First and foremost, it was quite good, very good even. Your intonation, rhythm are indeed alright, but the thing is it is a rhythm of a text, not a speech. What I mean is it's easy to uderstand that you're reading rather than speaking on your own. Maybe choose some topic and try to talk about it and then leave it here. It'd be much more authentic.

As for pronunciation flaws, it was obvious to me that you need to work on your consonants, on п, р, ч, т and maybe some others in particular. I don't know how to even describe what's wrong with them, but there is something out of place with them for sure. They sounded too... soft, muffled, unclear. They need to be pronounced, well... more determinded, if you know what I mean, all in all you need to work on them, not much though

Hope it helps in any way