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Thread: asking for corrections

  1. #1
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    asking for corrections

    Could someone please correct this sentence if it has mistakes and/or sounds unnatural? Thanks.

    (talking about a photo in which there is a frozen river):

    I risk drowning under that ice sometimes because there is a bathhouse on the opposite side of the river, just opposite my house, and I am always so lazy to fetch a compass walking through the bridge which is 20 minutes to get to... So every time I'm going to go to the bathhouse, and the river is frozen over, I think, "why don't I go on the ice today? I should try one day after all."
    In Russian, all nationalities and their corresponding languages start with a lower-case letter.

  2. #2
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    Re: asking for corrections

    "I risk drowning under that ice sometimes, because there's a bathhouse on the other side of the river just opposite my home. I always feel too lazy to get to it by the bridge, which is 20 minutes away, so whenever I go and the river is frozen, I always think "why don't I cross the ice today - after all I should to try it some day".

    I didn't know what you meant about the "compass" so didn't translate it. We'd walk over a bridge rather than through it.

    Hope that helps.

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    Re: asking for corrections

    Quote Originally Posted by Derek
    I didn't know what you meant about the "compass" so didn't translate it.
    In Russian, we say "делать крюк" (maybe "make a big detour"?)
    In Russian, all nationalities and their corresponding languages start with a lower-case letter.

  4. #4
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    Re: asking for corrections

    I risk drowning under that ice sometimes because there is a bathhouse on the other1 side of the river, just opposite my house, and I hate having to take a detour2 over the bridge, which is 20 minutes away... So every time I go to the bathhouse and the river is frozen over I think "why don't I go on the ice today? I should try it one day, after all."

    1 - I changed "opposite" to "other" to get rid of the repitition. They're synonymous in this context.

    2 - I changed "I am always so lazy to... " to "I hate having to..." because it's clear from the final sentence that you do actually go over the bridge. "I am always so lazy to..." makes it read as if you always go across the ice.

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    Re: asking for corrections

    I have some doubts about "I risk drowning under that ice sometimes". Did you really mean "Иногда я рискую..."? Okay if so, but the last sentence leads me to believe that you keep thinking about walking across the ice, but have never actually done it. If you meant something like "Я рискую когда-нибудь утонуть", then I think you should say "I may drown under that ice one day (or sometime)."

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    Re: asking for corrections

    I've rephrased the original:

    When I think of crossing the frozen river in front of my house, I'm always struck by the possibility of falling through the ice and drowning. To get to the bathouse opposite my house on the other side of the river I have to walk 20 minutes to the bridge, but I am very lazy and always ask myself, "why don't I just want to walk across the ice?" I should really try it some day.

    The phrase "drowning under the ice" sounds odd, almost redundant. If you were to drown in a frozen river, it would be understood that the drowning would take place under the ice.
    Кому - нары, кому - Канары.

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    Re: asking for corrections

    Quote Originally Posted by translationsnmru
    If you meant something like "Я рискую когда-нибудь утонуть", then I think you should say "I may drown under that ice one day (or sometime)."
    Yes! I meant that! Of course, "sometime", not "sometimes"! Thank you.
    In Russian, all nationalities and their corresponding languages start with a lower-case letter.

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