Yikes! I'm truly sorry you were put through that kind of craziness, Deborski.
I would note, by the way, that the actual meaning of "disfellowshipping" or "excommunication" can vary from one church to another. In some cases, the "excommunicated" person is still welcome at church services, but simply can't partake of certain sacraments. For instance, excommunicated Catholics are encouraged to continue coming to Mass, but they're forbidden to take the Eucharist/Communion (unless and until they repent). However, their families and friends aren't required to "shun" them socially.
I can understand the rationale for saying to a "disobedient" member: "Well, you're not allowed to deliver the public scripture reading" or "You can't have your wedding in the temple" -- that's about the enforcement of the ritual standards that define the religion.
On the other hand, a church policy that "Anyone who talks to Deborski will get her apostate-cooties, and anyone who talks to someone who talked to Deborski is also at risk for cooties" is just insane and cultish.
(I was just thinking about how one would translate "excommunicate" into Russian -- and possibly you'd have to use different phrases depending on whether you were talking about Russian Orthodox Christians, Jehovah's Witnesses, Roman Catholics, Ultra-Orthodox Jews, Muslims, etc., because the actual, practical effects are different.)