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Thread: Just For Practice

  1. #21
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    Hello,
    All corrections/comments are welcome.

    Thank you,

    Scott


    V

    «Что ты будешь есть сегодня вечером?» - спросил он. «Мы будем шашлык, ты забыл?» Да, - сказал он, он спросил кто будет там. Твой дедушка и бабушка, дядя и тётя и Оксана Фёдорова. Кто это он спросил. Она бывшая Мисс Россия и Мисс Вселенная. Какая еда будет там он спросил. Говядина, гамбургеры и картофель я ответил. Я положил трубку. Моя жена спросила если я говорил с нашим сын в последнее время. Я ответил что я только что говорил с ним по телефону.

    What will you eat tonight he asked. “We’re having a barbeque, did you forget?” Yes he said, he asked who will be there. Your grandfather and grandmother, uncle and aunt and Oxana Fedorova. Who is that he asked. She’s the former Miss Russia and Miss Universe. What kind of food will be there he asked. Beef, hamburgers and potatoes I answered. I hung up the receiver. My wife asked if I talked with our son lately. I answered that I just now talked with him on the telephone.

  2. #22
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    Scott, these texts sound quite unnatural, so it's a bit difficult to correct them. I mean, even after the corrections, they don't sound fine.

    Quote Originally Posted by fortheether
    «Что ты будешь есть сегодня вечером?» - спросил он. «Мы будем шашлык, ты забыл?» "Да", - сказал он. Он спросил, кто там будет. "Твои дедушка и бабушка, дядя и тётя и Оксана Фёдорова". "Кто это?" - спросил он. "Она бывшая Мисс Россия и Мисс Вселенная". "Какая еда там будет?" - спросил он. "Говядина, гамбургеры и картофель", - ответил я. Я положил трубку. Моя жена спросила, говорил ли с нашим сыном в последнее время. Я ответил, что я только что говорил с ним по телефону.
    Scott, it's not a very pleasant occupation - to put quotation marks just because I were too lazy to do that. Please put them yourself next time.

    Quote Originally Posted by fortheether
    Is this OK?

    "Какая одежда была сегодня на твоей сестре?"
    «Она была в красных шортах и голубой майке», - сказал он.
    Yes, it's ok.
    In Russian, all nationalities and their corresponding languages start with a lower-case letter.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Оля
    Scott, these texts sound quite unnatural, so it's a bit difficult to correct them. I mean, even after the corrections, they don't sound fine.

    Quote Originally Posted by fortheether
    «Что ты будешь есть сегодня вечером?» - спросил он. «Мы будем шашлык, ты забыл?» "Да", - сказал он. Он спросил, кто там будет. "Твои дедушка и бабушка, дядя и тётя и Оксана Фёдорова". "Кто это?" - спросил он. "Она бывшая Мисс Россия и Мисс Вселенная". "Какая еда там будет?" - спросил он. "Говядина, гамбургеры и картофель", - ответил я. Я положил трубку. Моя жена спросила, говорил ли с нашим сыном в последнее время. Я ответил, что я только что говорил с ним по телефону.
    Scott, it's not a very pleasant occupation - to put quotation marks just because I were too lazy to do that. Please put them yourself next time.

    Quote Originally Posted by fortheether
    Is this OK?

    "Какая одежда была сегодня на твоей сестре?"
    «Она была в красных шортах и голубой майке», - сказал он.
    Yes, it's ok.

    Thank you for the help!

    Scott, these texts sound quite unnatural, so it's a bit difficult to correct them. I mean, even after the corrections, they don't sound fine.


    Here's the corrections, maybe you can please tell me where they don't sound fine. I am beginner.


    «Что ты будешь есть сегодня вечером?» - спросил он. «Мы будем шашлык, ты забыл?» «Да», - сказал он. Он спросил кто там будет. «Твои дедушка и бабушка, дядя и тётя и Оксана Фёдорова». «Кто это?» - спросил он. «Она бывшая Мисс Россия и Мисс Вселенная». «Какая еда там будет?» - спросил он. «Говядина, гамбургеры и картофель», - ответил я. Я положил трубку. Моя жена спросила, говорил ли с нашим сыном в последнее время. Я ответил, что я только что говорил с ним по телефону.

    What will you eat tonight he asked. “We’re having a barbecue, did you forget?” Yes he said, he asked who will be there. Your grandfather and grandmother, uncle and aunt and Oxana Fedorova. Who is that he asked. She’s the former Miss Russia and Miss Universe. What kind of food will be there he asked. Beef, hamburgers and potatoes I answered. I hung up the receiver. My wife asked if I talked with our son lately. I answered that I just now talked with him on the telephone.


