY, kalinka_vinnie, basurero, laxxy, Бармалей, and our others have thought I went "overboard"... please tell me.

On a more pleasant note, I hear a cricket chirping, outside my window... and I remember a Russian-speaker criticize me once for not knowing the Russian word for cricket...but Russian or no-Russian ... I hear him chirping, calling for his mate. Important to understand. Nature becomes universal, for each of us.

2 kopecks? thats more like

Something from my own experience... don't judge me too harshly.
It's not that a young person can't stand living in his own country whether it's America or Russia. It's rather pleasant to have something to critisize from time to time . The problem may appear if, being American (or Russian) one doesn't know how to communicate with foreigners, i.e. how to dissasosiate himself from the (partially) bad image of his motherland or - on the other hand - how to defend this image (For example, I remember myself being "too Russian" in mixed company - or being too loud of an American ).
So Liz, if I can give you a piece of advise, be responsible just for yourself, not for your country. Don't deny its advantages (oh, reading American science fiction without a dictionary! ), and why not have fun learning something new from other cultures? People won't think worse of you just because you're an American.

Originally Posted by Ataklena

Something from my own experience... don't judge me too harshly.
It's not that a young person can't stand living in his own country whether it's America or Russia. It's rather pleasant to have something to critisize from time to time . The problem may appear if, being American (or Russian) one doesn't know how to communicate with foreigners, i.e. how to disassociate himself from the (partially) bad image of his motherland or - on the other hand - how to defend this image (For example, I remember myself being "too Russian" in_ mixed company - or being too loud of an American ).
So Liz, if I can give you a piece of advise, be responsible just for yourself, not for your country. Don't deny its advantages (oh, reading American science fiction without a dictionary! ), and why not have fun learning something new from other cultures? People won't think worse of you just because you're an American.
(Sorry for the many mistakes I probably made)

basurero, thanks!

Originally Posted by DagothWarez

исчо адын топег удался

Только вернулся на форум, а уже жжот.
Чем занимался, Игорь?

Originally Posted by Rtyom

Чем занимался, Игорь?

Решал вопросы жизнеобеспечения моего тельца.

everyone I meet from other countries are gratefull to be in America, my friend Sergei from Ukraine tells me he is so happy to be able to have 2 cars,house, 3 kids and a wife.everyone tells me that America is a great place to work "all you need is uniform and pajamas". most say they wouldnt go back to thier old countryto live (they would for a visit) because it isnt the same and you cant support your self there.

I dont care where you re from, you should respect the country you re born in, as well the one you live in. America is a beautiful country you get by in many sircumstances that you couldnt if you were in another country . they re prisons that many people "cross the border" to come over here because you can live here not just get by but you can actually live.many say that here its not im starving,its not im hungry, its hey I want to have pizza today.

slavcya vasha strana! lubite vasha stranya! eta ne trudna eta ochin prosta!

sorry not to sound angry,but you need to see the world some.sure some dont like Americans but most are happy to be here, and would like to be here even if just for a short time.

listen to some patriotic music and learn some history, you are talking about hollywood? does anybody like hollywood, hlooywood mis represents America? learn about traditional American.

PS can i have your Americna money and job? i also want your American car too. I need a good job I can get you something in mexico I think

"""I'm not saying the US is the greatest country, but you should really learn how to appreciate the life you've been given."""

Dobry was that a speach? I read the whole thing, very nice, dont mind if I use that on tv some day

Originally Posted by Бармалей

That's one of the most pitiful things I've ever heard. That and the fact that the Chukchi are supposedly the "most contaminated people in the world" according to the UN.

It's not pitiful, it's sad. In a society like India, it is very difficult to work up in society, due to the still remaining caste system, though not virtually impossible nowadays. It used to be much worse. However, if you're also not offered the resources, like education, to make a better life for yourself, you will most likely remain in that lifestyle throughout your life.

In the US, you can choose your education, basically - private or public school. You can go to any university you want, if you have the brains. You can own your own property - yes, even after paying off loans. It is very easy to form a business.
The US believes in providing resources, but you have to be the one to put them to good use. If you don't use the opportunities you are given, then it's the individuals fault, which is no the case in other countries.

Originally Posted by Sir Krist

"""I'm not saying the US is the greatest country, but you should really learn how to appreciate the life you've been given."""

Dobry was that a speach? I read the whole thing, very nice, dont mind if I use that on tv some day

Actually I wrote that.

Originally Posted by MalenkayaKatinka

Originally Posted by Sir Krist

"I'm not saying the US is the greatest country, but you should really learn how to appreciate the life you've been given."

Dobry was that a speach? I read the whole thing, very nice, dont mind if I use that on tv some day

Actually I wrote that.

MalenkayaKatinka... you wrote the quote...

...but I wrote the speech he's referring to.

Thanks, Sir Krist.

I know, but he quoted what I wrote. Btw, it was well written.

Originally Posted by MalenkayaKatinka

I know, but he quoted what I wrote. Btw, it was well written.

Yes, you deserve credit for the good quote.

And спасибо, MalenkayaKatinka.

I think you miss understood me... I guess I shouldnt have said some of those things, but, I dont think America is bad, but I hate hear the midle eastern countries hating us just because we were born here. I think it is rater unfair. Perhaps I am a naive, but I dont think that the government is helping us at all. I really dissagree with that.
Well... I am female by the way, and how in the world did you find out my first name?

Originally Posted by iamjames

Я часто спрашивал себя: Почему не может любить... Прежде, чем Вы любите Вас?*
К счастью, я люблю себя. Я ЛЮБЛЮ ВАС, MARKO!

*These two phrases ("Почему не может любить... Прежде, чем Вы любите Вас?") are not understandable.

Originally Posted by iamjames

I think you misunderstood me... I guess I shouldn't have said some of those things, but, I don't think America is bad, but I hate to hear the Middle Eastern countries hating us just because we were born here. I think it is rather unfair. Perhaps I am_naive, but I dont think that the government is helping us at all. I really dissagree with that.
Well... I am female by the way, and how in the world did you find out my first name?

Duh.... You signed your very first post, Liz James.
And, if you hate America, pack your bags, and haul (Edited. L.) to Russia. Who stops you?
PS. Look at your mistakes. Instead of cursing America, you should pay more attention in school (Are you really an American?)

It's 2006; nobody cares who you marry, as long as it's a man.

Originally Posted by BlackMage

It's 2006; nobody cares who you marry, as long as it's a man.

Or, she can marry a woman, in some countries

do not express your feelings, just kill everyone that bothers you. If everyone does this, then in just a few years me and my dog will have the world to ourselves.
Thank you.

Originally Posted by Оля

These two phrases ("Почему не может любить... Прежде, чем Вы любите Вас?") are not understandable.

Предположу, что смысл следующий: "Почему нельзя полюбить кого-то прежде чем полюбишь самого себя ?".