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Thread: Check my article "The echo of the past" please

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    Почтенный гражданин oldboy's Avatar
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    Check my article "The echo of the past" please

    Task: an English-language magazine is inviting readers to contribute to a series of articles about objects which came into their possession in an interesting or unusual way. You decide to write an article about an object you own. Briefly describe what it is and explain how it came to be in your possession.


    The echo of the past


    I was born and spent all my childhood in Italy. We used to have our own marital home with a little back garden where my mother grew daffodils, her best-loved flowers. I was nine years old then. My mother’s birthday approached, so – being naturally good at painting, – on a warm sunlit day, I had decided to paint her in the garden with a large bunch of her beloved flowers in her hands. I gave that painting for her birthday and she was so happy.

    A few years on, my father was given the promotion and we had to move to Paris, with our house having to be sold. Days after the move, we began to unpack the boxes and found my mother’s portrait had gone: presumably, we had forgotten it when leaving. This painting was very dear to my mother, for it was my first one and it was associated with Italy, our homeland.

    Many years have elapsed since then. When I was married, my wife and I bought a flat in Maidstone, England, and moved there to live. Recently, I have been to London on business. I arrived half an hour early. There was a flea market nearby and so as to while away the time I resolved to walk around. Browsing among the rows, suddenly, I saw something rather familiar on the counter. When I come near I saw the picture of my mother! I could not believe my own eyes. The seller said that if I liked it I could buy it for ten pounds. He told that he had been given it by a friend of his who had brought it whether from Spain or Italy or somewhere else.

    When I called my mother and told her about the possession, she almost passed out at the moment. Perhaps, this possession is the most haunting and valuable in my life. Life is a very unpredictable thing: you never know what is in store for you.


    Could you tell me if there are any words or phrases that seem unnatural to the English ear there (and if so, point at them)?
    Thanks in advance.
    Thanks for correcting me.

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    Властелин Medved's Avatar
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    I was born and spent all my childhood in Italy. We used to have our own marital home with a little back garden where my mother grew daffodils, her best-loved flowers. I was nine years old then. My mother’s birthday approached, so – being naturally good at painting, – on a warm sunlit day, I had decided to paint her in the garden with a large bunch of her beloved flowers in her hands. I gave ?her? that painting for her birthday and she was so happy.

    A few years on, my father was given the promotion and we had to move to Paris, with our house having to be sold. Days after the move, we began to unpack the boxes and found my mother’s portrait had gone: presumably, we had forgotten it when leaving. This painting was very dear to my mother, for it was my first one and it was associated with Italy, our homeland.

    Many years have elapsed since then. When I was married, my wife and I bought a flat in Maidstone, England, and moved there to live. Recently, I have been to London on business. I arrived half an hour early. There was a flea market nearby and so as to while away the time I resolved to walk around. Browsing among the rows, suddenly, I saw something rather familiar on the counter. When I come near I saw the picture of my mother! I could not believe my own eyes. The seller said that if I liked it I could buy it for ten pounds. He told ?me? that he had been given itby a friend of his who had brought it whether from Spain or Italy or somewhere else.

    When I called my mother and told her about the possession, she almost passed out at the moment. Perhaps, this possession is the most haunting and valuable in my life. Life is a very unpredictable thing: you never know what is in store for you.

    Warning: I'm not a native English speaker
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    Почтенный гражданин xXHoax's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by oldboy View Post
    Task: an English-language magazine is inviting readers to contribute to a series of articles about objects which came into their possession in an interesting or unusual way. You decide to write an article about an object you own. Briefly describe what it is and explain how it came to be in your possession.


    The Echo of the Past


    I was born and spent all my childhood in Italy. We used to have our own marital home with a little back garden where my mother grew daffodils, her best-loved(not wrong, but sounds a little odd) flowers. I was nine years old then. My mother’s birthday approached, so – being naturally good at painting, on a warm sunlit day, I had decided to paint her in the garden with a large bunch of her beloved flowers in her hands. I gave that painting to her on her birthday and she was so happy.

    A few years later, my father was given a promotion and we had to move to Paris, with our house having to be sold. Days after the move, we began to unpack the boxes and found my mother’s portrait had gone: presumably, we had forgotten it when leaving. This painting was very dear to my mother, for(kind of formal) it was my first one and it was associated with Italy, our homeland.

    Many years have elapsed(most people would phrase it simpler, "gone by". ) since then. When I was married( This would refer to the whole time period of being married, "When I got married" would be the point in time just after getting married), my wife and I bought a flat in Maidstone, England, and moved there to live. Recently, I have been to London on business trips (If it's multiple trips. "Recently, I have been", here, means at the time of writing. I believe you mean "Recently, I had been to London".). I arrived half an hour early (one time?). There was a flea market nearby and so as to while away the time I resolved to walk around( There was a flea market nearby,so I decided to walk around to pass the time. Browsing among the rows, suddenly, I saw something rather familiar on the counter. When I come near(came near, or "got closer" would be better) I saw the picture of my mother! I could not believe my own eyes. The seller said that if I liked it I could buy it for ten pounds. He told that me he had been given it by a friend of his who had brought it whether from Spain or Italy or somewhere else.

    When I called my mother and told her about the possession, she almost passed out at(in, or just "passed out") the moment. Perhaps, this possession is the most haunting and valuable in my life. Life is a very unpredictable thing: you never know what is in store for you.


    Could you tell me if there are any words or phrases that seem unnatural to the English ear there (and if so, point at them)?
    Thanks in advance.
    An English teacher might say there should be commas in certain spots, but that hardly matters at all to be honest.
    Medved and oldboy like this.

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