    Thank you,

    Scott

  4. #24
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    Re: Just For Practice

    Quote Originally Posted by Rtyom
    Hi,

    Overall, the text is a bit loose in coherence. I will comment on each thing.
    (Since you did not put a single comma throughout your essay, I will not point at them.)

    [I strongly hope that you will not get offended at the thorough critics.]

    Сегодня
    Typo, right?

    [quote:2xmgaoif]Я встал в четверть восьмого. Я устал.
    "Я устал" makes me think that the character was tired of sleeping, but there is no proof of this idea in the text. Then, it might mean that the sleep was uneasy and that is why the character is tired. Having concluded this, I think it is better to say something like "Я чувствовал себя неважно." However, the idea does not fit well, becasue it signals for specification of the character's state after being noticed about tiredness, but there is nothing of the kind until the end. So, the sentence must be omitted as deviating.

    Без четверти восемь я пошёл на кухню.
    The preposition "в" is unnecessary because of the preposition "без", which "localizes" the time point alone.

    Обычно моя женa готовит завтрак но сегодня я хочу готовить сам.
    The sentence is all right, but my eye stopped at "готовить сам" for a while. The character has already specified the breakfast, so it is expected that this breakfast has to be prepared. First off, the perfective form looks beautiful here. Second off, it requires the use of pronoun. Here we go: "...я хочу приготовить его сам."

    Я думаю что я буду готовить несколько яиц с ветчиной и _ сыром.
    Well, the narration is in the past tense. Thus, "я подумал" is more correct.
    Why does one say "несколько яиц," when the first word that springs to mind is "яичница"?
    "Буду готовить" feels like the process should take helluva time. Usually, it sounds "приготовлю."
    "И немного сыра" is completely awkward. It is ungrammatical in two points: 1) "немного" cannot be in such word combination. The word form "немногими" is grammatical, but, firstly, is only used with countable nouns ("сыр" here is a "mass" noun, which you cannot count); second, in spite of it could be something countable, the combination is still awkward, because "немногими something countable" would be understood as you do not put all the stuff in the frying pan but only some portion. 2) And this leads to the point number two: you get rid of "многими" and leave "сыра". And it should be more grammatical. Apply the Instrumental case. Now, it looks "well-nourished": "Я подумал, что приготовлю яичницу с ветичной и сыром."

    Мои собаки хотят есть но я сказал «Я ем раньше вас».
    To get all the events connected, it is better to say "Мои собаки проголодались"

    "Я ем раньше вас" is somwhow literal and makes me smile. Maybe a very little kid would say that in this situation. My variant is "Сначала сам поем (потом покормлю вас)."

    Они сказали что они поняли.
    If you meant it, that is inspiring.

    Я приправил яйца _ солью и перцем.
    The verb does not require the preposition.

    Пока я завтракал я видел несколько облаков.
    This one evokes strong d

  5. #25
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    Here's the corrections, maybe you can please tell me where they don't sound fine. I am beginner.
    - Что у вас сегодня на ужин? (it's not "у тебя", it's "у вас" because it's plural)
    - У нас сегодня шашлык, ты забыл? OR Мы собирались (сегодня) есть шашлык, ты забыл?
    - Ааа! (Да,) забыл...

    Он спросил, кто там будет. ok

    - Дедушка с бабушкой, дядя, тетя и ещё... Оксана Фёдорова!
    - А кто это?
    - Это бывшая мисс Россия и мисс Вселеннная!
    - А что ещё будет на ужин? (without ещё the question sounds strange because in this case it repeats the first question of the dialogue)
    - Мясо, картошка (OR мясо с картошкой), ну и гамбургеры. (we never say картофель instead of картошка in everyday speech)

    "Я положил трубку" sounds strange there. Can you really ring off just after the words like those? No "bye", no "see you"?

    Жена спросила, давно ли я разговаривал с (нашим) сыном. Я ответил, что только что говорил с ним по телефону.

    I just learned that "Я устал" means I was tired of doing what I was just doing. The text was trying to convey that the character was tired and did not get enough sleep or didn't sleep well. I didn't know "Я устал" did not convey that.
    "Я устал" means I am/was tired of doing what I was doing actively. Well, of chopping firewood, or of cooking, or of learning new vocabulary, and so on...
    Sleeping is not actually a doing. You just were asleep. You didn't do anything actively.

    I am beginner.
    Shouldn't it be "I am a beginner"? ...
    In Russian, all nationalities and their corresponding languages start with a lower-case letter.

  6. #26
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    I enjoyed reading your essay. My textbook says майка for T shirt but I was told by a russian that it means sweatshirt/vest and that they would say футболка for a modern T shirt. It makes me smile that I know so little and even some of that is wrong because of my textbook.

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