Thread: Need Help With Novel

Hi,

I am a writer currently working on a novel and need help with translation. Since the novel is in English, the translation should be phonetic.

In a scene, a Russian man is calling a Russian woman a traitor. I did my best to find this on my own, and this is what I came up with:


Pre DAA tyel

The line in the book is: “Pre DAA tyel!” he yelled, slapping her face. “Pre DAA tyel, pre DAA tyel!”

I'm meaning to say: “Traitor!” he yelled, slapping her face. “Traitor, traitor!” I can't write that though, because the one hearing the argument is American, and isn't supposed to know what's being said.

Also, if there are any members willing to help with Russian broken English (how a Russian might say something in English while only knowing a little), please let me know. The book is scheduled for release early next year.

Thanks!

No problem, post your questions here and they will be answered.

to start with, "predatyel" is one word and it's better to write it this way.
This word is screamed out loudly, right? You can write it then as "predaaatyel", to emphasize it was a shout

The word is "traitor." A man is calling a woman a traitor.

I need to know the Russian, phonetic translation.

Thanks!

Male traitor - предатель. Pronounced like: pridatel'
Female traitor - предательница. Pronounced like: pridat'el'nitsa

So your novel should read:

“Pridatelnitsa!” he yelled, slapping her face. "Pridatelnitsa, pridatelnitsa!”

What's the name of the novel? (So I can read it, of course.)

Originally Posted by kalinka_vinnie

So your novel should read:

“Pridatelnitsa!” he yelled, slapping her face. "Pridatelnitsa, pridatelnitsa!”

Sounds like a page from KV's memoirs!

"Yelled" is quite a low register word. Get your thesaurus out.

"Rebel-yelled" will intensify it.

Originally Posted by Rtyom

"Rebel-yelled" will intensify it.

By low register I mean, it's less formal/stylistic, the type of word you would say, but not use in writing.

Originally Posted by TATY

Originally Posted by Rtyom

"Rebel-yelled" will intensify it.

By low register I mean, it's less formal/stylistic, the type of word you would say, but not use in writing.

Damn, I was inattentive.

I think "yelled" is just alright. Or do you have stricts laws in using words in fiction?

I don't think the dude wanted writing-style tips, guys

Originally Posted by kalinka_vinnie

I don't think the dude wanted writing-style tips, guys

He needs them.

Maybe it's because I'm a Brit, and we don't use the word "yell" that much. We nearly always would say "shout", or "cry"

“Pridatelnitsa!” he ejaculated, percussing her physiognomy. "Pridatelnitsa, pridatelnitsa!”

"He vociferated" looks relevant to my lame mind.

How about, "He ragged on her for being such a traitor and all"?

Originally Posted by llama

Also, if there are any members willing to help with Russian broken English (how a Russian might say something in English while only knowing a little), please let me know. The book is scheduled for release early next year.

I think Russians often speak English without using the articles "a" and "the" since articles do not exist in Russian.

Eg.
"He went to car to get book" instead of "He went to the car to get a book"

Also the present tense of the verb "to be" does not exist in Russian.

Eg.
"She pretty" instead of "She is pretty".

I think Russians often speak English without using the articles "a" and "the" since articles do not exist in Russian.

That's why we learn English! If things were so easy, it'd be super easy to master English. The only thing you'd have to do would be - to learn words.

Originally Posted by kwatts59

I think Russians often speak English without using the articles "a" and "the" since articles do not exist in Russian.

Eg.
"He went to car to get book" instead of "He went to the car to get a book"

Also the present tense of the verb "to be" does not exist in Russian.

Eg.
"She pretty" instead of "She is pretty".

Yeah, but the latter would be interpreted as intentionally poor English for effect, wheras "he went to get book" is just... wrong.

Originally Posted by TATY

Originally Posted by kalinka_vinnie

I don't think the dude wanted writing-style tips, guys

He needs them.

Maybe it's because I'm a Brit, and we don't use the word "yell" that much. We nearly always would say "shout", or "cry"

Thanks everyone for the helpful translation advice.

TATY, I'll pass your writing tips onto the following authors:

"Helen," he yelled. "What happened?" -- Stephen King (Insomina)


"Who the hell cares," he yelled. "Go get em Greg!" -- Stephen King (The Dead Zone)



"Get out!" she yelled. "Just get out!" -- Dan Brown (Digital Fortress)


"What the hell is going on here?" he yelled. "Why haven't yuo started the case?" -- Robin Cook (Blindside)

He yelled a warning: "They're going to drown us!" -- Clive Clusser (White Death)