Well, Oldboy, it seems that there is a little problem with the verb 'to come'. In English, it is somewhat indeterminant. A little like the Russian indeterminant verbs. For the meanings you are interested in, a more determinant verb might be useful, to clarify things a little. Maybe the verb 'to arrive' would be better. Or the deverbal 'arrival'.

'If we meet when I have arrived in Paris next year' or 'If we meet on my arrival in Paris next year' These woud have much more of the sense you are looking for when you say this "it means that I sort of arrive to the airport and she is there waiting for me (i.e. we meet in that way)."

For this one: "mean that I go to Paris, have been living for a while there and then we meet?" a verb like 'to settle' or 'find lodgings' might work:

If we meet when I have settled in Paris next year -or- If we meet after I have settled in Paris next year

If we meet after I have found lodgings in Paris next year

Are these the kinds of different shades of meaning you're looking for?

'To come' is simply too indeterminant to pin down precisely to the kinds of meanings you have asked about.