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Thread: Romantic sentences. Is it grammatically correct? ;P

  1. #1
    Почётный участник Julienovich's Avatar
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    Romantic sentences. Is it grammatically correct? ;P

    The young and tall woman in the red dress walks along the ocean coast, smiles happily and greets her beloved with her waving hand. The lovely and bright bouquet of fresh flowers at his hand blooms with fragrances of Spring, smells gently and colors in her soul with love.
    Please, can You correct, if I have made mistakes.

  2. #2
    Почтенный гражданин MISSFOXYSWEETCHERRY's Avatar
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    This is what i think,
    -The young and tall woman --> The young tall woman
    - fresh flowers at his hand --> fresh flowers "in" his hand
    Let's Live By The Moment... Cause Together Ain't Promised Forever
    Жить надо так, чтобы тебя помнили и сволочи
    Du Vet Inte Vad Som Kan Hända Innan Aftonen!

  3. #3
    Старший оракул Seraph's Avatar
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    It's a difficult question, because grammatically correct isn't always normal or common usage. But yes, in English it is normal to say/write as MissFoxy has done.

    "The tall young woman..."

    This "lovely and bright bouquet" would also be shortened => lovely bright bouquet.

    And possibly "with a wave of her hand".

    It's a difficult thing, about choice of words. I'd probably use radiate instead of bloom, since bloom is more about the actual flower structure itself. But grammatically, I think it's ok. And I'd use scents/scenting instead of smells.

    "The tall young woman in the red dress walks along the ocean coast, smiles happily and greets her beloved with a wave of her hand. The lovely bright bouquet of fresh flowers in his hand radiates the sweet fragrances of spring, scenting gently and coloring in her soul with love."

  4. #4
    Завсегдатай Throbert McGee's Avatar
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    It should definitely be "the tall young woman," not the "the young tall woman," though it's difficult to explain why in just a few words. But as a general rule, adjectives referring to physical size (big, little, tall, short) tend to be placed farther away from the noun.

    Regarding the second sentence:

    (1) Using "fragrances" and "smells" in the same sentence seems redundant.

    (2) Seraph's suggestion of "radiates" is okay, I guess, but to me it sounds slightly odd to use this verb with smells. (Because smells tend to spread slowly in a cloud, like a drop of ink in water. "Radiate" would seem more natural to me if you were talking about the colors of the flowers, because the colors reach our eyes at the speed of light!)

    I would suggest, instead:

    "The lovely, bright bouquet of fresh flowers in his hand fills the air with the sweet and gentle scents of spring, and colors her soul with love."

    (Seraph's version of the first sentence is perfect.)

  5. #5
    Старший оракул Seraph's Avatar
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    I had some trouble with the 'radiates' also. Effuses, emits, etc just seem a little technical, and not in keeping with the scene. Blooming might actually be perfect, I was thinking off on a tangent. And this gets tangled up with the distinction between grammatical/ungrammatical, and normal or typical usage. "...bloom with the sweet fragrances of spring..." might fit. It's really a matter of the original writer's taste.

    "...scenting the air..." can mean giving off scent, could work.

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