Thread: Merry Christmas and Happy New Years' CARDS!

Originally Posted by Hanna

And some pretty cards with Cнегурочка & Дед мороз

Ё-моё! As St. Lucy might have said: "Oh, my eyes!!"



Since наша Ханна has already crossed the lines of good taste and moral decency by posting a disco-blinking animated .gif, I might as well add this little анекдот про Деда Мороза и Снегурочку, which was told to me by a Ukrainian emigre several years ago:

Дед мороз пьяный, с сигаретой в зубах, выходит к деткам, и тащит за косу Снегурочку, всю избитую, в кровоподтеках, в разодранном платье. Детки тут же начинают плакать.

-Дедушка мороз, ей же больно!! -- кричат детки.

-Я что, садист по вашему ? -- спрашивает дедушка, раскручивает над головой Снегурочку за косу, и со всего размаха бьет ее об пол -- Она же дохлая!!!

I have successfully told this joke to friends who aren't students of Russian, using a loose translation "in the American idiom":

Santa Claus comes out to his Santa chair in the shopping mall where the kiddies are waiting -- he's drunk, with a cigarette in his teeth. Behind him, he's dragging the beautiful Snowflake Elf by her long hair, and she's bruised and beaten, bloodstained, with her dress all torn up. Upon seeing this, the kids burst into tears.

"Santa Claus, you're hurting her!" scream the children.

"What, you think I'm some kind of sadist?" retorts the jolly old saint, whirling the Snowflake Elf over his head by her braids, and smacking her against the floor with all his might. "It can't hurt her, she's already deader than roadkill*!"

* "Roadkill" = падаль животного на шоссе. You could also translate Она же дохлая!!! as "She's a carcass; she's a stiff; she has croaked; she's at room temperature", etc. The point is that дохлый ("dead") can be used politely only when speaking about animals, but it sounds very crude and disrespectful to say it about a person.

P.S. This only is my second-favorite анекдот про Деда Мороза. But I might save my favorite one (set in Africa, with the punchline "Кто в этом году плохо кушал...") for later.

Throbert,
here is another one in your collection

Дед Мороз, пожалуйста, пришли варежки,шапку,валенки и шубку, а то замерзаю, сирота я..." пишет мальчик письмо с адресом: "На север, Деду Морозу". На почте читают письмо, из жалости собирают деньги, покупают шапку, шубку, валенки, а про варежки забыли и отправляют малышу. Мальчик пишет ответное письмо - на почте с радостью вскрывают письмо и читают всем коллективом: "спасибо, Дедушка, получил и валенки и шапку и шубку, а варежки наверное на почте украли."

Originally Posted by Doomer

Throber,
here is another one in your collection

Дед Мороз, пожалуйста, пришли варежки,шапку,валенки и шубку, а то замерзаю, сирота я..." пишет мальчик письмо с адресом: "На север, Деду Морозу". На почте читают письмо, из жалости собирают деньги, покупают шапку, шубку, валенки, а про варежки забыли и отправляют малышу. Мальчик пишет ответное письмо - на почте с радостью вскрывают письмо и читают всем коллективом: "спасибо, Дедушка, получил и валенки и шапку и шубку, а варежки наверное на почте украли."

Может я сейчас скажу чушь, но дело в том, что анекдот сильно потерял в выразительности всего лишь из-за одного слова. Мне больше нравится, если слово "шапку" употребить в ласкательной форме - "шапочку".

Originally Posted by jnllll

Может я сейчас скажу чушь, но дело в том, что анекдот сильно потерял в выразительности всего лишь из-за одного слова. Мне больше нравится, если слово "шапку" употребить в ласкательной форме - "шапочку".

в оригинале там и не "украли" было
но все-таки форум это открытое место, PG13 так сказать

Originally Posted by Throbert McGee

Ё-моё! As St. Lucy might have said: "Oh, my eyes!!"



Since наша Ханна has already crossed the lines of good taste and moral decency by posting a disco-blinking animated .gif, .

Sir, How dare you mock my taste in Russian New Years cards!!!
That is just too much coming from a citizen of the country that invented blinking multi-coloured Christmas lights...

Anyway, here is some more Christmas stuff...... >



Anyway, I wonder if the people in this house had time to cook Christmas food and buy presents....




I wonder what their electricity bill will be......? Hope they're getting their energy from a "green" supplier.

Originally Posted by Hanna

That is just too much coming from a citizen of the country that invented blinking multi-coloured Christmas lights...

Speaking of which
Brookfield Zoo lights - BrookField Zoo Lights 2011.mp4 - YouTube
I was there yesterday with my family
Not all the lights are LED but they switching to it, going green
The sponsor is local electricity company

BappaBa -- спасибо большое за объяснение об исторических формах русских солдатов!

Doomer, LOL! I have heard an R-rated version of this joke in English, with a more мат-ish ending: "Dear Santa Claus, thank you very much for the boots, hats, and coat, but the c*cksucking motherf*ckers at the Post Office stole the mittens!"

Nice for you that you have snow there!
Here in Stockholm, there is no snow!!! but 18 hour nights - only 5-6 hours of daylight and only cloudy skies.
I will get a serious depression soon if there is no snow.

Originally Posted by Hanna

Nice for you that you have snow there!

there is no snow in Chicago right now but that's unusual
What do you when it's snow in Stockholm, Hanna?

Originally Posted by Doomer

there is no snow in Chicago right now but that's unusual
What do you when it's snow in Stockholm, Hanna?

Same thing here - no snow although normally there would be plenty of snow by now.
The temperature is over 0 C--- they say last year it was -25 C for a month around this time. Normal temperature is perhaps -8 C or so in the winter.
I just read today in the paper that this is the warmest winter for 128 years - since they started measuring it.

Totally insane, got to be the global warming I guess. But this is so far North that we really need the snow to light up the long dark nights. Without snow the it looks incredibly depressing in the winter.

I am suffering from some kind of reverse culture shock after being away from my country for a very long time. Perhaps that is something you can relate to...?

Originally Posted by Hanna

Without snow the it looks incredibly depressing in the winter.

I know exactly what you mean
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

so much for PG13 now
yes, you are correct

BTW f*cking is more "polite" version, Russian мат is more "banned" by society than English. For example using мат in Russian movies is considered outrageous (even R-movies) and used rarely
Maybe it's hypocrisy but it is what it is

I feel like party pooper now(посыпаю голову пеплом) I hope we can go back to snow and cards and holiday spirit

Originally Posted by Doomer

I hope we can go back to snow and cards and holiday spirit

Давайте попробуем. Вот к примеру:

Здравствуй, Дедушка Мороз,
Борода из ваты,
Ты подарки нам принёс,
...

Э-э...
Опять что-то не то...

ну понеслалась, блин

"Animated christmas card" one of the best from Союзмультфильм: Щелкунчик
This can be found on different sites, just search for video online.
ﾙ褄??韭 (1973) .
.

Originally Posted by Seraph

"Animated christmas card" one of the best from Союзмультфильм: Щелкунчик
This can be found on different sites, just search for video online.
ﾙ褄??韭 (1973) .

Nothing quite says Christmas like light decorated cowboy boots.

17F2O_D.jpg


Cowgirls in short shorts with guns are nice too.

cowgirl-christmas-card-holding-guns1.jpg

Merry Christmas to all Orthodox believers!

(How does the date work - is this still 2011 in the Orthodox calendar? If so, what is the actual date today according to this calendar?)