We all know the real reason you are here is to either try out for spetsnaz, pick up russian chix while disko dancing, or become a gangster.
The first two have been discussed endlessy, so, now, my guide, for you, from the original russian gangster "Догги".

Урок 1. Shorten everyday words almost beyond recognition. For example.

Сёдня - Сегодня. Example.

Как вечера, санёк ты сёдня проиграл!

2. Give guys girly names, and girls, guy names. For example
Мой брат, димка
моя сестра, натик

3. Nomatter where, or when you are shot, it is never a bad time to ask for a попирос

4. Always carry a Пишка.

5. Insult your family, who does nothing but try to help you out.
~мама приготовила завтрак который застревает в горле.

6. Use the word Бл**ь every other word and sound like a complete moron.
Ты чё бл**ь? не понял бл**ь ? я сказал отпусти его бл**ь !

7. You need to shave your head untill 100% Лисый, get a крутой player, and some наушники, and a sweet leather jacket. Once you master all of these skillz, and buy your gear, you are ready to walk around the town (yes walk, russian gangsters walk everywhere. Unless you would like to use the electrichka, or steal a БУМЕР) scaring anybody and everybody untill you get sent to spetsnaz camp to get your life straight.

~Урок закончилась~