"Only in America:

a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
there are handicap parking places in front of our skating rinks.

drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a Diet Coke."

banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

every single toaster has a setting so high it burns the toast to a terrible crisp which no decent human being would eat.