Thread: Russian Police

Can anyone tell me in one go all i need to know about the Russian police? I know they are stern, apparently they stop you and stuff, and what's all this about number plates? Sorry, i'm just confused. Also, what about visas???

Thanx in advance.

VendingMachine is a Russian policeman. Maybe he can tell you more.

Originally Posted by Stefani

Can anyone tell me in one go all i need to know about the Russian police? I know they are stern, apparently they stop you and stuff, and what's all this about number plates? Sorry, i'm just confused. Also, what about visas???

Thanx in advance.

Stefani, if you don't want to do time in Russia, respect our laws and you'll be fine.

Don't, I repeat, don't ever think of smuggling anything, don't counterfeit money, don't dodge your fare on public transport and don't try to phreak a public phone. And above all don't jaywalk - you may have to pay a fine (in most cases posthumously). If you're going to live in halls, resist the tempation to shop your roommate to the authorities - you may learn the meaning of the great Russian word 'tyomnaya' (тёмная) the hard way. Instead, if needs must, be the first one to initiate a "tyomanaya" on your roommate, but don't get carried away either, or chefir (чефирь) will be your favourite brew during those long and oppressive Russian winters...

Stefani, our gaols are overcrowded, I kid you not.

I admit that cops do protect, but there are corrupt ones that give russian police a bad name. Dont be publicly drunk, thats illegal, and youll pay for it. Some things you honestly cant avoid. My visa and documents were all correct and i stepped off a train in pyatigorsk in southern russia, only to be documented by 2 cops, have my passport taken in their car, and after 45 min of arguing have to pay to get it back (10 bucks between 4 of us, so 2.50 each). Things like this you cant avoid...but luckily in 5 plus months, it only happened once. A lot of the time if you can be persistant, cops will give up which I did once, so 1/2.

I spent my whole month in Ekaterinburg without ever carrying my visa/passport

everything I read tells you to, but the family I was with said this was silly, there was no need.. when I asked why, they said "you don't look chechen" when I asked how chechen's look, they said "dark"

went to clubs, museums, opera, festival.. everywhere, and always saw police, but they never talked to me.. and I spoke plain english the whole time, with my friend. the only place I needed my passport was at the ice skating rink! they take your passport so you will return their skates

Thanks everyone. Ahh mixed views. I was just wondering because i heard a lot of things about corrupt cops as stated so i was just wondering of the kind of thing they nick you for. So can you tell me all the legal age stuff, like alcohol, smoking, driving, sex etc. And how high do the penalties go?

Originally Posted by Stefani

So can you tell me all the legal age stuff, like alcohol, smoking, driving, sex etc. And how high do the penalties go?

18. You may smoke, drink, drive, be willingly engaged in sexual activities without legal implications for your partners, elect and be drafted (actually, must be drafted if you're male). The only thing that you may not at 18 is be elected.

What penalties?

I meant penalties like if you are caught doing stuff underage, what happens then, e.g. fines, jail, warning?!!

Originally Posted by okeatest

I spent my whole month in Ekaterinburg without ever carrying my visa/passport

everything I read tells you to, but the family I was with said this was silly, there was no need.. when I asked why, they said "you don't look chechen" when I asked how chechen's look, they said "dark"

went to clubs, museums, opera, festival.. everywhere, and always saw police, but they never talked to me.. and I spoke plain english the whole time, with my friend. the only place I needed my passport was at the ice skating rink! they take your passport so you will return their skates

true, in petersburg i never carried around my passport either. This was when i was traveling, and to get on a train, you need your passport....

Originally Posted by Stefani

I meant penalties like if you are caught doing stuff underage, what happens then, e.g. fines, jail, warning?!!

I don't get it - are you coming as a tourist or what?
But if you're hellbent on finding out what the penalties are, here you go (for all penalties listed below it is assumed that you are underage):

drinking under age - forty lashes (be prepared that the event may be shown on the local TV as a warning to others)
doing drugs - 60 lashes plus up to 12 months community service (emptying bedpans in a leprasorium)
driving - 3 months community service if first time offender, otherwise 5 years banged up with hardened criminals
straight sex - the man gets off with a repremand and the woman gets her clitoris surgically removed
lesbian sex - the above mentioned surgical procedure is carried out on both partners
refusing an extra helping of pilmeni at a friend's house, thereby deriding his/her hospitality (did you know they could sue you for that?) - 40 lashes and up to 8 months community service (sweeping the streets)
asking daft questions on forums - capital punishment (decapitation with a blunt axe) - usually televised across the country on state TV.

Originally Posted by VendingMachine

drinking under age - forty lashes (be prepared that the event may be shown on the local TV as a warning to others)
doing drugs - 60 lashes plus up to 12 months community service (emptying bedpans in a leprasorium)
driving - 3 months community service if first time offender, otherwise 5 years banged up with hardened criminals
straight sex - the man gets off with a repremand and the woman gets her clitoris surgically removed
lesbian sex - the above mentioned surgical procedure is carried out on both partners
refusing an extra helping of pilmeni at a friend's house, thereby deriding his/her hospitality (did you know they could sue you for that?) - 40 lashes and up to 8 months community service (sweeping the streets)
asking daft questions on forums - capital punishment (decapitation with a blunt axe) - usually televised across the country on state TV.

May I add a handful of smiles? :P

Otherwise, some people with lack of humor may treat this seriously.

That's one of the funnier things I've read this year. Thank you, VendingMachine.

Funny