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Thread: Please check my speech.

  1. #1
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    Please check my speech.

    Oh, I know, it's so long and boring! But... Could anyone at least read it?

    Hello, ladies and gentlemen!
    Did you ask me to tell my opinion about cigarettes and smokers? Well, I'll do it.

    First of all, I always try to minimize my association with active smokers. Oh, no, I don't have any prejudices and, of course, don't consider smokers are unworthy of my attention. But I take care of my health! Smokers poison the air around them, and other people must put on gas-masks for speaking with smokers. Gas-mask is very uncomfortable garment, isn't it?
    Of course, smokers must do their dirty deed in special places marked by signs like "Caution! Toxic air!"

    And the worst of all is a smoking girl! Imagine, you see a very pretty girl. You come to she and speak something like "Hello, today is a very nice day" -- just for meet her. But you don't hear her answer because of stunning air stream from her mouth! It's terrible! In that case even figure of Aphrodite and face of Venus can't save the girl!

    Smoking is so terrible murderous thing... and so widespread! What's the sense? Why smoking is legal in contrast to marijuana, for example? I think the first and main cause we can find in the history. Columb didn't know anything about harm of tobacco, and Europeans of his time too. Then smoking became a habit and even habit of aristocrasy. If you had enough money for good cigar, you was respected person. Afterwards cigars and cigarettes became cheaper, but the habit remained. And know we have very many dying people who are proud of their murderous weakness.
    I'm sure if ancient Indians smoked marijuana, it would be legal now.

    And in the end of my speech I want to tell about world-wide hypocrisy. All those public actions of tobacco companies like financing sports events are so unnatural and lying! Each company wants to prove that it takes care of its clients and takes part in social life etc. But really... Really a tobacco company doesn't differ from a drug-plant in northern Afghanistan! It murders people, murders methodically and cynically!

    That's all that I have to say. To smoke or not to smoke -- it's your choice. But please don't foget about people around you...
    My English isn't so good, зато с русским все в порядке ))
    I'll be very thankful, if you correct my mistakes.

  2. #2
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    Re: Please check my speech.

    Hello, ladies and gentlemen!
    Did you ask me to give my opinion about cigarettes and smokers? Well, I'll do it.

    First of all, I always try to minimize my association with active smokers. Oh, no, I don't have any prejudices and, of course, don't consider smokers ('are' not needed, because of the word 'consider'. If you used the word 'think' then yes, 'are' would be needed) unworthy of my attention. But I take care of my health! Smokers poison the air around them, and other people must put on gas-masks to speak (unless you want to use the more formal sounding "in speaking...with smokers" with smokers. A gas-mask is very uncomfortable garment, isn't it?
    Of course, smokers must do their dirty deed in special places marked by signs like "Caution!" or "Toxic air!" (Because they're two seperate signs, you need to put the "" marks around each of them seperately)

    And ('the' not needed. "worst of all" is a set phrase) worst of all, (I'm not sure how neccessary this comma is, so someone else may not use one here) is a smoking girl! Imagine you see a very pretty girl. You come to her and say something like "Hello, today is a very nice day", just to meet her. But you don't hear her answer because of a stunning air stream from her mouth! It's terrible! In such a case, even the figure of Aphrodite and the face of Venus wouldn't be able to save the girl!

    *"In that case" is a set phrase which means similar to "if that's true, then..." The concept of 'if' being important.
    eg
    "Her breath is bad."
    "In that case, I'm not going to speak with her."
    (If that's the case, I'm not going to talk to her)


    Smoking is such a terribly (I assume you do realize that this is a very strong, emotional statement ) murderous thing... and so widespread! What's the sense? Why smoking is legal in contrast to marijuana (this use of 'contrast' isn't quite right, but your meaning is successfully put across. If you say it as a statement, without the "for example" at the end, it may sound fine. eg. "Smoking is legal, which is in contrast to marujuana usgage."
    I think this may be the sentence you're looking for- "Why tabacco smoking is legal and marijuana smoking isn't, I'll never understand.")


    I think that the first and main cause, (you need a comma here, otherwise the sentence sounds incorrect. And using 'that' in the first part assures that you'll be understood) we can find in (no need of 'the') history. Columbus didn't know anything about harm of tobacco. Nor did the Europeans of his time. Then smoking became a habit and even habit of aristocrasy. Maybe you meant it like this? "Back then, smoking...". Or "As a result, smoking..." The way you have it, it could mean either. Still understandable, though

    If you had enough money for good cigar, you were a respected person. Afterwards, cigars and cigarettes became cheaper, but the habit remained. And know the word is 'now') we have very many dying people who are proud of their murderous weakness.
    I'm sure if ancient Indians smoked marijuana, it would be legal now (I think the word 'now' may distract from the meaning a little).

    And at the end of my speech I want to tell about world-wide hypocrisy. All those public actions of tobacco companies, (a comma is needed here) like financing sporting events, are so unnatural and deceitful. (I know you're being expressive here, but because of the length of the sentence, a ! mark becomes inappropriate. You could have "...so unnatural" in the main sentence, then start a new short sentence- "It's so deceitful!". Theat way, the '!' would be fine)

    Each company wants to prove that it takes care of its clients and takes part in social life etc. But really... Really, a tobacco company doesn't differ from a drug-plant in northern Afghanistan! It murders people... murders methodically and cynically!

    That's all that I have to say. To smoke or not to smoke -- it's your choice. But please don't foget about people around you...

    * A note from me. I don't think all the '!' marks are neccessary to put across that you feel strongly about this and that you are angered by it all. But, I do believe it is a personal preference, so I won't say you 'shouldn't' use as many as you did.

    It looks a bit messy with all my bold black typing. But don't worry, all of your setences were understandable. My explanations just make it look bad. They were almost all just minor mistakes that didn't prevent you from being understood.



  3. #3
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    Here are a couple if things.

    But you don't hear her answer because of a stunning air stream from her mouth!
    But you don't hear her answer because of a stunning stream of smoke from her mouth!

    I'm sure if ancient Indians smoked marijuana, it would be legal now.
    I'm sure if ancient Indians smoked marijuana, it would be legal by now.

    Afterwards, cigars and cigarettes became cheaper, the habit remained.
    Nowadays, cigars and cigarettes have become cheaper, and the habit has remained.
    or maybe
    Cigars and cigarettes have now become cheaper, and the habit has remained.

    And in the end of my speech I want to tell about world-wide hypocrisy. All those public actions of tobacco companies like financing sports events are so unnatural and lying!
    And at the end of my speech I want to tell you about the world-wide hypocrisy. All those public actions by tobacco companies, like financing sporting events, are so unnatural and deceitful.

    Though gramatically correct, it is too wordy. I would say something like:
    Tobacco companies are creating a world-wide hypocrisy by financing many public events and sporting events to promote smoking.

    "And in the end of my speech I want to tell about" does not give any useful information.
    Какая разница, умереть богатым или бедным?

    Какой толк от богатства если ты не счастлив.

  4. #4
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    brett, kwatts59, thank you very very much!
    My English isn't so good, зато с русским все в порядке ))
    I'll be very thankful, if you correct my mistakes.

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