Thread: I'm trying to write a fiction book in English. Just for fun :)

I think it's a matter of style, not grammar and now I would like to retain my own unless it sounds awkward/reads bad/ungrammatical to native speakers.

Молодец! That's the right attitude to take, Medved.

Up to now I've only been talking about "storytelling" points and haven't paid attention to any language problems, but later tonight I'll take another read through and look for any errors that are serious enough to require changing. The only one I can think of now, off the top of my head, is that after Ann mentions her newspapers in English, Peter should say "Can you bring them with you when you come to see me tomorrow?", not "Can you take them with you...?" (NB: Generally, "bring" belongs with "come" and "take" belongs with "go".)

Oh, also: you had originally written "everything shed the spirit of antiquity". This doesn't work in English, but I'm curious to know whether it's a direct translation of a Russian idiom?

Anyway, the most normal/neutral construction, IMHO, would be "everything had an air of antiquity". You could also say "everything exuded antiquity" or "everything radiated antiquity", etc.

However, antiquity usually implies the remote eras of Moses, Socrates, Julius Caesar, etc. And I suppose someone as "recent" as Владимир Святославич could also be said to belong to antiquity. But the word really doesn't fit with such "modern" technologies as the kerosene lamp mentioned in the story! A kerosene lamp may "look antique," but it doesn't "have an air of antiquity."

My suggestion for the sentence:

All these candles, the kerosene lamp, the rough wooden furniture, even the clothes -- they all had an antique feel, like something out of Little-House-on-the-Prairie.

The Little House on the Prairie books for children have been in print since the 1930s and inspired a very popular TV series in the '70s and '80s, so it would be completely natural for an American man of Peter's generation to be reminded of it when he saw the kerosene lamp, etc.

I look forward to reading more -- it's a really fun story!