Quote Originally Posted by alexsms View Post
LightandBreezy, you say: A man paying for a date isn't about letting the woman steal his money, but it's about treating her as special and demonstrating that he will make a good husband.

It looks like a cultural thing to me. In western thinking (in Russian culture, too) dating doesn't automatically mean they are going to marry. (Maybe it does in your culture).

I am not a social scientist, but i'll try to suggest some thoughts on the matter...

Much depends on degree of relations. If they are really a 'couple', real boy/girlfriend, not just first date, or acquaintances, the chances that the guy will pay are higher. But this is not a strict rule, some couples are flexible, sometimes they can spontaneously decide to go Dutch (doesn't mean they always do it), if they have known each other for a long time a girl could pay (might happen if the guy forgot the money when they meet casually). So, it seems stiff rules don't exist here in Russia (at least it looks so where I live), but generally and in most cases a guy pays, which psychologically is a sign, first of all, that he is capable of earning money and able to provide, take care, etc., and it is expected that the guy should pay due to this psychological interpretation.

Again, much depends on degree of relation, or on how clear the relation is.

Of course, you can't assume that all people are exactly the same. There are some couples in my culture that don't agree with what I just said either. From what I gather in your post, it's socially acceptable for a man to pay and seems to constitute the majority?

I know that dating doesn't always have to lead to marriage, but most people (regardless of if they're Western or not) I've met seem to crave meeting the right person eventually. How you treat someone can be indicative of whether you're serious about them or not. I hear a lot of complaints in America about how it's so hard to find a man that wants to commit. I believe that men do want to commit, but only to a woman that they deem worthy of commitment. Just like women are evaluating how a man acts on dates, men are doing the same.

Even in American culture, the person who asks for the date is supposed to be paying. If a woman asks a man out, she's expected to pay. That's understandable. A woman offering to go dutch on the first date is nicely telling the man "I'm not interested and let's just be friends." On a man's birthday, I will also offer to pay as a treat. It's his birthday, and he shouldn't have to pay.


Thanks for your reply.