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So the fact that I'm an English teacher and cited an academic source from Cambridge University Press makes no difference I suppose.

I don't agree with this part (though I take the rest of your points).

In American spoken English:

Pass your plate = pashyur plate
Where's your fork = wherezhur fork
Why didn't you eat your...

I can only apologize for my imperfect knowledge of non-american Englishes. I've taught classes on pronunciation here in the US and my current work involves evaluating speech by non-native speakers,...

pronunciation tip:

"Wheredja get that black eye?"

roughly: уерджя

In conversation "did you" usually becomes джя unless you want to really emphasize the words.